14/08/2024
I once told you here that as a lady, if you are from a poor background or you don't have supportive parents, your priority shouldn't be Marriage. You should try to empower yourself financially in the best or little way you can.
If you cannot get a good education, try and acquire good skills or learn a trade.
Because if you enter a marriage with nothing, and if you unfortunately married the wrong man, your problems will be doubled.
Whenever I write certain things here, I write out of experiences of things I have seen and still see everyday.
You don't have any skills at all, you didn't go to school, neither did you learn a trade. You just got up and dived into Marriage as your poverty alleviation programme. Why will a man not see you finish?
You depend on him for everything and when you have issues with some of them, they'll cut off whatever they are giving you. Because they are the ones sustaining you financially, you have no say in the Marriage and they can take any decisions at anytime and you can't do anything.
Even when you are going through the most inhumane treatment in the Marriage, you won't be able to take any actions because you lack the financial capacity to do so.
Some cases that I see are often so heartbreaking. I tell you this so that those of you who want to learn can learn.
I have a case now of a woman, an only child and her parents are late already. The man beats her as if there's no tomorrow. He even boasts that nobody can rescue her. That he can eliminate her and nothing will happen. She's not allowed to use a phone, not allowed to work anywhere, nor do business or even attend a church. People who know them still wonder why she's still alive with the kind of beatings she receives everyday.
Unfortunately, she has filled up everywhere with children. It was her neighbour who follows me here that contacted me and we're closing in on him now because he hurriedly packed out of where they lived when he got the info that we want to use law enforcement agencies on him.
This is not my first time of seeing this. I've seen many women like her.
Once you're struggling as a young lady, some of these devilish men will appear like your messiah and you'll marry them and become a permanent slave.
I've met some of them who would tell me that their parents are late and they don't have anyone, the man was assisting them financially, that's why they agreed to marry him.
Please Marriage should not be your biggest problem at that point. At least you can learn a skill. They are many people who are willing to teach you useful skills for free. You'll work for them or elsewhere after learning and raise money to start yours. My wife has done it to several young women and many of them are very okay today. All you need is just to have a good character.
Digital skills that can be acquired for free on various platforms online now are many, once you are not lazy.
Stop feeling helpless and take your destiny into your hands. Don't let any selfish man take advantage of your situation. There are many people like you who have gone ahead to become very successful in life, their circumstances notwithstanding.
Being the only child, being an orphan, having unsupportive parents and so forth should even be the more reason why you should be more careful and avoid marrying wrongly because you don't have anyone who can fight for you. Such terrible men sure know how to pick their victims. Avoid them.
Make efforts to succeed on your own. Yes, they will tell me that it's not easy, ofcourse I know, but is selling yourself into perpetual slavery in the name of marriage easier?
A. Okoroafor
