Nicola Martin-Davis

Nicola Martin-Davis My page is for people affected by bereavement. As an experienced Funeral Officiant, I also create original content to help & heal, reassure & uplift.

Writer, teacher & perpetual scholar, former nurse, musician & altruistic optimist … God loves a trier.♥️

05/01/2026

This may resonate with anyone who lost someone to dementia.

I wrote these words when my mother died after enduring 8 years of vascular dementia.

05/01/2026

December was tough month health wise and not just for me. A strange virus bowled more than a few people over. Being as unwell as I was got me thinking and probably overthinking about the last five years.

The pandemic altered not just an entire world, but the global collective consciousness about the gravity of death. I was contemplating the dignity our people deserve as they face that unknown journey and the experience and compassion those left behind need.

This is a long video I made on NYE. I cut a great deal out about the abject pain we witnessed when the pandemic was at its worst. Some of my colleagues retired early. Many found it too painful to work. I often felt broken and always scared of this unknown virus killing seemingly healthy people. The numbers of mourners allowed was brutal. Standing in people’s gardens talking through windows to help organise funerals was painful and not being able to physically comfort anyone was devastating. I will never forget the
mother who collapsed on the ground, unable to comfort her children who’d lost their dad to covid, none of whom went into the chapel because their numbers exceeded the allowed limit - by one.

It’s taken 5 days to find the Hutspah to post this.

03/01/2026

For grieving mothers whose children couldn’t stay.

Child of Mine
©️NMD 2026

2026 is the year I’m going to be diversifying and expanding my main focus of support, that being people navigating the d...
02/01/2026

2026 is the year I’m going to be diversifying and expanding my main focus of support, that being people navigating the death of someone significant to their world.

I have helped people struggling with the pressures of life and those in emotional pain for most of my career.

I’m creating a series of short videos and reels for my YouTube channel
about how the behaviours of people can impact upon our mental well health both positively and negatively.

Much of our day to day happiness is caused by kindness afforded to us and most of our angst is caused by us allowing ourselves to place an importance on dismissive and thoughtless behaviours.


01/01/2026

Happy New Year to every single one of my fabulous followers.

Thank you Mags Côté for reminding me of my 2025 message for New Year’s Day. Here it is again! X



31/12/2025

Remembering our people. ♥️

I pray you all have a peaceful move from this year into the next.

It won’t be without its pain, problems and challenges, but we will cope with whatever comes, together.

With my love.

NMD X

31/12/2025

2025 has been a year of ups and downs for me. These few minutes are the ups. All because of the amazing people I meet in my day to day work as a professional and experienced funeral officiant. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you all.

I opened a virtual Grief Café FB group, a YouTube channel and continued supporting Kaotic Angels LEMC UK Nomads Breaking the Stigma of Mental Health. I learnt to create my own music for my audiovisual meditations and added a few more guided meditations to my Spotify playlist.

I also ran Grief Café groups again but only as often as I could. I am being booked locally less and less since there are so many people taking funeral services today. It has been hard for me to adapt to a new order. I love voluntarily running these vital grief groups but I also have to earn a living. Brutal life facts.

However, I did manage to reach my 19th year of working as a Funeral Officiant!

I am grateful to the funeral directors who still believe I am the right person for their families despite now being considered ‘old school’ and I’m deeply thankful for all of the families who request me. This year, 30% of my local bookings were due to family requests. I wouldn’t be writing any of this without either of you.

My continued thanks to Austin's Funeral Directors Phillips Funeral Directors Powells Funeral Directors Daniel Robinson & Sons and Jeremy Rule FD of Royston for yet another year of our working together. A personal thanks to Claire Austin for asking me to take the first ever service in the Strong Oak Room of the new Bereavement Centre at 74A High Street, in honour of her father, the late John Austin. And finally to David Hall and Harwood Park for asking me to once again to lead their Christmas Carol Service.

To the former and current Mayor of Stevenage, Myla Arceno and Nazmin Chowdhury - you’re both inspiring people and I am more than blessed to have met you. I look forward to the events I’ve been invited to (and participate in) next year.

2026? Who knows what will happen.

30/12/2025

Please can you give me the names of those no longer physically present and who you’d like me to mention in my New Year message of Remembrance and Reflection.

