Jen Nicholson Counselling

19/02/2026

Elinor was intensely sensitive to things going wrong. She has a friendship group where there was lots of drama, and she took it all to heart. She would fall to pieces if someone didn’t respond to her messages, and being kicked out of the Discord server after an argument was one of the worst experiences of her life. It was like she was physically in pain.

Her mum didn’t know how to help. She told Elinor that these ups and downs were part of life, but it didn’t make any difference. She’d tried to encourage her to find a less volatile friendship group, but Elinor didn’t want to. She tried to be sympathetic but she was losing patience. Why did she have to make everything such a big deal?

Some children are highly sensitive to rejection and failure. They have such a strong reaction that a lot of their time is spent trying to avoid the triggers. They just want those awful feelings to go away. Nothing seems to help.

That’s what I’m talking about in my new webinar. Helping Your Child with Rejection Sensitivity. Aimed at parents of all highly sensitive children, who take everything to heart. No diagnosis necessary.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/helping-your-child-with-rejection-sensitivity-tickets-1982283058991?aff=fb2

28/01/2026

👇 Type SUMMIT to get a link to our FREE 2026 Parenting & Children's Mental Health Summit March 16-19, 2026

😩 So many of the things children get corrected or punished for are behaviors adults do every day — we just call them something different.

➡️ Adults get distracted.
➡️ Adults forget things.
➡️ Adults don’t want to share.
➡️ Adults talk a lot.
➡️ Adults have off days.

When adults do it, we call it stress, boundaries, creativity, networking, or being human.
When kids do it, they’re often labeled difficult, disruptive, or disrespectful.

Children aren’t miniature adults — their brains are still developing skills for regulation, attention, impulse control, and social awareness. What looks like misbehavior is often a nervous system still learning how to function in a world built for grown-ups.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behavior?”
A more helpful question is, “What skill is still developing — and how can I support it?”

Let’s stop holding kids to adult expectations and start meeting them with understanding, patience, and support 💛

📅 MARCH 16-19 join Join Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, Dr. Steve Biddulph, Dr. Ross Greene, Dr. Laura Markham, Dr. Joel Warsh, Dr. Lawrence Cohen, Dr. Michael Gurian and so many more!

📕 TOPICS INCLUDE:
Emotion regulation, compassionate discipline, childhood anxiety, healing insecure attachment, ADHD, neurodiversity & autism, highly sensitive children, parenting toddlers, managing screen time, online safety, fostering brain development, raising resilient kids, positive body image, power of play, parental anxiety, fatherhood, picky eating, how to talk so kids will listen, and so much more!

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✅ 4 LIVE Interactive Workshops
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07/01/2026

Sometimes, the most comforting words are the ones we give ourselves.
When life feels overwhelming or we’re searching for reassurance, cultivating a kind and compassionate inner voice can be transformative. Instead of looking outward for the perfect words, pause and ask: What do I need to hear right now?

Whether it’s “I’m here for you,” “I care about you,” or “It’s okay to be imperfect,” these words can soothe and strengthen us.

07/01/2026

How much stress could we avoid if we just accepted that children will behave like children?

We’d say ‘of course they can’t sit still’ and we’d create classrooms to move around in. We’d get rid of rooms full of tiny chairs and desks except for a space for those who like a table to draw or write stories.

We’d say ‘of course they won’t be quiet’ and think of ways to learn that involve doing rather than listening. We’d create spaces where noise wasn’t a problem.

We’d say ‘of course it’s important to have a say’ and we’d involve them in making decisions as much as we could. We wouldn’t tell them that we know better or that their perspective doesn’t count, because we’d see how they are learning that their views can matter. Even when those views are different to our own.

We’d say ‘of course they need to feel that they belong’ and we’d prioritise relationships, making sure each child felt welcome in the mornings and that they are a part of the community.

We’d say ‘of course they are all different’ and stop measuring them all with the same yardstick. We’d create exciting opportunities for those who find academics hard, and tell them that there’s hope for all of their futures.

We'd say 'of course they'll need to play' and think of ways to fill their world with places to bounce, explore, create and pretend. We'll see that play is the work of childhood, and that can't be confined to the playground or to break time.

We’d be mindful that what we say to our children now creates their inner voice for the future.

When they grow up hearing ‘what you think isn’t important’ and ‘just sit still for a change’ and ‘why do you always make such a mess’ or even ‘what is wrong with you?’, then that shapes the adult they become.

Childhood is a unique and exciting time. We can never go back and be children again.

What would happen if we valued childhood and made space for our children to be children?

22/11/2025

So many families are told that strict parenting is the only way to raise a respectful, resilient child…
But neuroscience paints a very different picture.

