Shamseddin Giwa

03/12/2025

There is no justification for engaging in extramarital affairs but if you consistently denied him s*x then that’s not the best way to handle issues on your side.

You didn’t state how he treated you specifically but how you reacted to it has played a part in where we are at today.

A man should not have an extramarital affair but let’s not pretend having a wife who is steadily denying you s*x will not encourage it.

That said, I’m not sure whether you consider the lady a riffraff because she’s a single mother or because she had an affair with your husband or because you feel she’s not up to your class but in truth, if he picked her despite having you, it may be a reason to introspect.

03/12/2025

This will hit you differently. You will experience a cocktail of emotions ranging from confusion to amazement to sadness to anger to pity and maybe even depression.

You are human and it is normal for you to be affected this way.

The first thing you want to ensure is that you verify your sources or evidences. Step back, allow yourself to calm down then process it again.

When you are sure, present it to him and ask him to tell you what’s been going on. His response can be of denial, anger, silence, justification, all of the above or even more.

His response will define what you do next; for example if he chooses anger, you step back and get space from him, as against listening attentively if he answers you openly.

It may be something he is struggling to break off and needs help with. Please note, as shocking as this would be to you, things need to be addressed in the right order.

The act you have allegedly caught him in comes first. When that is sorted, we can now look at whatever is left of the marriage.

Note: As crazy as it may sound, I have handled different similar cases and some of them made it through. Yes, each case is unique but take it one step at a time.

Also, you need emotional support through this and you want to be sure it’s from a ‘safe’ space. It will be a time of vulnerability where many make mistakes. You don’t need this additional layer.

Finally; if this is true, know that your husband is one half of the affair and the other person will pull him too. If anyone is to help him, this pull and influence will need to be broken. Blackmail and threats are a common tool used to keep people in such affairs especially where influential people are involved. You cannot rule out relocation elsewhere.

I wish you strength.

03/12/2025

Discovering your spouse is having an affair will sting and it can be very tempting to pick the number up, call the person and unleash your anger.

But what will that do? Yes, there’d be exceptions where she doesn’t know but more times than not, she’d be fully aware and yet be doing it so again, what really will your call do?

Don’t assume your anger will make you have the last say. If you go up against a fighter, you may be on the receiving end of some very hurtful words.

I have handled some very serious cases where wives came for therapy because they were insulted with very clear descriptions of their private parts or even fertility conditions.

It stings to discover infidelity, yes. But, please, don’t call anyone other than your spouse with whom you have a case to settle.

Many of these ladies have been empowered by your spouse and they won’t hesitate to have a go at you.

Please slow down.

This is not asking you to ignore the case of infidelity, you are already the victim, don’t use an approach that hurts you the more.

03/12/2025

The question is why you have continued to remain.

This is he situation with many women out there.

Hear me on this: A man that knows he’d get away with treating you anyhow as a wife, will continue to do so.

03/12/2025

03/12/2025

Will you forgive a husband you find in an extramarital affair?

Will your husband forgive you if you were the one found in an affair?

Explain your answer

03/12/2025

When you expect a wife to keep apologising to you even you are wrong, it is not "being the head of the home", it is being abusive.

Many wives today have been pummeled into physical and psychological abuse to the point they believe it is their duty to apologise even for being correct. They have been sold the narrative that it is always the work of the wife to make it work by apologising to her husband no matter what.

Marriage has also been painted as the ultimate so they'd do whatever they can to protect what they have, even if it means being in daily abuse.

Gender doesn't define who is wrong or who needs to apologise, actions do. If you have been wronged, you should not have to apologise "peace to reign" because in truth, that is not peace.

Nobody is born to be correct everytime, sometimes you'd be wrong in marriage. Apologising takes nothing away from you. If anything, it strengthens your position, making your marriage healthier.

But no, many have an overload of ego so for occupying the position of husband, they can never be wrong culturally and even religiously. For others, it's because they grew up seeing mothers swallow abuse because they couldn't afford to leave, they believe it is how it should be.

This, we need to change.

03/12/2025

Good morning Mr Giwa.

What do you do having tried all possible means of spicing your s*xual relationship with your partner but no positive response. Her response for no s*xual activities according to her is because finances are not going good. We still try to sort bills and all. In that one year, our s*xual activity is just 5 times. No cheating, at all. I appreciate all her contributions and trying to get back on my feet financially. My wife couldn't even say I love you let alone hug or show any form of love. I have accepted my fate because I am now sounding like a broken record.

I lost my job 2 years ago and yet to get another one. The savings finished about a year ago and she's been doing about 80% of our expenditure and I try my best to support.

Apart from that, I do took over the kitchen and getting groceries 100% to ease my wife's household chores including laundry. All 100%.

I have decided not to talk about s*x again since 4 months ago.

You can publish this for people's advice.

I am not thinking of cheating because I love my wife and children. Her attitude has given me so much mental troubles as I can't even play or say anything without her picking up fights.

As an extrovert, I have gone into my shell.

I have prayed and tried all I could, at this junction, I'm thinking maybe I am not thinking straight for expecting s*xual acts with my spouse in the midst of financial strain.
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I’m sorry you are going through this but brother, she is exhausted.
Most women don’t go into marriage thinking they’d carry 80% of responsibilities so when it happens, it drains them and s*x suffers. Attraction will follow and then respect until the marriage breaks.

