The Changing Room

08/05/2025

There is so much happening all the time.
A terrible event could make this the worst day of your life, and across town, someone is getting that big promotion they’ve been trying for, and having the absolute best day of theirs.
Both things are happening and both are true.
It’s always like this.

It is also true that humans are wired with a “negativity bias”, essentially a survival instinct, a throwback to the days when there was a very real possibility of ending up a tiger’s lunch. Back then it was good to be suspicious of what’s around every corner, so this bias for negativity is totally logical, but we don’t need it as much as we used to either.

We have to realize that good things are happening too, and because we’re wired toward negativity, we have to consciously take the reins and remind ourselves to look for the good.

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re a Negative Nancy; this world does absolutely suck in many ways. I’m not here to try and change your mind. But, being so negative also causes loads of undue stress and sadness, for no one but you. While this world does have supremely awful points, it’s also quite magical. And we have to always remember that part. We have to actively seek the magic or we miss it.

I don’t see this as any different than stretching tired muscles, or putting the fork down when you’re full. It’s totally natural to do those things, you have been sent signals that the pendulum has swung far enough a certain way, so you take action to bring balance.

If you’re having a bad day and everything is upsetting to you, it’s probably a good time to listen for birdsong. Or give someone a compliment. If you have too much to do today, it’s a perfect day to find a park bench and sit down. Treat yourself to lunch. Go for a walk, feel how your feet feel on the ground.

Stretch that irritation into adoration.
I dare you.

This is why I write one good thing that happened each day on a piece of paper. Because I have to actually do the exercise of reviewing the totality of the day, all the moments, and looking for the good. I literally ask “What good thing happened today? What can I write down?” and I feel like it’s caused a huge shift in how I move through each day. I look for and acknowledge the good.

Because there is just so much happening all the time.
And it’s always, always like this.

28/12/2024

Read time: 6 minutes How do you typically like to start a new year? For many people, the holidays bring more calories and less structure than we’re used to, and by January we’re ready for a change from all that change. This has been the case with me for a very long time. I thrive on routine, and one of my superpowers is the ability to make new habits, break old ones, and train myself in effective ways....

Transform 75 Hard into a sustainable personal growth journey with 75 Strong. Build lasting habits without sacrificing mental wellbeing.

21/12/2024

⏱️ Reading Time: 5 minutes 📌 Quick Takeaways: Feelings of joy trigger the release of mood-balancing “happy hormones” Personal happiness practices can be used anytime for a pick me up A strong community significantly boosts well being Regular joy practices can improve physical health markers How often would you say that you think about your happiness level… the degree to which you experience joy on a regular basis?...

The connection between joy and physical health is clear and scientifically validated. Actively cultivate happiness for better well being.

21/11/2024

Have you ever looked at someone who seems to have it all together and wondered, "How do they do it?" The truth is, we're all works in progress, shaped by the countless small decisions we make each day. Our habits—those automatic behaviors that make up roughly 40% of our daily actions—define who we are and who we'll become. But here's the good news: you can consciously reshape these habits....

Discover habit stacking, a simple method to build better habits by leveraging existing ones. Make lasting change, one small step at a time.

14/06/2024

🐶💤🌤🌴🧘‍♀️

06/06/2024

Don't be overly concerned about how you look in the eyes of others. People will pretty much see you as they will. Play your part in the cosmic drama, but never forget, baby, that you choose the way you see yourself. Don't let others do the casting.

- The Afterlife of Billy Fingers

18/05/2024

I want to say something about making fun of people's bodies and the way they look. It's a cheap shot, and it's a weapon that's straight out of the Patriarchy Playbook, and it's particularly ugly when women do it to other women.

I am no fan of MTG, but to point and laugh at her "bleach blond badly built butch body" is to perpetuate the idea that she needs to be cute and fit for everyone's consumption. She does not. She needs to be a decent human being. Which she also is not. We can focus on what a total piece of trash she is without bringing our own damaging conditioning into play.

There is never a reason to comment on another person's body, ever. We all carry so much baggage around how we look, women and men, and the way to stop it is to just stop it. Stop perpetuating the notion that anyone needs to meet some kind of beauty standard in order to be acceptable. It's not true. Stop taking cheap, intellectually lazy shots at people just because you don't feel right in your own skinsuit. Please see this for what it is and do better, so we can all move on from here.

✌+ ❤️ + Happy Saturday

14/05/2024

All over Valladolid, and Merida, and probably other places too, are these fun two person conversation chairs. I really wanted a memento of them apart from photos, and I looked high and low to no avail. I thought for sure someone would have fridge magnets, my favorite holiday takeaway, but no. I finally found this sticker and got entirely too excited about it. Probably scared the lady a bit. But look! It's the chair!

I asked her what the chair is called, and she gave me the same answer that everyone had given me on this tchotchke quest: silla para noviendo (chair for kissing/making out). That must be one name it goes by because everyone called it that, but I knew there was another name for it because the woman who owns the AirBnB I stayed in before the house sit has one in the front yard.

At the end of April before I left for Puerto Morelos, I mentioned it to the woman I house sat for, and she remembered the name... it's called a silla confidente.

And now it's something you know too. *boop*

🤵‍♂️👸👯‍♀️👨‍❤️‍👨🪑🪑

03/05/2024

Let's do lunch.

27/04/2024

Notes from the road. 💕🐶↗️🍽🚌

As my time in Valladolid draws to a close, my thoughts turn toward what’s next for me… a week in Puerto Morelos… and what’s next for my dog friends: their mama will be home soon.

20/04/2024

Along with me on this trip I have a little pouch of "things" that I carry with me. I don't ever take them out and arrange them like this, but the other day a friend commented that it made her happy that a trinket from her had made the very tight cut.

In this photo are some of my favorite things in this world, for a variety of reasons. Touchstones. Some represent ideas. Others, lessons. Some of them are mementos from far-off trips, and some from day trips.

All are irreplaceable but I carry them with me anyway.

Right before I moved to Mexico, I sent two boxes of personal items via UPS. One box didn't make it at all, and that was the one filled to the brim with things I particularly loved... my hand made one-of-a-kind bottle stopper from Venice. From the Athens market near the Acropolis, a small statue of Athena on her chariot, her trusty owl by her side. Custom insoles for running. My favorite sweater. Just, things. My things. Not the most valuable ones, but the most loved... my most used things. My particular creature comforts.

Everything in that box meant something to me.

And if you told me before those boxes left my sight in the UPS office, that I would never see most of that stuff again, if I'm being honest, I might have called the whole thing off. I might have changed the entire course of my life for a bottle stopper. And, if I'm being honest, if you could ask that version of me now if I was happy with that decision, to not move to Mexico and to keep my stuff instead, I bet I would yes. To some degree, these things were me. And I would never have known what was out here waiting for me.

Because obviously we can't know what will happen, and I think, though it's sometimes awful, it's best that way. That's what gives life its magic. Because 9+ years on, of course I'm glad things happened the way they did. I'm not glad I lost my stuff, but the bigger picture is so much bigger.

All that said, having little touchstones from your life is pretty nice. Regardless of what happens, I'm glad these special things are here with me, my creature comforts.

07/04/2024

Read my latest from the road, and sign up for weekly updates:

Traveling often brings with it an unexpected surprise or two, and this trip has so far been no different. But two great things about travel are that it teaches us what we can withstand in terms of adversity, and it’s always well understood that this will come to an end, in the relative near future...