Tending Hearts

08/12/2025

❤️Love Came First ❤️xx

07/12/2025

Talking about the 'inevitable' is something that is rarely comfortable, and this chimed with me from my experience of supporting those at end of life.

There is something about transitions, in both birth and death, that strips away the stuff that has always held us tightly together, neatly closed and in control. In my years as a birth doula it was this unravelling, the ability to peel back the layers to truly meet yourself and open up to the experience, that was the magic, the psychospiritual work of going through something, being with the transition, rather than against it. It had nothing to do with outcome or birth experience, the key was to let the phenomena of birth be fully felt, met and understood.

I see the very same thing happening in the dying process. As an end of life doula, the gradual journey towards acceptance - conversations, making plans, exploring the threshold - is part of what helps prepare both the dying and their families for the shift. And it really matters afterwards as to how loved ones process and make sense of their grief.

A family said to me the other day "It's like we are all grieving together now, with Dad, whilst he is still alive, there are a lot of tears, but it feels like such deep love. I think it is helping all of us for life beyond, for him and for us."

How beautiful ❤️

What is unsaid, is long felt....

Beautiful reflection from Gabby at Hospice Heart, below...🙏

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Over the years, I have been asked by families to “please don’t tell them they are dying.” I have sat at bedsides where family members pleaded with me not to say the word hospice or acknowledge death out loud. I always hold that request with respect. I know that the reasons are deeply personal, woven from culture, tradition, history, and love. I would never dismiss those choices. Still, what I have witnessed time and again is that the person who is dying almost always already knows. Their bodies tell them. Their hearts know. Their awareness deepens, even if no one around them dares to name it.

What stays with me are the moments lost when the truth is withheld. I have seen people leave without the chance to say goodbye, without being given the opening to speak words they have held close for years, words of forgiveness, apology, or gratitude. I believe those conversations, as painful as they might feel, are among the most sacred parts of dying. When we avoid them, we sometimes protect ourselves more than we protect the person we love.

This is not simple, and I don’t pretend there is only one way.
There are situations where speaking directly isn’t possible or appropriate. But from what I have witnessed, I believe that naming what is real gives people the chance to meet the end of life on their own terms, with dignity, honesty, and peace. And to me, that is one of the greatest gifts we can offer.

In the end, this will always be your choice as a family. But if it were up to me, I would encourage honesty. Not harsh or unkind, but gentle and loving, meeting your person right where they are. In doing so, you not only support them in one of the most tender chapters of their life, but you also allow them the chance to feel truly seen, heard, and held as well as giving them the opportunity to say goodbye, which would be taken from them if the honest conversations were not had.

Gabby heart

05/12/2025

Christmas Memorial week has begun - we had a lovely gathering last night at Izzy's Memorial evening in Stone - so good to reconnect with families and be together at this time of year.

Next one is Garsides at Biddulph Town Hall on Tuesday evening. Be lovely to see you there if you feel called...

Info below...

Much love,

💓 Susanna xx

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🕯️Christmas Memorial Service🕯️

Our annual memorial service will take place on Tuesday, December 9th, 7pm at Biddulph Town Hall.

While we will formally write to all families we have served over the last 12 months this is still an open invitation to all.

Should you wish to attend please can we ask that you either email -
Jgarside.biddulph@dignityfunerals.co.uk or call 01782 513210
confirming how many will be in attendance. We also need to know the name of your loved one/s - this is so we can add their name/s to the service. Should you like a photo to be shared of your loved one too, please include this.

01/12/2025

December….

Such a difficult month when there is someone not here to end the year with you….

Later this week is the start of some lovely Christmas Memorial evenings hosted by local Funeral Directors - be lovely to
see you if you fancy coming along…a chance to be together, and remember loved ones ❤️

✨Thursday 4th December 7pm - Izzy Whittaker - Walton Community Centre, Stone

✨Monday 8th December 6pm - Kevin Lowndes Family Funeral Services - Newcastle

✨Tuesday 9th December 7pm - Garsides at Biddulph Town Hall

✨Thursday 11th December 7pm - The Old Chapel, Etruria

I ll be there, waiting with a hug and a chance to chat over a cuppa & mince pie…

All the love,

Susanna xx

30/11/2025

I’m up in Nairn just now, enjoying a few quiet days away from life (and death) Sea air and slow days, sitting by the fire and lots of cups of tea….

