23/04/2026
"Do as we say, not as we do"
Match Report: Mid Calder Coaching Team 7–5 RBS Select
Under the bright lights and with expectations somewhere between “casual kickabout” and “Galácticos reborn,” the Mid Calder Coaching Team took to the pitch for their very first 7-a-side outing together. What followed was a game that had everything: goals, controversy, questionable goalkeeping, and a heroic comeback that will be spoken about in coaching sessions for weeks (whether the kids like it or not).
Mid Calder’s squad selection included John Chisholm—picked largely on the basis that he teaches/coaches speed and agility to the kids. As it turns out, he’s not just talking the talk. Despite giving away a few years to the rest, John covered every blade of grass all evening, showing composure on the ball and a work rate that suggested he’d accidentally turned up for a marathon rather than a 7-a-side match.
The game, however, began in less inspiring fashion. Mid Calder started slowly—very slowly—and quickly found themselves 3–0 down. In goals, Stuart Binnie appeared to be trialling an innovative “evasion-based” goalkeeping technique, bravely leaping out of the ball’s path on more than one occasion. To his credit, he never hid, worked tirelessly throughout, and when moved out wide looked like an adult version of Noah—a natural right winger with tidy technique and good intent.
Chances came and went for Mid Calder, mostly went. Ryan Fielding, who otherwise provided a calm head and was a real driving force in the team, seemed determined to keep the ball everywhere except the net—his finishing at times bringing mild concern for his family name.
The turning point came in dramatic fashion when Richard Wilson was unceremoniously flattened in a challenge that would have made Max McAlinden or Alfie McKay nod in quiet approval. As he lay there contemplating life choices, he swears he heard Lockie’s voice: “Get up, it’s football, it happens, you’re alright dad.” Stirring stuff.
That moment lit the fuse. Tackles flew in with a bit more intent—Derek McGregor at the heart of it, working tirelessly with quick feet and creating problems with every attack—and soon after, Phil Bayne calmly slotted home Mid Calder’s first with a neat finish at the near post. Phil, who still clearly possesses that touch of class, would go on to play a crucial role at both ends, combining his attacking contribution with some excellent saves later in the match.
Game on… briefly. RBS responded, and suddenly it was 4–1.
Undeterred, Richard Wilson pulled one back with—yes—another near post effort, clearly identifying a weakness and exploiting it with ruthless efficiency. Then came the goal that will divide opinion for years: Ryan Fielding struck a shot that ricocheted off what can only be described as the exact corner of the wall and somehow ended up in the net. After lengthy (and entirely unnecessary) deliberation, VAR—also known as “the loudest voice nearby”—confirmed the goal would stand, on the basis that being a fluke is not, technically, illegal. 4–3.
Momentum had shifted, helped in no small part by James, whose youthful energy injected life into the side and gave Mid Calder the legs they’d been missing earlier. Richard then produced a moment of genuine quality, rifling a long-range effort into the top corner to level the game. From nowhere, it was 4–4, and RBS were wobbling.
Sensing the moment, Coach Richard took matters into his own hands, dragging Mid Calder into the lead for the first time with another unstoppable strike into the top corner. Not content with that, he added another shortly after, making it 6–4 and completing a turnaround that felt improbable just minutes earlier.
Mid Calder began to show a more composed side, keeping possession and managing the game intelligently. John Chisholm continued to set the tone with his composure and relentless running, while Ryan Fielding dictated play more effectively—though the less said about some of his finishing, the better.
Phil Bayne, now in goals, made several crucial saves to preserve the lead, showing sharp reactions and reminding everyone of his quality. However, even he could do nothing about a thunderbolt from RBS that flew into the top corner to make it 6–5 and set up a nervy finale.
But with the very last kick of the game, Richard Wilson sealed the win in style—meeting the ball sweetly on the volley and sending it in off the post. A fitting end to a remarkable comeback, and a performance that he will almost certainly bring up at every available opportunity moving forward.
A chaotic, entertaining, and ultimately triumphant evening for Mid Calder Coaching Team. If this is what game one looks like, lets see what happens next.
Mid Calder Coaching Team welcome the challenge for any takers out there (terms and conditions apply, offers will only be considered if you're not very good at football).
