Ava Chiu 趙慰芬

28/11/2024

When you look at yourself in the mirror,
What do you see?
What do you feel?
What do you say?

08/07/2023

Using Silence

Some people dread silence more than others. They rush to fill moments of silence, with noise, sound, music, chitchats, lectures, podcasts, etc

The following paragraph, from Joseph M. Marshall III’s “Keep Going”, introduces another way of relating with silence.

“The Earth has a heartbeat, “ Old Hawk said. “In between each beat is silence. That silence is the time when the Earth’s life force gathers strength for the next beat. You must learn to do the same. Use the silence to gather yourself.”

05/09/2022

Things we long to hear from ourselves:

I see you.
You don’t need to win my love.
I love you already.
I promise I will take care of you.
You were hurt.
Thank you for surviving this far.
Now that I see you, we can heal.
We can share an abundant life.

From me to me.

04/11/2021

Difficult time

Life does not always take place in a swimming pool. Sometimes it takes place in the formidable rapids, water fast-flowing and turbulent over rocks after rocks.

Our natural tendency is either to panic stiff, or to swim even more effortfully. Both ways will get us seriously hurt.

People experienced in shooting rapids learn a third way. Their secret is to relax, really relax, and let the water carry them along. This way they find will let them slip through among the rocks most smoothly, minimizing the danger of getting hurt.

I don’t know how true this is and I would certainly not opt to swim in rapids. But I do witness in the consultation room that when people develop the ability to flow with life, sliding among the many inevitable obstacles life presents to it, they suffer less and begin to feel a different sense of well-being.

There is real power in relaxation.

16/10/2020

Babies’ eyes

We all love looking into babies’ eyes.

Yes babies are cute and beautiful, but there is something more going on as we lock gaze with them.

Researchers find that when a baby and an adult make eye contact, their brain waves fall in sync. The baby's and the adult's brain activity appear to get in sync by meeting in the middle. When gazes are shared, a baby's brain waves becomes more like the adult’s, and the adult’s more like the baby's.

This shared pattern of brain activity may pave the way for better communication. So when the eyes of adults and babies meet, and brains meet, some interesting learning happens, for both adult and baby. (Reference: “Speaker gaze increases information coupling between infant and adult brains” by Victoria Leong, Elizabeth Byrne, Kaili Clackson, Stanimira Georgieva, Sarah Lam, Sam Wass)

We would all agree that babies have a lot to learn from us. But how about the other way round?

Recalling my personal experience, babies, when they look at us, they are totally present. They are intense and they open up. Their gaze are not laden with psychological defences. There is curiosity and eagerness to just meet us. This simple openness somehow helps us open up bodily. They help us access the part of ourselves that are not guarded, and that is a blessed place, long forgotten and surprisingly uplifting when in a safe place.

And where can it be more safe than with a lovely baby who look at you with their twinkling eyes?

09/05/2020

We draw circles.

We draw circles to keep people in, and we draw circles to keep people out. We get drawn into circles, and we get shut out of them.

That year, I found myself excluded from the circle I used to belong to and which I loved so dearly. The hurt was intolerable and I reacted by drawing myself smaller and smaller circles, until it almost stiffened my aching heart to a halt.

And then...

My teacher noticed. He knew about circles. He could tell the difference between circles that we drew from a place of love, and circles that we drew from a place of hurt, fear, neediness or insecurity.

He kindly invited me to listen to him as he recited this little poem “Outwitted” by Edwin Markham. He was slow, and I was dreamy. I saw circles in tears.

Looking back, the four lines of this simple poem, this drawing of circles, from a place of love, give a lesson which I keep forgetting, then remembering, learning and re-learning, over and over again. Maybe like circles, there is no end to this learning. Like circles we need to return again and again.

17/04/2020

Open-close palms

I remember fondly the first time my then baby daughter learned the game of open-close hands.

“Close, Open, close, open,” we would say, as she discovered with great delight what a fun toy her little hands could be.

An open palm helps us sense relaxation, and it is often a signal of contentment and surrender of control. It allows things to be given to you or things to be taken away. It let things be.

A closed palm speaks of a desire to control, to exert efforts and to hold on. It is about the will to have things our way.

