Victoria the Celebrant

20/12/2025

Tomorrow we meet midwinter, the winter solstice, the longest night.

And for anyone who is grieving, this time of year can feel especially difficult, with Yule and Christmas festivities, and the turning of the year into the first, or yet another, year without them.

Did you know that the night before the solstice has been, and is by many still, known as ‘Mother’s Night’ in Northern European and Celtic countries?

A time not to run from the darkness, but honour it - in folklore and mythology, the darkness represents the womb from where all life and knowledge was birthed, the mother of life, as well as a time to remember the mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers who gave us life today.

And on the solstice, the darkness literally gives birth to the sun, as we begin to welcome fractions of light, day by day.

A pretty good analogy for grief, too, when you think about it - when we slowly, and very gently, learn to live our new lives without them by our sides, but forever protected in the roots of everything we do, which is because of them.

So tonight, perhaps you will light a candle, a tiny token of light in the darkness, and simply take a moment to remember those significant others in your life, who no longer walk the physical world beside you, with no pressure, no expectation of festivities or frivolities - just a pause to embrace a moment of stillness, and memory.

And if one of those is your mother, grandmother, or mother figure… this night is literally for them.

Take care, everyone 🤍💫

📸 The Green Man Sleeping at GreenAcres Epping Park GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks

15/04/2025

Sometimes life ‘lifes’ and you just need to pause…

After a bit of a health scare at the start of the year, I will be having surgery at the end of the month.

I am therefore taking some precious time to rest, reflect, and spend time with my family beforehand, so that I am in the best possible place to focus on recovering, and getting back on my feet afterwards.

A huge thank you to all who have supported me over the last few months, and I look forward to seeing you all soon 🤍

29/03/2025

Just me, doing what I’m not very good at, and taking a moment to reflect between a service, and meeting with a new family…

It has become very clear to me, over the last few weeks, that our role is not only supporting the families and friends of those no longer with us, but we are also part of supporting a community as a whole.

🤍 I have seen families I’ve supported in the past arrive as guests at services months, even years later

🤍 I have seen guests at a service one week, who I see again at a seemingly unrelated service a week or so later (and it’s so beautiful that they come up and say hello)

🤍 I have had people come up to me and thank me for giving them the service, the experience, of being part of someone’s celebration - this also means so much, because I am a huge believer in it being your service, which I am here to support and facilitate, and to try and give all those there ownership of that. It’s an empowering thing to take away

I don’t know why it has hit me so hard this week… but it has. It’s powerful and humbling, a little overwhelming… but important to acknowledge, I think.

Take care, everyone 🤍

10/01/2025

A beautiful frosty sunset at Parndon Wood this afternoon before a twilight service 🤍✨

I don’t actually think it’s thawed out here today at all!

22/11/2024

As part of the first , you may be seeing lots of posts shouting about the amazing work us celebrants get up to (because it is so, so much more than the 30 - 45 minutes or so you see on the funeral day)

We all have our own vibe, approaches, and skills we have cultivated, sometimes over years of looking after others when you need us most, which is why it is so important you find someone who you get on with, and trust, to support you throughout this time (yes yes yes - you have every right to choose your celebrant!!)

Here’s just a small sample of our toolkit, the ways in which we work WITH you (because I believe this is a collaborative process, as much or as little as feels right for you)

We are…

🤍 an active listener, who will not only listen to what you are saying, but the things you are struggling to say
🤍 a storyteller, threading together all the things you share with us to celebrate your person in a way which feels right for them, and you
🤍 a presenter, who’s able to read a room, and adjust our energy to reflect
🤍 a confidant, someone for you to offload to if you’re struggling with coming up with something to say, arrangements, or family dynamics
🤍 an event planner, who works with your chosen venues, arrangers, funeral directors, conductors, and their various different music and media companies to make sure everything is in place
🤍 tech support, if you’re struggling with photos to display during the service, or music to play at your celebration in the middle of the woods
🤍 a veritable library of different music, songs, readings, from which we can recommend to you, should you be struggling to choose
🤍 wingperson on the day itself, should you struggle to speak
🤍 an enabler and facilitator of often difficult conversations
🤍 cheerleader - you’ve got this (and we’ve got you)

And I know I’m not the only one, but for many of us, this is most definitely not a Monday-Friday, 9-5 kind of job…

So a huge big-up and thank you to my fellow celebrants, and to all those who have supported me personally over the last 4+ years in my own celebrant journey.

