15/12/2025
MARRIAGE ACCORDING TO DRUM MASTER Looking at the chemistry of that couple—the intimacy the husband had with his children, the joy in that house despite their poverty—I couldn’t help but think, If happiness could be bought, I’d buy what they had. We never had that kind of warmth in our home. Everything about them echoed Psalm 133: “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity.” I Agreed we have all the good things which money can buy but that joy we saw at Drum Master’s house, in their poverty stricken state was something we lacked and needed in our house.
We had a tyre puncture with hubby on our way from Karoi at Mlichi. The guy came out to help us change the tyre but it began to rain heavily so that he invited us into his home.The way they interacted as a couple was such a joy to witness. The wife affectionately called him “Drum Master,” which we were told was his title at The Salvation Army, he was the one who played the drum. That day, the husband had brought her matohwe (wild loquats), and she responded by showering him with clan praises:“Oooh, that’s what Drum Master has brought! Thank you so much, my dear. What would I be without you? Maita Madyirapazhe, Chitova nedzevamwe, Maita Sambiri, Chipazhamongo…
”It was truly beautiful to watch.Then Drum Master responded with equal warmth:“What would I be without you too, Manjenjenje, ganda revasikana?”42Honestly, even when my husband bought me a car, I didn’t go all out praising him like that!Yaa, surely gratitude is a spirit. Someone who has it will be thankful even for the smallest gestures, while someone who lacks it will still sulk, even if someone robs a bank to spoil them.The family was incredibly generous. The wife cooked chicken with muboora une dovi, and it was perfectly prepared.
Drum Master and the kids played together in the kitchen hut while Madam cooked, in such a way that you could even start reflecting on your own shortcomings. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time my husband had such an intimate, playful moment with our kids. Even when we go out for a braai as a family, most of the time everyone is glued to their phones. When we go out for pizza, the kind of closeness and warmth that this family displayed is simply not there.
They talked about church, Sunday school, and the kids were joyfully reciting memory verses they would present at church the next day. It was beautiful and humbling to witness.Even a blind person could tell that the environment at that house was saturated with joy. The way the wife knelt down serving us food, the way their kids would help out washing our hands and cleaning up the place after the meal was too good to be true. You could tell that our kids were a spoilt lot because the sadza was prepared by their daughter, who we learnt was in grade 4, yet our form 3 daughter can’t be trusted to cook sadza for visitors.
I could tell that even my husband Patrick was intrigued by them because even long after the rains had ceased we stayed long as they made tea and sweet potatoes haaa chokwadi, you can be taught how life ought to be by someone has never seen the door of a classroom but has mastered the game of what life. We stayed behind while the husbands went to change the tyres. The wife was busy ironing church uniforms for the whole fami-43ly. I honestly couldn’t even remember the last time I had ironed clothes for my own family.She was so hilarious, I nearly cracked my ribs from laughing when she said, “Today is Saturday, and that’s Drum Master’s day, because we usually have business between the sheets on days that don’t start with a ‘T’.”I asked her what the logic was behind that, and she replied, “So that we’re not consumed by work and forget to be intimate.
If you know there’s a set day, you’ll prepare for it, no excuses.”Hey, what an intelligent answer!When I thought about my own bedroom life with Patrick, things felt like a drag. Sometimes we’d go for a whole week without being intimate. I made a mental note, and then it hit me: only two days in a week start with a “T”, Tuesday and Thursday. Meaning they had it a whopping five times a week! Aaah!It would probably be a non-starter for me, but when you really think about it, those women from kumusha work even harder than us who do office jobs, yet they still have all that fire in the bedroom. Meanwhile, we blame our sluggishness on so-called fatigue.They later returned, and it was time for us to leave.
Patrick gave the family $500, and they were so overwhelmed with gratitude that they almost fainted. They went out of their way to thank us, and the kids immediately started budgeting out loud. One said they needed a bicycle, another said they wanted new clothes. But as we drove off, it felt like we had been given serious homework.One thing was clear: despite all the delicacies we enjoy, the holidays we go on, the multiple cars in our garage, and the fat bank accounts, we lacked what Drum Master’s family had: a true family unit.44Even during the drive, we sat in silence, as we often use different cars, and that bond had slowly faded. Patrick, too, was never really present for the kids. Most weekends, he would be out drinking with friendsWhen I got home, I was determined to change everything I could and rekindle the flame on the prayer altar that had long grown cold. I started cooking for my husband, ironing his clothes, and even choosing his outfits for the day.
I had previously left the task of making our bed to the house help, but I changed all that and began taking my responsibilities as a wife seriously. I started serving him food from a kneeling position, something I had once sworn I would never do. We began bathing together as a way to bond, and before long, we found ourselves talking more openly and reconnecting emotionally. We also decided to start using one car to go to work, and that small change did wonders for our communication. Even our bedroom life came back to life. While we couldn’t quite manage Drum Master’s legendary five times a week, we comfortably reached three, and it made a huge difference. I came to realize that sometimes, we as women unknowingly push our husbands away through our attitudes and neglect of the small things that matter in a relationship.I banned the use of phones whenever we went out for braais or pizza, so we could focus on each other and be more present.
My daughters, who used to handle supper every day despite their school schedules, were now being relieved as we all began sharing responsibilities more intentionally. We started praying together as a family, and I could see Patrick beginning to genuinely engage with his children, something that had previously felt foreign in our home. It was also clear that he had let go of his philandering ways. There were no more secretive phone calls or moments where he’d answer a call and step outside. Weekends, which he used to spend with his friends, were now family time, and for the first time in a long while, we were truly together45I realized that many wealthy couples have money but lack intimacy. The devil had managed to steal our joy and the bond that holds marriages together. Now, we truly enjoy each other’s company. I especially love when Patrick talks with our eldest daughter, who is at university, about finding a husband she loves and warns her about the tricks that some boys play. We now attend church together as a family since Patrick gave his life to Christ. We often call Ana Drum Master, and we plan to go on holiday with them to Victoria Falls, as they taught us what marriage should be. Our marital joy was restored by the Lord. The devil never rests when he sees you enjoying your marriage and family, even when you have money. Glory to God, my marriage was restored.
