31/10/2025
💬 Things I said in sessions this week…
Several parents raised concerns about their child’s angry outbursts.
Here’s something I regularly say:
👉 Anger is often a bodyguard.
It steps in to protect from feelings that feel too raw, too painful or too embarrassing, like jealousy, sadness, shame, fear...
If we pause and look beneath the anger, there is usually a child who feels left out, embarrassed, powerless, or hurt.
That doesn’t mean we excuse any aggressive behaviour, far from it! Parents regularly hear me say:
“We can explain, but not excuse.”
🤔It is helpful to be curious about the explanation.
It starts with language. Instead of saying “He was being bold again”, try a factual, judgement free description of the behaviour, for example:
🗣️ “He shouted when his brother got to go first.”
That shift, from judgement to observation opens space for understanding, not shame.
💡Takeaway for parents:
Behaviour is communication. The next time your child has an outburst, try asking yourself:
“What might this anger be protecting?”
"What else might be going on?"
It’s not soft, it’s strategic.