When a child is met with harsh consequences, shouting, or power-over discipline, their brain goes into protection mode — not learning mode. What looks like 'good behaviour' is often fear, shutdown, or masking… and the long-term cost to emotional wellbeing is huge.

If you’ve ever wondered why strict approaches seem to 'work' in the moment but fall apart over time, this visual breaks down exactly what’s happening inside a child’s developing nervous system — and why connection-based parenting builds stronger behaviour for the future.

What are your thoughts on strict vs connected approaches?

I’d love to hear your experiences below — especially what helped your child feel safer, calmer, and more understood.

22/11/2025

Have you ever noticed how your child can go from calm to explosive in seconds? Dan Siegel’s Upstairs / Downstairs Brain is a simple way to understand why.

The 'downstairs brain' is in charge of big emotions, survival instincts and staying safe. It reacts quickly – think fight, flight, freeze.

The 'upstairs brain' is where problem-solving, empathy, and reasoning live. It helps children make good choices, manage feelings, and connect with others.

But here’s the catch: children’s upstairs brains are still under construction. That means when emotions overwhelm, their downstairs brain often takes over.

This isn’t 'bad behaviour' – it’s biology. When we see it this way, we can respond with compassion, co-regulation, and strategies that help a young person move from downstairs to upstairs.
Resources to support educating a child around this model are available in our Resource Store.
EMOTIONS and MY BRAIN
This extensive resource pack based on Dan Siegel’s Upstairs and Downstairs Brain
helps and educates children and young people on the concept of the upstairs and downstairs brain can help them recognise how their own brain functions and develop strategies for self-regulation and emotional intelligence.
The pack comprises explainers, emotions scale resources, practical activities including upstairs and downstairs brain choices (behaviours), stress response, amygdala hijack, explainers for both adults and young people and activities to consolidate learning around parts of the brain and functions. Also includes 5 skin tone range of emotions.

Varying resources to suit ages 6-16yrs. Now also available as an 8 week intervention.
Electronic download available at link in comments or via our Linktree Shop in Bio.

FOLLOW for more posts in our series, When Worries Take Over.

14/10/2025

05/10/2025

Ever wonder why children need calm, loving support to manage big emotions?

It’s because the part of their brain that handles emotional control — the prefrontal cortex — is still under construction.

This area, responsible for impulse control, planning and emotional regulation, goes through a huge period of growth between the ages of 7 and 12, and doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s (or even later).

So when a child explodes, acts impulsively, or struggles to calm down… it’s not because they won’t — it’s because they can’t yet.

Every moment of co-regulation, empathy and guidance helps wire their brain for lifelong emotional resilience.

What helps you stay calm when your child is struggling?

IN THE RESOURCE STORE - instant electronic download with secure global checkout.

EMOTIONS and MY BRAIN

This extensive resource pack based on Dan Siegel’s Upstairs and Downstairs Brain
helps and educates children and young people on the concept of the upstairs and downstairs brain can help them recognise how their own brain functions and develop strategies for self-regulation and emotional intelligence.
The pack comprises explainers, emotions scale resources, practical activities including upstairs and downstairs brain choices (behaviours), stress response, amygdala hijack, explainers for both adults and young people and activities to consolidate learning around parts of the brain and functions. Also includes 5 skin tone range of emotions.

Varying resources to suit ages 6-16yrs. Now also available as an 8 week intervention.

Electronic download available at
link in comments.

05/10/2025

02/10/2025

Reminder: Give yourself unconditional compassion!

01/10/2025

I often work with parents who have followed advice to be very positive with their children. They give them lots of praise, they have reward systems and they ‘catch them in good behaviour’. Their children are surrounded in positive reinforcement, with a ‘well done!’ each time they do a somersault or draw a picture.

And then it backfires. They had thought that rewards would make their child more likely to do things, but in fact it works the opposite way. They offer a sticker or a reward and the child refuses to budge. The more positive they are, the less cooperative their child becomes. One family told me about their son who had loved painting – until he won a prize. From that day onwards, he stopped painting.

What’s going on? For some children, positivity can feel like pressure. They respond to pressure with avoidance, and so the more positivity there is, the more they need to avoid. The harder their parents try, the more entrenched the avoidance gets. The answer is to step back and resist the urge to praise. Don’t make a big deal out of their achievements. It feels strange, but sometimes being a bit more offhand gives them the space they need to do the things they want to do.

This is the Pressure Paradox, and it’s one of the three keys to understanding your demand avoidant child. If you don’t understand it, then the harder you try, the worse things get. You put so much effort in and yet everything seems to be stuck.

Come to my webinar next week to hear more about the psychology of demand avoidance. It’s about so much more than demands. There is a recording option.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/understanding-and-helping-your-demand-avoidant-child-tickets-1472494212829?aff=fb6

21/08/2025