07/11/2023
BUT I STILL LOVE THE NARCISSIST! THE ADDICTION OF THE TRAUMA BOND...... A trauma bond is an addiction to a person, and if you are having withdrawal feelings like any addict, then like any other addict, you have to resist "using" again, in this case, the narcissist. Do counseling, or find a recovery group, which will help. But, in the end, whether you move on to a much better life, and the love you always wanted, is up to you.
YOUR HEART VS YOUR MIND....it can be a tug of war after you are no longer with the narcissist. I have heard many people say that although they KNOW what the narc is, and know that the narc is using them and is bad for them, destroying them, they don't go no-contact with the narcissist or keep the narc out of their lives because they think "they love" the narc. But, do they?
The experts say that this is actually a "trauma bond", and survivors need to read up on that topic. One thing is for sure...there is NO SILVER BULLET that ends the feelings...or, if there is one, it's TIME, and moving on with your life, and maintaining strict no contact.
If you have kids with the narc, use minimal contact, email or text only, or better yet Our Family Wizard, and then only about school, the child's health, and visits. Ignore any personal attacks or comments made by the narcissist. And, a form of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can teach you how to recover.
YOU are the one who can help you the most, and it takes a lot of guts, and you have to be strong and resist the feeling of wanting to contact the narc, or letting the narc contact you FOR ANY REASON. This is a time of HEAD OVER HEART...that is, you have to do what you KNOW is right and best for you, not what you feel like doing.
Like any addict, you may be clean and sober, so to speak, for quite some time and then, experience cravings again...6 months later, or 6 years later. No matter. Expect it to happen. Take a step back, and detach and observe yourself.
Talk to yourself about it. You can do this. The world is full of survivors who were trauma-bonded and who have moved on to happiness. This forum has many. You will be one of them.
And, by the way, the good times will NOT return...at least not for long, and the narcissist will NOT change, not for long. You will be love bombed, then devalued and abused, then discarded, again...and again....and again....as long as you allow it...but you're smarter than that.
We have a private and confidential group as well, called “Freedom From Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse-the Group” where you can get support from other survivors, and can post anonymously if you choose. We’d love to have you join so be sure to answer the membership questions and agree to the rules, otherwise the auto-mod will automatically turn down your application. Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/191053664971647
