http://www.sextalkwithdrm.com.ng/

Sextalkwithdrm, Lagos (2026)

04/09/2020

I help women overcome vaginismus.
That is, I coach them till they're able to achieve pe*******on with ease and without pain.

This is one very deep part of my job on here because there are so many emotions that come with finally wanting to have penetrative s*x and not being able to.

The one thing that people expect you to be able to do, eluding you and taking weeks and months to happen.

For every woman I've coached, the experience is different. The timeline is different and to be honest, I'm different too.
But one thing remains the same. Compassion and support.
Because I know it'll eventually happen. But I want my ladies to grow from the experience.

And I'm usually so proud every single time.

Preventing vaginismus is also one other thing I'm passionate about. And that's why the first course I ever created was, "The Wedding night guide for the smart Bride-to-be".
In that course I go through everything a woman needs to know to help her ease into her first time.
I currently started offering it as a 1:1 during the pandemic.
But I hope to resume it as a group class again soon.

So yeah! I wanted to share this...first as a form of awareness about Vaginismus and secondly to just share our joy with you.

Enjoy your weekend...
Love, Dr M♥️ @ Lagos, Nigeria

17/08/2020

Often when I come across threads about cheating in relationships, I find that people always want to question whether the couples were having enough s*x or whether the women dressed s*xy enough.

But, the decision to be faithful is a choice and it is enforced by self-discipline and respect for yourself and your partner.
So in that mix, s*x is really just "by the way".

Think of s*x like a catalyst.
If your relationship is healthy, then s*x makes it better and
if its toxic, s*x makes the dynamics even more toxic.

We are socialised to believe that if the s*x is good that everything else will fall into place.
But this is so far from the truth.
At best, you just form an unhealthy attachment to that person because of the s*x.

It is important to develop healthy habits generally for your relationships.
Develop love and respect for yourself, learn how to communicate well and be able to call yourself out when you are slacking.
And develop healthy love, intimacy and communication practices with your partner.

It's also important to note that sometimes the problem is that the s*x is off.
And in which case I would advice that you seek help in figuring out how to make it better for you.

Just as the emotional health of your relationship can get better, the s*xual health can get better too.

The relationship has to work for the s*x to be good. And when the s*x is good, the relationship gets better too. It's like a fun cycle that charges itself.

So you really want to be investing in the different parts that keep your relationship healthy.

Love, Dr M❤

12/08/2020

Just because you cant see emotional scars doesnt mean they dont exist.
You can cover physical wounds and scars, but you emotional scars cant be masked. You live with them.

I observe and lead discussions on abuse in many settings and a common thread I find is that people trivialise emotional abuse.

People complain about these very serious atrocities committed against them making them almost lose their minds and somehow people end up saying, "But, did they beat you?"

I'm going to say it again, you dont have to wait to be hit to validate your abuse.
Being emotionally abused is equally dangerous.
And if you dont understand what emotional abuse is, I made a series of posts some weeks ago so you can go back on my profile to read them.

I'll put them on the highlights section of my profile for you to find easily and read 👉*xtalkwithdrm

Its important that we constantly have these discussions with the people around us, because people truly dont know that it is happening till many months and years have passed.
We need to create awareness for this silent menace.

Enjoy your day...
Love, Dr M♥️

11/08/2020

This right here is why people cant make the decision to stay or leave unhealthy relationships.

You keep waiting for the one thing that will happen, the straw that will break the camel's back, the totally unacceptable thing they will do to make you see that it's not worth it.

Let me be the one to tell you that one sign will never be enough for you.
It's why people collect red flags as if they want to use the material for a red evening dress/suit.

It's how you see/read stories of physical abuse, emotional abuse, disrespect, financial abuse happening to one person and you think to yourself, "What would it take for this person to see that all the signs have happened?"

You've been hit, pushed, called names, they're cheating, they dont respect you, the only time they're good is when they're begging you for something but you are still looking for this big sign.

You dont realise that there are no little signs.

We were having a similar conversation in my stories yesterday (you can join us before it disappears) and while preparing for this post, I decided that I'm going to host a free webinar talking about it this month.
I'm going to call it,

"Stop waiting for a Sign, Decide!"

And in this webinar, I'm going to be giving you the exact steps to use in deciding whether a relationship is worth staying in or whether its time to leave.
With these steps, you wont need to be waiting for any signs because you will know very clearly.

And you'll be able to apply these steps to any relationship (romantic, friendships and work).

I'm going to be sending the full information on the webinar to the so if you havent joined the gang, click on the link in my bio to join us.
And if you have a friend you know might need this, tag them so they can join us too.

From personal experiences I know why it is easier to want to wait for a sign. It's also why I know it's not worth it.

You need to consciously make that choice. And I hope this and the webinar gives you the courage.