Yesterday was the Xmas lights switch on in the town, with lots of stalls and chatter and merriment. I stood at the side of all the goings on, feeling the noise of it all, next to an older gentleman who was beaming at it all.

We caught each others eye and got chatting. He shared how he came down every year, and never missed a switch-on, loving the magic of it all.

His wife had died earlier this year and “she loved Christmas” - he was determined to keep their tradition going, with Xmas jumper on and a hot mulled wine.

It was only then that I realised we were stood outside the local Funeral Directors…. and there were tears in his eyes…

“They looked after her, this was her last place of rest. This is where I ll stand every year from now on.”

His face returned to a smile as the marching band came past, all dressed as elves & toy soldiers.

We chatted some more about this time of year, the joy and the sadness, the getting through it and doing it for them.

It was lovely to chat to him, and share a poignant moment….

Sending love out to all who are trying to find the sparkle in the darkle….💔⭐️❤️

27/11/2025

It was a privilege to help out at Flick's 'Going Away Party' this week - there was so much love in the chapel for this almighty woman. Brilliant music, dancing, laughter and tears. Flick was unique in all the world, and was truly unforgettable.

Thanks Kate at The Old Chapel Etruria - Bespoke Funeral Venue and Izzy....Isobel Whittaker Funeral Services and Pam Mawston, you did her proud 🩷

Her light will remain ✨🌟✨

23/11/2025

Possibly the best Celebration of Life notice I've ever seen... in Flick's own words...

Just brilliant, an utter legend....

❤️🌟❤️

02/11/2025

This very same sentiment struck me this weekend....the weirdness of how at Halloween, we're ok with skeletons, ghosts and RIP signs being everywhere, yet for the most part we hush death away...

I've had more 'death aware' conversations with folk this past couple of weeks than usual - perhaps the 'deathness' helps switch us on to the reality that life doesn't go on for ever...

Thanks CPJ Field for this post...🙏

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We don't do Halloween.
Here's why.
On Halloween, death is everywhere.
Skeletons. Ghosts. Graves in the front garden.
For one night, we're fine with it.
Then we spend 364 days pretending death doesn't exist.
Here's what we see:
Families who don't talk about death until they have to.
Who take photos down because seeing them hurts.
Who think moving on quickly is strength.
Who grieve alone because talking about death feels wrong.
Here's the truth:
What helps most isn't hiding grief.
It's keeping them present.
Saying their name. Telling stories. Gathering to remember.
Death isn't scary because it's death.
It's scary because we've made it unspeakable.
What if we just spoke about it?
Not once a year in costumes.
Just honestly. Regularly. Openly.
There's no right way to grieve.
But we've seen what helps.
And silence isn't it.
That's what we're here for.
Not to make death fun.
To make it talkable.

23/10/2025

I actually met Flick aka 'My Traitorous Tit' last week after following her story for ages....she is even more amazing in real life! I've shared her posts with folk before as she's so flippin' inspiring, an absolute legend with such an incredible spirit....and so SO funny!

October is breast cancer awareness month - keep checking 🙂

🩷XX

21/10/2025

A little while ago, I did a service for a dear matriarch who was incredibly big hearted. Every Christmas she would bake Christmas cakes for folk, and went out of her way to ripple out her love.

When I met with her family, her handwritten recipe for her legendary fruit cake fell out of the pile of photos we were looking through. I mentioned how I love a good fruit cake and they insisted I take a copy. The day before the funeral, I felt called to bake and so doubled up the ingredients to make two cakes - one for the family and one for us. I loved following her recipe - and thought of all the hours she'd spent in the kitchen with the radio on, cooking up tins of love for those in her community. It felt like the right thing to do, to honour her this way, on the eve of her final ceremony.

I was a little concerned that I might mess it up and spoil their cherished memory of her cake! But all was well, and they were so chuffed - it was absolutely delicious, and and we all toasted Rita with a cup of tea and cake at home after the service.

Thank you Rita, your love lives on...xx

19/10/2025

Beautiful ❤️xx

17/10/2025

Always such a special event - part of the wonderful Dougie Macs chance to remember loved ones at Christmas
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Light up a Life is back for 2025 🎄 ✨

Donate and dedicate a light on the hospice Christmas tree to celebrate and remember your loved ones.

Visit our website to find out more about what’s included with your donation and to dedicate your light today. 👇
www.dougiemac.org.uk/events/light-up-a-life

Your donation will help us continue to be there for local families facing a life-limiting illness. 🌻