Pie Club

Pie Club Knockout mince pies, since 1999.

Sorry for the absence of Pie Club this year, as you can see, the Orangicron variant is running rampant over the festivit...
24/12/2021

Sorry for the absence of Pie Club this year, as you can see, the Orangicron variant is running rampant over the festivities. I’m sure we’ll be back in 2022 with tastebuds in working order, unless we suffer the same fate as these poor gingerbread men – snatched up by the nuts, to feed a strangely conflicted fruit.
Anyway. Merry Christmas one and all!

It is with great sadness that we must announce the temporary closure of Pie Club for Christmas 2021. Having been set upo...
18/12/2021

It is with great sadness that we must announce the temporary closure of Pie Club for Christmas 2021. Having been set upon by the Covid Monster (pictured) back in November, a sense of taste has not yet been fully restored. Many will feel vindicated that, at last, it has been confirmed that we are a tasteless bunch of weirdos.

Enjoy a safe and compliant Christmas, fellow citizens of planet Corona.

If we must decide on a winner from our patchy competition in Covid’s 2020, it seems only fair to reward one of the jolly...
24/12/2020

If we must decide on a winner from our patchy competition in Covid’s 2020, it seems only fair to reward one of the jolly newbies from the store with the grandest range. Aldi’s Blood Orange Crumble mince pies have got all sorts going on. There’s gin, there’s edible glitter and then next-level tang to reflect on whilst sweeping up the loose crumbs. Well done everyone involved!

As has now become traditional, Pie Club comes to a close with the surface barely suffering a scratch. Sadly, Morrisons, ...
24/12/2020

As has now become traditional, Pie Club comes to a close with the surface barely suffering a scratch. Sadly, Morrisons, Asda and Lidl have been consigned to the non-essential travel pile (which is probably fair). However, we couldn’t sign off without checking in on the M&S Classic, the long-time darling of ‘the thinking man’. She is still perfectly spiced and boasts an unrivalled biscuit bodice, but in this new world feels a little staid, almost a faded Southern Belle, cast aside in boxes of six. Why not find love anew this year?

Et tu Ginger? Christmas 2020 continues to confound as Marks’ Collection goes the same way as many of our holiday plans –...
21/12/2020

Et tu Ginger? Christmas 2020 continues to confound as Marks’ Collection goes the same way as many of our holiday plans – destroyed by an annoying and flighty character from a different time. Having recently been through a box of Iceland Luxury, I am reminded who did the orange thing better, first. Clementines pop and fizz through this posh titbit, and their pastry has a tad more bite. M&S reminding us that they can chuck a decent pie out when they stop fixating on their Colin and Percy lines.

Lost for a year in the frozen wastes of Iceland, this luxury mince pie cleans up very well to offer a smooth and satisfy...
19/12/2020

Lost for a year in the frozen wastes of Iceland, this luxury mince pie cleans up very well to offer a smooth and satisfying punch of spiced orange. Surprisingly, Good Housekeeping picked these out as joint top this year, proving that all broken timepieces are indeed correct every now and then. That dull box needs work though.

Here’s the twelve pies of Christmas, my true love said to me, four dry normals, four stand-out maples, four frangipane, ...
17/12/2020

Here’s the twelve pies of Christmas, my true love said to me, four dry normals, four stand-out maples, four frangipane, and a patchwork of adequacy.
Sorry JSainsburys, you shouldn't have ditched the gingerbread ones from last year's. Winner stays on, surely?

A feat of extraordinary overselling from Aldi today, badging these up as millionaire mince pies when, frankly, your mone...
13/12/2020

A feat of extraordinary overselling from Aldi today, badging these up as millionaire mince pies when, frankly, your money would be better spent elsewhere. Definitely plump for Aldi’s Blood Orange Crumble variety if you find yourself loose in the middle aisle, it has a deep tang fit for the top table, rather than a medicinal salted caramel aftertaste they expect monocle wearers to endure. And, while we are here, how many more years will we have to wait for a chocolate iced pie?

Our annual expedition into the wilds of Ecclefechan finds the beasts have yet to be tamed. Heavily buttered and egged on...
09/12/2020

Our annual expedition into the wilds of Ecclefechan finds the beasts have yet to be tamed. Heavily buttered and egged on, they deliver ounce after ounce of nostalgia for a simpler world where pies and tarts tasted of raisin or treacle, rather than the corporate on-brand flavour. Yes, there is room for both normal and nonsense in the pie panorama each year.
They don’t have to get along though…

Are you sure, Heston? These ‘Night Before Christmas’ pies are seemingly aimed at both Santa and his antlered pals. He’s ...
02/12/2020

Are you sure, Heston? These ‘Night Before Christmas’ pies are seemingly aimed at both Santa and his antlered pals. He’s shoved carrot in both the pastry and the mincemeat, then waved his magical flavour wand to cover his tracks. And he nearly gets away with it too.
Anyway, all at Pie Club hope he won his bet.

Lock up your bird feeders! The real Tesco Finest, in their umpteenth year as alien-faced freakshows, are here for your f...
01/12/2020

Lock up your bird feeders! The real Tesco Finest, in their umpteenth year as alien-faced freakshows, are here for your fat balls. In truth, it’s a very orthodox pie with sound traditional spicing that even the heady booze mix can’t knock from its stride. The pastry musters in an other-worldly cloy at times though.

Avast, me hearties! A vast difference between these pirate ‘treasures’ and the treats they wanted to be. Keep your expec...
28/11/2020

Avast, me hearties! A vast difference between these pirate ‘treasures’ and the treats they wanted to be. Keep your expectations lower than Davy Jones’ shoe rack, and the long gone sliver of rum will please, briefly, before the wave of mediocrity dashes your spirits. Not Tesco’s finest.

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