Take care, everyone 🤍

13/11/2024

‘And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on’

~ Lord Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage

📸 Reasons To Stay Alive, Matt Haig

20/09/2024

A really uplifting evening last night at GreenAcres Living Memorial Parks Epping Forest, learning about the message behind their rebrand, of nurturing beautiful places where life and memories walk hand in hand.

Got chatting to their MD Christopher Koller about how it is all the little ways people go about remembering those loved and lost which really matter, and we spoke about how the word ‘ritual’ can sometimes feel a bit too ‘hocus pocus’ or religious to some, but as a celebrant, I’m all over it!

Which got me thinking, as I believe we structure our whole days around mini rituals, and then I couldn’t sleep last night until I got this out my head 😂 enjoy!

Rituals

The little things we do which centre us in moments fleeting,
Which hold space for self, to pause, think, or soothe when seething!
That first cup of tea in your favourite mug,
The ‘don’t you dare leave this house without giving me a hug!’
It’s sat looking out the window with the sun on your face,
Eyes closed, chin raised, a few seconds of grace.
It’s teeth before breakfast, or bath before bed,
That checking your glasses aren’t still on top of your head.

So why do we feel, when a life is done,
That we have to ‘process’ our grief the same as everyone?
Carbon-copy funerals, words on repeat,
A mere few minutes to squish all and everything in neat?
Rituals for the living, rituals for the dead,
In the end, it’s all about stepping forward, ahead
Safe in the knowledge that the little things we do
All reconnect us to the one and only… you.

A walk through the woods, their favourite flowers in hand,
Taking the dog to have a quiet word with Nan,
Where she lays in the forest, or rests by a tree,
Becoming a part of nature’s beauty for all eternity.
Time to sit on that bench alongside a moment to think,
Before heading home to raise a glass of their favourite drink.
It’s tapping their photo, ‘goodnight’ to the urn,
The place at the table, the candle that burns.

New rituals, new habits, are nothing to be scared of,
Nor to shy away from, or be embarrassed to speak of.
For they arm us with confidence, with love and with courage,
To celebrate memories entrusted to us with heart and a flourish,
In ways which may mean little to those looking in,
But to those of us who love them, they mean
Everything.

~ 🤍 Victoria the Celebrant

20/05/2024

Last Friday, I was so fortunate to attend a fantastic event run by and Dr Kate Powis 🤍

My head is literally buzzing, but here are a few of my takeaways (I’m literally unable to include everything here, it’s too long to post!)

Grief is everywhere, everyday - it’s just that, as a society, we generally don’t embrace it apart from at very specific times (ie funeral services)

Ellie is looking to change this with her awesome art installations!

Movement matters - even little things, small touches, can totally change the energy and perception of how something is experienced

This is why I usually invite people to hold hands, should they wish, at key moments of a service (such as the committal) because it unifies everyone, and, in a weird way, gives ‘permission’ to support each other, or invite people to touch the coffin as they say their farewells…

Because we, as humans, often find ourselves needing permission to do anything outside of a perceived ‘norm’ or expectation

Funeral services do not have to be quiet, static events - spontaneity brings authenticity

Though this can be hard to manage in a crematorium setting, with strict time limits… this is why alternative venues for services are invaluable

The use of Ripple Rituals can be invaluable at carrying the act of remembrance beyond the service - giving out their favourite chocolate, sweets, or teabags, and designing bespoke wordsearches to go in the orders of service, inviting people to take a moment at a later time to sit and remember them.

Because a funeral service is just one element of a whole grief journey, one which possibly began weeks, months, or even years before your person died, especially if they have been getting older, or have been ill. And it certainly won’t be the last time you celebrate or remember them, either

And that journey starts not only for those left behind, but also for the person actively dying.

So what rituals can we develop, facilitating difficult conversations, to support people to grieve, including those who know they are dying, in a way which is life affirming?

Just a few things I’m thinking about at the moment…!

07/05/2024

04/04/2024

‘Please know that you should NEVER receive a friend request from a funeral director to view a webcast of a service, and you should NEVER be charged to watch it.’

Scammers really will try to exploit you anytime - yes, even when you’re grieving. But forearmed is forewarned.

Take care, and spread the word 🤍

Emma Johnstone says fraudsters attempted to steal money from mourners via a bogus live stream.

28/03/2024

27/03/2024

A new post with some hints and tips for giving a speech or eulogy at a funeral 💫

Tips for speaking at a funeral. How to prepare yourself to speak at a funeral, from text size and spacing, to breathing, backups and more.