22/05/2022
Why do we try to change the people we love?
I've been talking with some of the people around me that have been deeply injured by their parents, society and their partners because they never accepted them the way they are.
The have been constantly trying to change them to better fit into their picture of what they need to be in order to get love.
Sometimes people try to change their children in order to protect them, basically trying to save them from all the bad experiences that they had through life, not being able to fully understand the reasons behind these bad experiences, or because they think their child will have a better life if they pursue a career that is maybe better paid then the one they are leaning towards to. Makes more sense to push your child to be a doctor, than a musician, right? You are, in that way securing the better future for your child, it seems?
But is it really? You are only doing this because you have made some mistakes in your life, never amended them, and now you are trying to live through your own child, satisfying your own needs and totally denying your child's needs and his own story. But your story might be complete different to your child ones. Your and him/her/they are not the same person.
Every child that is born into this world is coming in with their own story worth of pursuing. Of course, they will be hurt from time to time, but your role here is to comfort them and support them.
If that is lacking in the child's life, they grow up into people that find partners that are again going to control them and change them to fit into their world. You are basically training your child to be a perfect prey for the predators and manipulators. How will they say no when you trained them so well to never protect themselves?
We need to talk about the real love, people. Real love is loving people even when they don't behave in the manner you want them to. Even though they are different, have different ideals, and pursue different goal. Of course, we need to be aware of ours as well, and pursue them simultaneously, but we can't expect from our partners to do everything to please us, because even though they are sharing the life together with you, they are separate people and have their own beautiful worlds inside them. Do Not Dim Their Light!