I know I asked a while back but then I got flu and didn’t write down names. I am so sorry. I was hit pretty hard. 😮‍💨

Death of a significant person is one of those life events most people experience and yet when we are floored by bereavem...
30/12/2025

Death of a significant person is one of those life events most people experience and yet when we are floored by bereavement, we tend to keep our emotions to ourselves … and when someone we know has been floored by bereavement, we can find ourselves not knowing quite what to say.

In a nutshell, we all know how much death hurts, yet finding the right words can feel impossible; and on both sides.

Silence can feel awkward and result in a head-on dive into familiar clichés. Not because there’s no care but because most people don’t know how to speak about the indescribable pain that we all recognise yet feel so differently about.

All of us recognise empathy and so it’s always best to say what is in your heart. You’ll doubtless find that it won’t be, “they had a good innings” or “it’s for the best” or “may your grief be gentle” - all said in kindness of course but not always helpful. If ever.

Saying “I really don’t know what to say but I’m a good listener …“ is significantly better than saying “time is a great healer.” 🙏

PS - A great thing to know, speaking as a bereavement counsellor, silence (in company) is not awkward at all to someone grieving. We are trained to embrace it because silence (in company) allows for thoughts and feelings to flow and makes room for memories. It’s our company some people need. Not necessarily our words.

Also this statement is truer than any other. The more private someone appears to be about their feelings, the more they need to express them.

The very best way to help someone grieving is to give them your time.

NMD X

There is no good time to cope with death. Even an expected loss can cause great shock and searing pain, never mind a sud...
29/12/2025

There is no good time to cope with death. Even an expected loss can cause great shock and searing pain, never mind a sudden, tragic event. However, losing someone around Christmas adds a dimension and dynamic on top of every emotion usually felt in the early days of grief.

To all my colleagues about to return to work, my love to you. Your work is so, so important - and not everyone could do it. Today, you will be the front line of support. You will make a difference to the lives of broken families who have taken the first step on the long and thorny path of grief.

Soon, I will be speaking to a few of those families, trying to comfort them as they have to make hard and tough decisions about a funeral they hadn’t planned or avoided thinking about - at a time most people are still celebrating.

The emotional pain of a death at Christmas is not ‘worse’ than any other time, but it does have different, long term consequences.

My love to you all and also to every single colleague I deeply respect who work in the Crematoria around our counties and who will be comforting mourners during this difficult juxtaposition of life events. N x

Not everyone will be surrounded by the love of a family this Christmas, not because they don’t have one but because the ...
28/12/2025

Not everyone will be surrounded by the love of a family this Christmas, not because they don’t have one but because the people they do have aren’t there for them. Or maybe there’s been a family feud, misunderstanding or a profoundly painful situation with no way back.

Some people have learned how to get through the Christmas days without gifts, company or even just a little support.

Over these past few weeks, as I recover from flu no one wanted to catch, my thoughts have turned towards people who may be or feel alone, not due to a bereavement, but because of the words or actions of their family - or themselves.

Some people say stuff or do something wrong - or both - but have no idea how to start putting it right.

I understand, speaking as someone who now lives alone and enjoys her own company, that this can be a conscious choice. I get it. I also understand that you may have experienced a hurt you feel is
too great to repair. I get that too. But I’m still thinking of you.

Unless someone says as much or unless we get brave and ask, we may never know who’s doing life without any real support never mind on these special days. If this applies to you then my prayers today are yours. X

Drop me a message if you want to.

This strange old ‘betwixt and between’ week can be the worst of the entire season. It’s a strange time any way, without ...
27/12/2025

This strange old ‘betwixt and between’ week can be the worst of the entire season. It’s a strange time any way, without having to navigate the pain of loss.

Grief doesn’t care that it’s just been Christmas or that it is nearing the end of the year so please know that you don’t always need perspective. Sometimes you just need to ‘be’.

You may thrive on a structured timetable or just letting the days happen. Either is good. A bit of both is fine. It’s all okay.

You don’t have to make this week meaningful, but you can if you want to.

Long and short? Listen to that little voice and show yourself some kindness. Whatever works for you is perfect so have faith in your ability to make the right decisions for your emotional needs - because they absolutely matter.

NMD X

Address

Saint Albans

Telephone

+447960111260

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Nicola Martin-Davis posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram

Category