27/06/2017
So very true!
I married my husband 9 years ago and i am not sure that I know him as well as I did.
In those days, we were instrinsically woven in one anothers lives. We had long conversations spoken and unspoken. We explored the world one country at a time, sober by day, pi**ed by night. Our friends were an integral part of our being and we spent most weekends with them.
We listened to music as we smoked in our kitchen with the back door open thinking 'that'll do'. We attended a lot of weddings but rarely a christening. We spent 600 euro on each other for birthdays or xmas, sometimes more. We delved knee deep into each others lives and felt completely certain that our strong love would forever speak its narrative in this same way. That our world would be a beautiful continuity of our current meaning.
Max was born in 2010.
We were so ready for our child in our home and in our hearts. We embraced his arrival with adoration and surrendered to the exhaustion and the shock. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed when max was a couple of weeks old - smothered by the volcano of love and loss that had erupted in my life. And my husband assured me this feeling was normal and i should keep talking to him. Just keep talking, he said. I never loved him more.
Ava-claire was born in 2013
My marriage had grown in strength. And now, a daughter. She was named after the county we had both said i love you in, for the first time -Co Clare.
In the rushness of life with two, and the hushness of putting two down to sleep and the tiredness in the evenings, he and I didnt get to talk as much. No time.
Have to go to work
Have to go to college
Have to empty the dishwasher
Have to pick her up for ballet
Have to drop him to the match
Go, go, go, go. Keep going. How are ya? Fine, all good here. Great, see ye at home.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Ella-rose was born in 2016. There have been moments i could barely catch my breath , let alone look at going on a date night- a monthly occurrence that we had somehow allow slip. We have chased the nights and caught up just in time for a chinwag and a meal out. And those are the nights i think 'oh i miss you '. We are as close as ever , our love is still intrinsically woven into our lives - its just that when 3 other weaves get in there, its hard to find the knot that tied the promise.
We have grown and changed as individuals. We cannot be the people we were when we met. Couples continue to get to know each other in all parts and paths of their journey. But when children join the journey , it somewhat pauses.
I dont know what his favourite song is on the radio now. I dont know what's on his mind as much. I dont know things that i used to know.
But heres the exciting part.
We can go back!
Years from now when the kids have left, we can turn to each other and say hi again and we can get to know each other with long spoken and unspoken conversations, exploring the world one country at a time, sober by day, pi**ed by night.
Until then, walk with me, we are always on our way.
💛