Enjoy your day...
Love, Dr M♥️

P.s Did I mention that the webinar is free and you can invite as many people as you would like?
Click the link in my bio to join the now😁

10/08/2020

I think it's ironic that I'm starting the week talking about endings. But, it is appropriate.

We tend to want to hold on to things because we had such high hopes for them in the beginning.
But it's okay to end things when you see that it's no longer working for you.
When you know you have tried your best and ending is the better option.

It may come with sadness, fear, anxiety or even confusion and it's okay to feel these things. Feeling them will eventually help you get clarity.

Just know that;
The end of things doesn't have to mean the end of you.
You have all this life to live and its waiting for you when you are ready.

Enjoy your week...
Love, Dr M♥️ @ Lagos, Nigeria

08/08/2020

One of the last things I thought about before bed last night is how important love and connection is.

I often get clients on my one-on-one coaching slots talking about how they are really in a good place in their lives, but cant help but feel like there is a void. Like they need a form of companionship.

When they say this, I think they expect me to say it's wrong. But on the contrary, I think it's good thing. In most cases it means a lot of your very basic needs are being met and you are ready for more.

Feeling safe in someone's presence and knowing you are accepted fully for being you is beautiful.

There will always be a place for connection with another person.
But we often obsess about this connection coming from romantic partners or we expect all the load of our care and comfort to be the responsibility of these other people.

You have to know that these connections are very possible in many kinds of relationships.
So, a good friend, a close relative, a co worker, a chance meeting with someone who understands you, even a pet...these are places that can be safe for expression.

And the beauty of this is that, the more you can see yourself as your primary focus of connection, the more of you will be able to authentically connect with others.

This is also why you cant afford to have people who you dont trust or feel safe around being with you all the time. Because every time you spend with them denies you of time spent in healthy connection with yourself and others.

So the choice of who to connect with matters just as much as the need connection itself.

So let your craving fill you with joy and gratitude that you have space to do and be much more.

Alright?

Enjoy your weekend...
Love, Dr M♥️

06/08/2020

I see this happen quite a lot in romantic relationships, friendships, families, work places etc.
These situations where something is really bothering someone but they just always seem to talk themselves out of the hard conversations.

I find that its not like people cant have these conversations, but there are many blocks that people have to it.
So, it can be that;
• You tell yourself that you dont want to make a big deal of the issue.
• You are not sure about how they'd take the conversation so you dont want to "cause fight".
• You dont want to be misunderstood so you'd rather not start the conversation.
• You are not sure you can balance out the conversation, so you swallow it.
• You've had it before and it didnt go well.

All of these are very valid reasons because to be honest, finding the right words to Express our displeasure can be challenging.

But, Its a challenge we need to confront head on.
Because when we dont, what ends up happening is an accumulation of these thoughts and issues and
• You slowly start to build up resentment.
• You may also start to find out you are pulling away from such a person.
• You start to develop a smaller tolerance level towards them leading to more disagreements.
• You start to expect that they should notice something is wrong and approach you.
• You eventually conclude they arent good enough for you and you let them go.
• When you cant let them go, you tell yourself, you'll put them in their place.

Slowly but surely, your "I'm okay", "it's nothing", "I'm tired" will become "you dont take me seriously", "You arent talking to me", "you always do this", "you never listen to me".

But difficult conversations can be just what your relationship needs to move to the next level of intimacy.
For you to approach the conversation with vulnerability and curiosity and really say what you mean.

I guide you through this with my book, "How Can I communicate better?"

Get the book through the link in my bio *xtalkwithdrm

Also, if you have any specific conversations you need help navigating, I can help you make the conversation happen with ease.
Send me a DM and let's schedule your session.

Enjoy your day...
Love, Dr M♥️ @ Lagos, Nigeria

05/08/2020

Women are never really taught independence or autonomy across many cultures.
And so, what had to result from that over time was a Fear of dependence.
The need to own things so as not to end up like the women before you.

But the truth is, it was never really about the money or the things you own.
Many women with money and possessions still arent as free as they thought they'd be after it.
So it has never been about the material things, but it's the mindset. The inherent knowing.

It's about the inherent knowledge that you are worthy of doing the things that are beautiful in life because you want to and because you can.

That freedom is of the mind.

And you dont need anyone's permission, not even money's permission to be treated with respect and to be loved.

That even if you have nothing material, you still deserve to be treated well and with respect.

You need to know that your very existence on earth is a testament to the fact that you are free to get all you want...just because.

That you always have a choice.

Money and Property cant give you this knowing.

So today, I want you to reaallyyy look at how you live your life, your choices, the things you say and do.

Are you doing them because you know you are free to do them?
Or because you feel you need to prove something to people?

I want you to know that you are free and deserving.
And you should own things because you want to. Not because you have to.
The vibe is totally different.

Your are free my love...FREE.
Love, Dr M♥️

04/08/2020

I believe this is one of the statements I've made the most as a S*x Coach.
And I spend a lot of time explaining and convincing people that non penetrative s*xual activities are also real s*x.

