11/12/2025
Yesterday I was discussing Older Adults and Old Age on Popolin
I believe that growing old well doesn’t just happen suddenly in our sixties or seventies. It's the culmination of all the experiences we've had throughout the years. If you analyse human development studies over the long term, the same message comes through repeatedly: old age is about the investments we make over the lifespan. In relationships, in physical health, in emotional growth, and in financial security.
Relationships are the top predictor of our age. The quality of our old age is often tied to whether we nurtured friendships, addressed conflict, remained attached to family, and accepted that we were part of a community. Loneliness in old age rarely comes as a surprise. Years of emotional distance, unresolved tension, or deferring some connection often lead to loneliness. People who continually invest in others develop a form of relational capital that protects them emotionally and physically as they age. Increased social ties are, in fact, linked with lower mortality, slower cognitive decline, lower depression, and better recovery from illness.
The same logic applies to physical health. The body that emerges in old age is shaped by life over decades. Over time, small reliable forms of habits such as movement, a favourable sleep schedule, a favourable diet, and lowering levels of alcohol accumulate and have significant roles in determining future health outcomes. Behaviour has a modifying effect, even if genetic predispositions are present. We aren’t able to control the course of every illness or accident, but the majority of the health we experience in our seventies and eighties is a result of decisions we make in our thirties, forties and fifties.
Well-being over a lifetime also develops emotional and psychological health in these age spans. How we regulate our emotions, how we cope with stress, how we repair relationships, and how we make meaning out of difficulty determine our resilience later. Mature coping strategies do not occur in our lives with age. They are developed and honed: they are done well. They are practised and grown over time. If people continue to mature in the realm of emotion, they respond to loss more stably, change more fluidly and flexibly, and make space for purpose even in old age.
Financial stability may feel more practical than psychological but is deeply linked to wellbeing. Economic security helps reduce chronic stress, encourages people’s access to healthcare, and fosters social and physical engagement. Not everyone begins with the same financial trajectories; structural inequality and life events shape financial paths. And yet, long-term planning and good financial decisions with a sense of responsibility add value to independence and stability in later life.
In recognition of all of this, the fact must be borne in mind that ageing is, of course, not entirely down to the individual’s control, as it is also to accept that not all ageing is of a personal nature. Genetics, trauma, socioeconomic conditions, sudden illnesses, and sheer chance shape the evolution of our lives. Some individuals age well despite profound hardship, whereas others face significant barriers despite doing everything in their power. Old age is not a measure of morality.
But most of the time, it is a harvest. All the seeds we plant in our actions, habits, and relationships accumulate. Emotional neglect, physical disregard, and relational disconnection eventually manifest their effects. Similarly, kindness, discipline, learning, and connection form something of a resilience.
There’s another aspect we also overlook so far in the West, and yet, it profoundly shapes our experience of ageing: our relationship with death. Death is almost always perceived as an intrusion in Western culture, rather than as a normal part of life. We medicalise it, we conceal it, and we tend to keep it in the background until our bodies can’t ignore it. This avoidance instils fear; ageing becomes a threat and not a stage of life that has its own meanings and potentialities. On the other hand, cultures that integrate death into daily discourse are associated with healthier psychological adjustment in old age. Acceptance of mortality is associated with lower anxiety, better end-of-life planning, richer relationships, and greater appreciation of daily life. Confronting death earlier and more openly often leads to a more intentional life.
Ageing well is therefore not only a matter of nourishing our bodies or earning a living but also enriching who we know and what we have made of our lives. It’s also about getting ready for the entire arc of life, including its end. Doing so can turn old age not into fear but into integration, dignity and peace.
None of us can control everything, but we can take ownership of what we do have: how we take care of our bodies, how we show up for others, how we use our resources, how we emotionally thrive and how we relate to the fact that life is finite. These investments offer us the strongest opportunity to age in strength, connection, clarity and significance.
