23/02/2026
z
Things only people who’ve joined slimming clubs will know:
1. You will wear exactly the same thing to get weighed each week. It might be -3 degrees outside, but you’ll be wearing a floaty summer dress and freezing your t**s off.⚖️
2. You’ve considered weighing-in wearing just a swimming costume.⚖️
3. There’s always a Janet in the group who takes 42 cruises a year.⚖️
4. You’ll save all your Syns/Points up in the week so you can neck a bottle of vodka on Friday night.⚖️
5. There’s always a Pauline in group who ate 9 sausage rolls at her uncle’s funeral and put on 6 pounds in a week.⚖️
6. You will not eat a thing before weigh-in. Even if weigh-in is at 8pm.
7. You’ll praise a Susan who maintained.⚖️
8. Food on the diet a bit dry? Quark. Need a creamy hit in your pasta? Quark. Broken leg? Quark. End world poverty? Quark.⚖️
9. Group leader: “You can eat a whole bag of pasta if you need to.....but you won’t be able to”.
You: “I beg to fu***ng differ, Linda”.⚖️
11. There will always be one lone man called Peter in group who loses 8-9 pounds each week. He seems like a lovely chap you’ll applaud, but you’ll all secretly hate the bastard.⚖️
12. You will be unable to poo before you get weighed. As soon as you get home....massive sh*t.⚖️
13. The group leader will try to tell you that potatoes cut into strips and sprayed in Fry Light are “better than chip shop chips”. This is bu****it Linda. Bullsh*t.⚖️
14. A new flavour of Müller Light is announced and it creates a frenzy of riot proportions.⚖️
15. Linda is no skinny Minnie herself and doesn’t follow the plan. ⚖️
16. Syns/Points don’t count if it’s to help cure a hangover. They also don’t count if you’re eating them off another person’s plate. ⚖️