It’s good to pray but at this point, getting a source of income is paramount. Don’t think only white collar, think using any skill you have, driving, marketing, physical labour, anything. That will ease her stress. From that you can rebuild the system stronger. While at it, be patient with her, reassure her and carry her along on your efforts; it will soften her heart and remind her you are trying your best.

You are not weird for demanding s*x, You just need to understand this phase of your marriage.

03/12/2025

More times than not, when marriages breakdown, the woman is left with the children so while for many single father's, it's easy to move on, the woman gets an extra layer of parenting to navigate alone.

This means that when you find a single mother you desire, you need to understand that her child(ren) will always come first. You also need to understand that many hold in the issues from the past because they had to hit the ground running and never really got the space to heal and deal with the hurt.

Yes, you deserve the best but something made you find her worthy of approach to begin with. If she's truly worth it, give her time and be extra patient with her. You may be her first window to heal and grow from the past.

02/12/2025

When last did you kiss her?

No, not the side chick, I’m asking about the wife.

Today, yesterday, last week, last year, never?
Oh, it’s not about kissing yeah?

“It doesn’t matter” you say but brother, if it is something your wife desires then it matters. Oh sorry, I forgot to ask if the wife matters.

Yet, given all the excuses, you are the one in chat messages, found to be offering head to a random girl. The same you that says kissing is disgusting?!!!!

Now, this is specifically about kissing and head but it could also be about other things.

Your wife is begging for money to buy food in the house, food that you’d eat the best portions of. Yet, the same you that gets cranky and sometimes abusive the times you manage to give her, is the same one offering to buy unsolicited luxuries to a side chick.

“Let me take you to Dubai” has not dropped money at home for feeding.

How you treat your wife says a lot about who you really are.

If this message makes you feel uncomfortable, please introspect and ask yourself why. If you find yourself guilty, please do better and begin immediately.

It would be a shame to lose a good wife and destroy your home for this.

02/12/2025

A side chick already knows what your deal is, she already knows and accepts that there’s someone else that comes first.

The case is even deeper when the side chick is a married woman. The loyalty often displayed here goes to crazy levels.

It is common to find men making calls to side chicks on speaker phone, warning them. The wife listening is convinced there’s been a break up but the man knows the side chick understands and will play along because they believe they share a bond that nobody gets.

She can agree to even birth children, elope, do crazy stuff, even defend your wife against other would be chicks….the irony!

A married side chick is okay not being the main woman, she is also married and only needs you part time.

A side chick will fund you, get gifts for your wife and children and not be bothered.

They can be very difficult to ward off because the stealth mode that cheating men want is perfect for them.

It’s there today in many seemingly innocent relationships; Bosses, subordinates, contractors, family friends, account officers,
Realtors, work colleagues etc.

Usually in relationships that defy logic, it is the hidden and often forbidden nature of it that gives it that extra thrill. It’s why you can see a man with a side chick and wonder why, because she may not even be his traditional spec. This is what makes it even more difficult to break because the relationship isn’t based on things you even understand.

Many homes are strained today because these relationships have shadowed the marriages for years and never gone away.

It gets you wondering why a person, especially where married, would agree to be this for another man she cannot fully have.

The answer is in the amount of emotional damage many have gone through in life and in their own actual marriages which have really destroyed any sense of worth left so whatever little bit they get in the relationship feels too good to be true and they are contended with it, would even be humiliated for it.

All the above fitting right into the infidelity agenda, until eventually, they develop emotions too strong, too demanding….and the battle begins with another wife.

02/12/2025

I do have serious issues in my marriage. I have been married for 8 years now. I am always having these challenges with my husband having side chicks everywhere. Not one, not two or 3. Sometimes, he can have dealings with more than 6 women serially. He is a serial cheat. I have spoken to him severally to change but he kept promising and refused to change. There is this particular lady that has refused to let go even when I confronted her. She has challenged me severally never to leave my husband alone. My husband keeps abandoning me to go be with this woman. He has continually sponsored her trip to dubai and I have begged him severally to allow me travel. When he finally agreed, he refused to give me his bank statement and I got denied visa to uk because of the huge deposit in my account.

She has caused so much havoc already in my marriage. She has even gone as far as approaching my inlaws on Facebook and even physically.

This stupid lady sends her n**e pictures to my husband at will

Not just her
Other women too have sent him n**e pictires too
Abortion? Oh those women kept aborting for him.

Most times when caught, he is remorseful And promises to change But would go back immediately
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Marriage is a place of respect and where there is none, the actions of a one will continuously put the other in shame and ridicule.

You have spoken to him severally but there isn’t enough of an incentive for him to listen or hear you. Even where he does, is there capacity to break from this mindset and habit of philandering? Unlikely.

Don’t descend to the point of going after any of these ladies as it only reduces you more, it is also risky given their own level of desperation.

Your husband put you in this position but the question is this, what’s your own limit? You need to define where to say “enough”.

If he’s doing 6 ladies at a time and it’s still okay to stay, what about the health risks involved?

Your husband is treating you how you’ve shown him to. He knows there won’t be any serious consequence that’s why he’s doing it.

Define your demands to him but what will you do if he doesn’t listen? Can you walk?

If he knows he will lose his marriage to this, will he stop? If yes, then show him he’d lose you. If no, he doesn’t care about it anyway.

There’s a lot for him to do but it begins with you defining what you will not take.