03/12/2012
If you find yourself yelling at your kids much of the time, understand that it empowers your kids in a bad way, because it gives them the message that you are not in control. And if you aren’t in control, they might assume that they are the ones in charge. Both of these are fairly dangerous messages, in my opinion. It’s also important to understand that kids feel unsafe when their parents have no control.Success is feeling good about how you’ve done your job in teaching your child how to behave—and you can’t feel good about yourself if you’re screaming all the time. When chronic screaming becomes the norm, children are also apt to think it’s okay for them to scream all the time, too. You’re teaching your kids that screaming is a suitable response when you’re frustrated or overwhelmed. It doesn’t teach anything positive, just that life is out of control—and emotionally, you’re out of control.Here’s the bottom line: If you use yelling to get your kids to comply, you’re not teaching them better problem–solving behaviors. Yelling at a problem does not usually make it go away—it only makes matters worse. And if they’re screamed at all the time, your kids will learn that they never have to change their behavior, they will just take the screaming and do what they want to do. Eventually, your child will simply tune you out.