Olubunmi The-Money-Therapist

09/03/2026

Someone mentioned that his mum had never requested money from his dad in 39 years of marriage.

As I mulled over that revelation, I wondered what her reason might be:

“I would rather just take whatever he gives me for the running of the family.”

“I earn more than he does, so I feel like asking might be embarrassing to him.”



“I grew up watching my mum cater to our needs as a family and probably just copied my parents’ model without realising it.”

Let's permit this certainly altruistic approach to managing family finances to sponsor our thoughts in other directions, too. Let us dare to ask: What is the underlying emotion behind each statement above?

Fear: that a proposal to jointly plan their finances will be rejected. This may be due to previous attempts that didn't enjoy a lift-off.

Doubt: that the husband's financial situation could ever change significantly enough to necessitate a change in the status quo. Hence, there's no need to check in intermittently with him.

Avoidance: of any thing, situation or conversation that could remotely threaten the stability believed to exist in the wife being exclusively responsible for home management decisions.

What other possibilities come to mind beyond these three?

Now, let's place this type of woman in other social circles…

Will she fervently advocate for her direct reports to be sponsored for foreign trips? Or, will the subordinates of her male colleagues fare better in this regard?

Is she likely to even negotiate her salary the way an equally-qualified man would?

Will she account for every cost in her business or will she tag a few as negligible so she isn't seen as too petty?

Will she split the bill equally along the lifetime of her friendships? Or, will she inadvertently shield a few of her friends from some costs, then get resentful down the line?

Will she sleep well at night after insisting that every landlord in the association should pay their dues promptly? Or, will she return from a funds collection exercise in the neighbourhood, feeling bad for “disturbing” the neighbour who chronically owes the landlord's association?

Beyond what she teaches verbally, what do her children learn from her actions about money conversations?

Recall we began by admitting the altruism of this wife? Clearly, the aim is not to vilify her. We merely just want to explore the implications for humanity when women avoid money conversations with specific people and in specific circles.

You may share below. Or, if you'd rather a more private exploration, here's the link to ensure it happens: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Some conversations maintain the peace for longer than others. Let's initiate and nurture these conversations, alright?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 90-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

08/03/2026

If Money were to write a note to women on this International Women's Day, here's what it's likely to say:

My love,

Yes, that's who you are. I really do love you.

Though it may not always seem that way, I do not love other people more than I do you. Truth is, I long to spend more time with you.

Everyone knows of your power to nurture and multiply. I'd like to experience that power, too. I want to be invited into your domain, not seasonally but perpetually. I want to grow around you.

Now, I see how deeply you desire to have me around, too. Even a blind man will. Time and again, you make the sacrifices that attract me, only to send me along before I settle in. That doesn't happen because you don't like me around. It's usually because another family member has amplified their need for me in your ears. Promptly, you conclude that they need me more than you do. Altruistic you.

Can we try to bond over the next year? Think of it like a relationship tryout. Errr… Relax, jọ̀ọ́… This kinda tryout is not like those romantic relationships in which you will need several years to heal in the event of a breakup. (Not like I am even nursing that possibility.) This type of tryout is one in which you give to gain.

So, here's what you will give…

Read about me, say for 30 minutes each week.

Talk about me as often as you discuss the great places to shop.

Include a few videos about me in your YouTube playlist.

Listen to podcasts about me as you do the dishes or go jogging.

Join a community where conversations about me are constantly going on.

As you may already be aware, I'm usually around, just waiting to be invited into your territory.

And, let me just come clean…

I'm kinda counting on you to introduce me to your children, you know? My friendship with your family is one I'd like to make trans-generational. And children learn more from what they see you do than what you say, don't they? Let me reveal to you what to do such that what you say to them sticks. You are your own calvary, remember?

Most important of all:

Connect with . There is a bouquet of money therapy services to choose from. Here: selar.com/m/themoneytherapist. There's at least one service that will make a difference in our relationship between now and the next International Women's Day. This gain is incomparable to any other.

So, my love…

We all acknowledge your power. We celebrate you today. And, this is only the first in the series of celebrations for 2026. No one's complaining if you aren't.

Are you? Lol.

Products by Olubunmi on Selar.

07/03/2026

Today, you're going to buy something special. It's something you have been waiting to buy since November.

Why do I suspect this?

November salary came with the tag, “Fragile. Handle with care.” That's because, of all the spots it could've taken, December decided to come right after November last year.

When December salary showed up, its tag read: “Remember there are 60 days in January?”

January’s salary chose “Relationship SOS” as its own badge. If you did not “invest” in Valentine's Day this year, s/he would've demoted you to the “talking stage” without hesitation. Lol.

So, when February salary showed up late last week, it was music to your ears. This time, you didn't even bother to read the badge.

You'd promised to delay spending big for a week, though. That's the reason you managed to get through the first week of March before paying for that thing. But, today na today, no be so…? Lol.

First, I acknowledge and celebrate the fact that you delayed gratification. Whether your realities forced it on you or it was your willpower at play, you sha waited until now to approach that expenditure. That's a big deal and I celebrate you. How many people can wait 97 days before buying a very useful item? Well done.

Now, since you have excelled in restraint, I invite you to pursue excellence in something else, too. That “something else” is called “affordability.”

Here's what I mean…

That you have waited since November to make this purchase is great. But, let's not make that purchasing decision merely based on how long you have been waiting. Let's throw the impact of that purchase into the decision pool. Yes, o. Lol.

