16/10/2025
Blog 3: The importance of the word “no”.
Neurodivergent individuals are disproportionately likely to be both victims and perpetrators of crime. The chief inspector of prisons estimated that 50% of those in UK prisons are neurodivergent. This proves to me that neurodivergent individuals are highly vulnerable when it comes to crime and abuse.
Where does the vulnerability start?
The vulnerability starts when we learn from a young age that our bodies aren’t actually ours. When we are told things like “you need to give them a hug”, “you must make eye contact”, “you need to join in” or “stop being rude just say hello”. We begin to realise that being polite is more important than our safety. Neurodivergent individuals learn this through being forced to participate when we say “no”, being praised for masking throughout our day and through being punished for regulating our nervous systems. This is taught quietly through schools, homes and even when we visit doctors.
Boundaries are not bad behaviour.
Often when neurodivergent individuals use boundaries, we are seen as being defiant. The child that isn’t making eye contact is labelled as “rude”, the teenager who refuses to join in group activities “will not cooperate” and the adult who kindly declines a birthday invitation is labelled “difficult”. These labels are not true. All of these boundaries are survival strategies however more often than not they are seen as character flaws.
Rewarded for silence, punished for truth.
In society, compliance is rewarded and autonomy is punished. Neurodivergent individuals are praised for not stimming, tolerating distress and performing politeness and then punished for advocating for themselves and their needs.
You may think the neurodivergent individual is learning “good behaviour” and you may praise them for that however what you are really praising them for is making themselves small enough to fit into societies box and be safe to you.
Consent is important at all ages.
Neurodivergent children from very young are often denied bodily autonomy. They’re forced into hugging people, making eye contact and participating in activities they don’t want to. When they say “no” they are told that they’re being disrespectful and rude. This teaches the neurodivergent individual that being polite is more important than being safe.
How can we expect an individual to understand that all of the above is “rude” and “disrespectful” however when someone is wanting them to do something they don’t want to which may lead to them getting into criminal trouble or any other kind of trouble, they are supposed to say “no” and the other person is supposed to respect their refusal.
Instead of denying the neurodivergent child (or any child) bodily autonomy try to reinforce consent early on. Listen to the child when they say “no” even if it may be inconvenient to you, ask for consent before hugging, kissing or touching, offer the child a choice and respect the child’s refusals.
Reclaiming autonomy.
Autonomy is not selfish it is safety. Imagine a world where neurodivergent individuals are taught that their bodies belong to them, their ‘no’ is valid and their boundaries are respected. Where an individual can say “I need space” or “I don’t want to” and they are met with “that’s ok thank you for telling me” instead of being deemed as rude and disrespectful.
Listening is protection: respecting the word ‘no’.
Living in a world not made for neurodivergent people as a neurodivergent person, the body often says “no” to the world’s demands. Honouring your bodies boundaries is not rebellion it is reclamation.
So if you would like to help neurodivergent people become that little bit less vulnerable, listen to their ‘no’ because ‘no’ is a full sentence.
———
Thank you for reading this, if this message speaks to you, reach out, share it, start a conversation.
📩 Email me: keerayprsupersencic@gmail.com
