16/01/2026
Why do I find such resistence to spending time do something, seemingly unproductive?
I have been craving time in the woods for a long time now.But I wouldn't allow myself to have it. It felt like a luxury or like time that could be better spent. I had a list full of "shoulds". I should really be exercising or I should be doing house work. I would spend so much time thinking about what I should do that I often ended up doing none of it. Or maybe even scrolling, looking enviously at other people in the woods, and thinking wasn't it well for them to have time to do that!
It feels like, the world is still demanding almost constant productivity, or working harder, faster, always striving for something. Time spent doing something that seemingly produces noting is time wasted. I am refusing this with my whole heart. I don't want to waste one more second believeing that. I can feel how deeply conditioned I am, my body knows the truth but my mind has been taught that I must stay on the hamster wheel, every second accounted for or I am lazy or unsuccessful.
This week I went to the woods, I spent almost an hour wandering, tuned into my senses. I took in the expansive, powerful beauty of the River Boyne and all of her deep wisdom. I listened to the wind through the trees and the calls of various birds wondering what they were. I even jumped onto a swing and floated among the trees. How could I have believed that any of that was time wasted? Every cell was benefitting from how I had chosen to spend this hour. Not only that but so did everyone else that I encountered after the woods.
Who is benefitting from us believing that our value lies in productivity? Who benefits from us not spending time that yields nothing more than a calmer nervous system? Who benefits from us never taking time to be a little slower, quieter, connected to land? Who benefits from us never having space to question where and how we have been conditioned to blindly follow the status quo? I don't believe that I am, that those I love are, that the majority of humans that I share this world with are, I don't believe the land is and so I choose not to accept it for myself or anyone else
❤️