When we face stresses in life, we tend to contract our flexor muscles in the arm and hand resulting in a tight fist. And even when what have caused the stresses are long gone, the fists stay put. We remain stressed.

Which is better? Open or close? Well, just like no one can only breathe in and not breathe out, we need both the open and close palms to get on in life.

Healing thus occurs not in the open position as many assume. It occurs when we become aware of the sensations of both positions, can consciously choose between them, and always retain the flexibility transitioning between them. Healing is about not being stuck in any one position.

Enjoy this exercise below. Synchronize your inhaling with closing your palm, and exhaling with opening the fist. The secret is to do it slowly, with full attention so that you can sense how it feels going between the two positions. So that you know you are transitioning when you are transitioning.

Feel the pleasure as your hands learn to dance the beautiful dance of the jelly fish!

05/04/2020

Warm drinks, warm feelings?

According to a social priming study by John Bargh, University of Colorado, holding a warm cup of coffee makes one socially closer to others, seeing strangers as more welcoming and trustworthy, while a cold drink had the opposite effect. The results of the study, and its extrapolations, have subsequently been questioned by some social psychologists, who have tried and failed to replicate similar outcomes.

Whilst psychologists fail to reach a consensus, we ourselves are the ultimate authority of our subjective experience. I personally find holding a warm cup and drinking a warm drink a most soothing and relaxing experience.

Holding a warm cup increases our physical warmth. It is as if we were holding hands with a most trusted friend. Interestingly, there is an acupuncture point in the palm named Láogōng PC8 (勞宮穴) the warming of which is said to have the effect of soothing one’s mood and bringing peace of mind （清心安神）.

Drinking hot beverages also slows us down. A hot drink can only be taken slowly. We sip, we wait, we blow, we breathe, and we see the vapors rising up, dispersing into the vastness surrounding us. And suddenly life does not get rushed through. We live.

So whilst in isolation, and deprived from the comfort of warm physical touch from each other, a warm cup of your most favorite drink might do wonders for you!

27/03/2020

Beholding what we already have
With a new pair of eyes

21/03/2020

“Outside in or Inside out?”

Try this simple exercise below which is very effective helping one to relax the mind and the body, and which also throws light on the habitual direction of one’s attention.

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Sit or lie down comfortably in a safe place. Put one hand on your tummy. Take a few easy breaths, allowing the tummy to rise and fall as you breathe in and out. Notice which is more true to your sensation right now:
Is it your hands touching your tummy, or
Is it your tummy touching your hands?

Take a few minutes to sense this habitual direction. Then, try the other direction. Feel the difference that the two modes make to your body. See also what difference they make in your mind, and your relationship with others.

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Becoming aware of your habitual mode opens up possibilities for new experience. What if we change the mode at least some of the time and see how it affects our body, our mind and our relationship with others ?

Be curious!

16/01/2020

Very practical advice indeed!

5 Ways To Stop Feeling So Stressed Out All The Time Stress is one of the most serious health problems of the 21st century. In 2018, almost three-quarters (74%) of adults reported that they sometimes feel too stressed to cope with everyday life. Stress has a significant impact on mental health. Over....

17/11/2019

Let the steps bring you out

When one is emotionally agitated and overwhelmed, the body feels like a living hell, flooded with unpleasant and often intolerable sensations. The head might feel like exploding, or the heart tearing itself apart, a state which no tears or words can ever express. It is often at this point that all hell breaks loose, getting us into even bigger troubles. The best way to protect ourselves is to leave the scene immediately. Find a safe and quiet place and start to walk in a way that you can feel the touch of your feet on the ground and sense it. The sensation of each steady step has the effect of calming the heart, breathing and the nervous system. In times like this, it is advisable to look after our emotion first before rushing into decisions.

一步一步走出來
極度激動的時候，渾身不對勁，頭快爆，心快裂，欲哭無淚，欲訴無言，最易抓狂惹禍！自救方法，是即時離開現場，找個安全的地方，在地面印出腳步，一步一步持續走，讓腳步幫助呼吸、心跳和神經系統，回復平靜。先處理身心情緒，才可能好好處理事情。