For most women, your most pleasurable s*xual experiences will involve a lot of non penetrative s*x.
Outercourse gets your creativity flowing. You can think of many other ways to use other erogenous zones of your body and maximize pleasure and or***ms before any kind of pe*******on occurs. You can also use them to accentuate penetrative s*x.

But I find that women and men often diminish the pleasure and connection they get from these activities.

Pe*******on is not the only way to get your pleasure on...its just one of the many ways.

Kissing, erotic massage, ge***al stimulation hand or other parts if the body, dry hu***ng (grinding), talking about your fantasies, oral s*x, use of s*x toys etc.
Are also very valid ways of experiencing wild s*xual pleasure.

But, limiting yourself to just that will lead to a lot of pressure and mechanical s*xual activity.

This becomes especially important when I work with couples who cant have penetrative s*x e.g Women with vaginismus or vulvodynia, men on diabetes medications or any form of medication that affects the ge***als.

If penetrative s*x is the "real" s*x, will this then mean there'll be no pleasure and connection?
Or the pleasure and or***ms you get in non penetrative s*x is fake?

I'll leave you with one of my thoughts on this.

Statistics show that only 25% of women will or**sm from penetrative s*x alone.

What will happen to the remaining 75% of women if they or their partners believe that non penetrative s*x isn't real or good enough?

Fink about it...
Love, Dr M♥️

03/08/2020

We are often told that we should endure, persevere and wait for time to heal our wounds.
Wound healing is a biologically dynamic process where your body actively works to make things better. You dont see it, but its working really hard.

You shouldn't endure and wait with abuse, pain, disrespect.
Time wont change that.
It will only get worse, your self esteem and sense of self will only sink deeper into the sand.
Time alone cant make it better.

Sometimes, you have to be able to tell yourself that you have tried and move on with grace.
So that you can heal.
And you'll realise that time wasnt what you needed.

Okay?

Yesterday was the graduation class for the ladies who joined the Thrive Single, Rock it Partnered study group.
A group I designed to help women find and fall in love with themselves and also know how to choose and maintain healthy relationships.

One of the ladies asked a question that inspired this post.

I'm so happy about the success of the group and I'll be sharing the amazing highlights of the last 4weeks with you in a few days.

But for now, we celebrate our wins because the ladies put in the work and I am so proud of the healing and growth that happened in these past few weeks.

Enjoy your week,
Love, Dr M♥️

23/07/2020

One of the things people hope to do a lot of when they get married is have s*x.
And, for a long time in*******se has been the "main thing" (which it really isn't)
So what happens if your body won't let you do the "main thing"?

For more than a year now I've been helping women overcome painful and near impossible pe*******on (vaginismus).
Its important to me that s*x is painless and pleasurable for women, but vaginismus can be a real challenge for some women.

So when I receive feedback like this from my clients, it warms my heart because I understand the journey to get here.

The struggle with pain, disappointment and self doubt when the va**na just cant seem to want to do thing its "meant to do" for weeks or months.
And the gradual process of it finally relaxing and allowing pe*******on to happen easily and without pain.

The feeling never gets old for me.

This chat was one of such moments and I just had to share it with you.

She has been doing va**na training for some weeks now using the silicone dilators (swipe left) and we've been making steady progress.

Can you tell that we were both excited?😊

I've said it before, I'll again...
You dont have to endure painful s*x.

Send me a DM to book a consultation or Get the dilators.

Enjoy your day...
Love, Dr M♥️ @ Lagos, Nigeria

20/07/2020

I saw an ad on YouTube that was meant to teach men how to make the woman they are infatuated with, infatuated with them.
Am I a man? No
Am I curious to know what people are teaching men? DEFINITELY!

So I followed the link to learn this technique.

This person went ahead to talk about how women dont like to be sure in a relationship and how if the man acts distant then the woman would have no other choice than to chase him and her mind would be occupied with him.

He also defined the moment you know you are in love as the moment you cant stop thinking and talking about a person.

Did I mention how there was an agreement form that you shouldn't use the golden method to manipulate people?

And in my mind, I'm like how do you teach manipulation and tell people to use it in a good way?

Why do you want to build a relationship on infatuation, obsession, doubt and insecurity?

Why are we being told that controlling people and their minds to do our bidding is love?

Why are we romanticising codependency and emotional immaturity in relationships?

I dont know who is reading, but!

You are better off showing up as your most sincere and honest self.
Know what you want and ask for it upfront.
No games, manipulation, techniques or drama.
You wont be able to keep up the deceit for long anyway.
And you deserve to be fully seen and appreciated for who you are.
You are not for everybody and it's okay.
Soon enough you'll find your people but you can only do that when you are being authentic.
Be authentic.

Enjoy your week...
Love, Dr M♥️

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