30/01/2026
Weekly Blog #1: Behaviour Is Communication
There is something I say often in my work and it’s something I wish every parent, every teacher, every professional, and every system truly understood:
Behaviour is communication.
And I don’t mean that as a catchy phrase.
I mean it in the deepest, most human way possible.
Because so often, when we see a child in distress…
what we focus on is what the behaviour looks like on the outside.
The shouting.
The refusal.
The anger.
The running.
The silence.
The storm.
But what I have learned time and time again ,is that behaviour is almost never about “badness.”
It is about need.
It is about a nervous system that is overwhelmed.
It is about a person whose world feels too loud, too confusing, too fast, too unsafe.
And for so many autistic people, ADHD young people, or those with learning disabilities or trauma experiences…
Behaviour becomes the language they use when words are not enough.
It’s Not Misbehaviour! It’s a Message
I’ve met so many parents who come to me feeling broken, exhausted, and full of guilt.
They say:
“Nothing works.”
“They won’t listen.”
“It’s constant.”
“People think I’m failing.”
“I don’t know what they want from me.”
And I always want to gently say this:
Your loved one is not giving you a hard time.
They are having a hard time.
When a person is in meltdown or shutdown, they are not being manipulative.
They are not being naughty.
They are not choosing chaos.
They are communicating something underneath:
• I’m overwhelmed
• This is too much
• I can’t process what you’re asking
• I feel unsafe
• I don’t know how to regulate
• I need help, not punishment
What We See Is the Tip of the Iceberg
So much of what people call “challenging behaviour” is actually the visible part of something much bigger happening underneath.
Stress.
Fear.
Sensory overload.
Demand anxiety.
Trauma responses.
Misunderstanding.
Fatigue.
The behaviour is what rises to the surface.
But the cause is often hidden deep below.
That’s why, instead of asking:
“How do we stop this?”
We need to ask:
“What is this person really trying to tell us?”
Regulation Comes Before Reason
One of the most important truths in neurodivergent care is this:
A person cannot learn, listen, communicate or reflect when their nervous system is in survival mode.
In that moment, the brain isn’t thinking. It’s protecting. So the answer isn’t consequence.The answer isn’t escalation.
The answer is:
• safety
• calm
• consistency
• connection
• co-regulation
Sometimes the most powerful support we can offer is simply: “I’m here. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
This Is the Heart of Our Work
At Include In Autism , this is exactly what we build our support around. We do not see behaviour as something to control. We see it as something to understand. We don’t ask “What’s wrong with this child?”
We ask:
What has happened to them?
What are they experiencing?
What support do they need to feel safe again?
Because children do well when they can, and when they can’t… It is our job to look deeper.
A Message to Parents and Carers
If you are reading this as a parent who feels exhausted…
Please hear me:
You are not failing.
Your child is not broken.
And you are not alone.
Parenting a neurodivergent child can be isolating, heavy, and relentless ,especially when the world misunderstands what you are living through every day.
But there is support. There is understanding. And there is always hope.
Every behaviour has a meaning.
And every person deserves to be met with compassion before judgement.
Remember
Behaviour is communication.
Connection is the intervention.
Safety is the foundation.
And understanding changes everything.
Thank you for reading ,and for caring enough to look beyond the surface.
If this resonates with you, feel free to share your thoughts or experiences below.
We’re in this together.
Marie
