07/12/2020
Bharathi Ghanshyam- a renowed writer reached out to us at Sneha Counselling to understand more about loss during this covid pandemic. She has written out a very thoughtful article about her personal experience with loss and urges us to to spread awareness about this issue. An edited version was published in Declan Herald on 2nd December 2020- https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/panorama/coping-with-the-loss-of-covid-923090.html
Coping with loss in the times of COVID
By Bharathi Ghanshyam
In December 2019, thin whispers were going around the world of a virus (now known as COVID 19), killing people in Wuhan, a city in Hubei Province of China. By March 2020 the whispers had grown louder; the virus had moved out of China and into almost every country worldwide and WHO had declared it a pandemic.
In just a few months, at the time of writing this piece, COVID 19 has affected 55.6 million people and killed 1.34 million people (https://tinyurl.com/y288tqjs). It has also created unprecedented economic disaster, brought the world to its knees and steeped it in individual and collective grief. What has stood out however, is the astounding ability of humanity to survive in the face of death. But this story is not about COVID 19. It is about my own traumatic encounter with grief and how I dealt with it. It might hold out hope.
Just weeks before COVID 19 broke the world, my husband died suddenly of a cardiac arrest. Amidst a harsh, isolating lockdown, I was left bereft of support systems. My battle with grief did not follow the classic five stages described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and widely accepted i.e. denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Instead it was one or the other; it was none or all together. One day I felt I could take on the world and the next, I did not get out of bed. As time went on, I learnt that my feelings were not abnormal or self-indulgent.
It began with understanding grief. Dr Aravind Sheshadri, Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, with specialisation in rehabilitation and recovery, says, “Grief is a normal response to personal loss, and an exit event that is a part of life. There is no abnormal grief reaction and grief issues normally resolve their natural course in six months to a year. Grief counselling is indicated if it does not resolve naturally.”
Kannika Iyengar, Director, Sneha Society for Counselling, Bengaluru, a counsellor with 10 years of experience adds, “Grief can also be caused by job loss or difficult relationships resulting in equally intense emotional and physical distress. A counsellor can help achieve acceptance if not complete resolution. Counselling is about making the person feel heard and safe rather than giving advice or telling the person what they should or should not do.”
My own quest for help began with confusion. I did not know whether I needed a psychiatrist, psychologist or lay counsellor. A Google search threw up an array of bewildering options, mostly for counsellors, some costing ₹ 3000/- per hour. One site even advertised the top 10 counsellors in India. At another end was a clutch of voluntary organisations offering free services. It did not help that India faces a dearth of mental healthcare providers. “Number of psychiatrists in India: Baby steps forward, but a long way to go”, a paper published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry in 2019 says, “…the number of psychiatrists in India currently is about 9000. India has 0.75 Psychiatrists per 100,000 populations, while the desirable number is anything above 3 Psychiatrists.” This indicates that we are currently short of 27,000 Psychiatrists (per 100,000 population).
I struggled long and hard to find help but it can be easier. A clinical psychologist (name withheld by request) says, “People who need help fear stigma are unaware of where to go. Even a family physician can identify cases that need counselling and or medication and make a referral. This calls for good coordination between physicians, psychologists and counsellors.”
My story had a happy ending and over time I understood that death is but a moment and life is the real journey. But I’m left with the feeling that something as important as this must not be left to chance. There is an urgent need to assess our resources and compile a reliable data base of affordable and credible mental healthcare providers. It is also important to publicise it aggressively. There is little time to waste.