If the past few months have been high-spend months like we outlined, it's very possible that you barely added anything to your savings. It is therefore very likely that you are looking to dip into your savings from last year, then pad it up with the extra that the February salary brought in.

Haha! Caught in the act, ehn? Lol.

The idea is not to leave you feeling guilty. Please be assured. We're simply having an affordability discussion. Particularly if you have subtly been thinking in this direction, let this be the nudge that helps you to decide.

Maybe you really can afford to make that purchase, after all. Or, maybe not. Please decide based on its impact on your financial goals rather than the duration of deprivation.

We could work together to figure out when you will be able to afford those big ticket purchases that must happen in 2026. Here: selar.com/planwithme.

You've begun winning with your finances. Do not erase the progress you have already made, alright?

We'll meet up to five times over a 30-day period and for 30 minutes each time. When we do, we'll draw up a plan to solve identified money problems.At the end of the first session, you will know where to begin with addressing those money...

06/03/2026

There are some things you know about yourself. No matter what anybody else says, you just know.

If you feel like it, you correct wrong notions. And, if you don't, you just smile inwardly at the display of ignorance.

Like:

Your mother is your mother, no matter who claims to have raised you.

You will still find a way to eat fried plantain, even if the government bans the eating of it tomorrow.

Your boss can shred you for not meeting your target on Monday morning. But, Monday evening remains holy unto football with the boys.

The best any employer can get is a hybrid work arrangement. Full-time, on-site? Try next door.

You must make a solo foreign trip every year to just breathe. So, without a second thought, you'll resign from any job that threatens this sacred ritual of yours.

You get the general picture, yeah? There are things you just know. Anyone asking you to shift ground is merely exercising their mouth muscles.

Well, can we apply the same posture to your money?

What are your persuasions with respect to money generally? How about to money that has made its way into your domain?

Will it remain with you or just mark time?

For how long?

Will it increase or decrease in quantity overall?

Is it likely to sweat minimally or sufficiently?

Will you enjoy a little more fulfilment or instability by its visit?

What you believe about money determines how much of it you attract. Your beliefs also dictate how much money you keep - to your ease or to your detriment.

A person who thinks money has come to serve him/her, for example, will treat it differently from a person who thinks the visit is a once-in-a-lifetime slug at success.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Write down your persuasions. Discuss them with a person who will only suggest necessary modifications with kindness on their lips.

If no such person exists for you (or if you need help identifying them), click here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Your history with money is usually how your mind chooses what to believe. Let's give it the right raw materials for the volume of wealth you’d like to command, alright?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 90-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

05/03/2026

Truth be told, planning can be exhausting.

It entails:

- traveling into the future

and

- coming face-to-face with all the challenges along the journey to the desired success.

Here's what happens next:

- the desired success creates deep satisfaction such that the impact of the challenges earlier encountered pales.

But, then:

- you return to the present and suddenly, you are looking for the energy to begin.

It is almost as if those challenges that pretended to be surmountable on the trip forward were only hiding their true nature. Lol. You're travelling back and they cast off their veils. You try to avoid focusing on them, yet they shave off one layer of satisfaction as you pass each of them on the journey to the present.

Suddenly, the you who made the trip is not the one who arrives. This version of you experiences double discomfort:

- exhaustion from the knowledge about the obstacles along the way

and

- the weight of expired ignorance.

Sounds familiar?

Let's introduce hope into the movie. And, no, not as a wakapass. Lol.

-H Hope is what makes you dare to return to that future.

- Hope is the reason you start out believing you can.

- Hope is where you get the courage to laugh at those challenges you encountered. Their secret is out. Surprise is no longer an advantage.

- Hope is why you can choose to live light even though nothing has changed on the outside in the present.

- Hope is why heaviness has got nothing on you.

How then do you recruit hope to your movie set? How do you ensure it shows up in time for Act 2 Scene 5 where it is supposed to feature?

Make the picture of the future more visible than those of those challenges.

Document your strategies for toppling each obstacle.

Recruit comrades who are going in a similar direction.

Make up your mind not to postpone your happiness but to enjoy the journey towards your desired success.

Let's talk about it some more here: selar.com/walkwithme.

I no be hope but I fit give you some hope. Plus, I be worthy comrade for dis kain journey, o. Lol.

I will be your companion over the next 90 days as you implement your documented plans.We'll have fun along the way, taking the sting out of it as you become the new you that must emerge within those 90 days.

04/03/2026

HOW TO STAY ALIVE AND REMAIN RELEVANT WITHOUT EXPERIENCING CONTINUOUS BURN OUT.
Crafted by:

“Baba, na you go lead that project, o.”

“Which project?”

“The new project the department is embarking on. Latest next week, you go get full details.”

“What's the project about?”


“Calm down, now. Next week don almost reach. It's a very short project. We are hoping to deliver next month, no matter what.”

“OK, no wàhálàs.”

Then you return to your cubicle and look at your outstandings. There are 5 projects with different lifespans. However, it just so happens that 3 of the projects must be delivered in that same “next month” that this new, still-anonymous project is meant to be delivered.

Something in the back of your mind says, “Bros, this is impossible.” You respond with, “Impossibility is nothing.”

Na you, now? You always find a way to make it work. Besides, you can easily recruit Sasha and Fred to join you on the project. They are the types that volunteer for every assignment without hesitation.

However, it's 2026. Fred just committed to a relationship where his jewel insists on quality time. And, Sasha has set a target to write a professional exam in June. Volunteering, therefore, has taken a backseat for her. With your comrades unapologetically unavailable to rescue you this time, you must face your cross.

Then you remember that you are the secretary for both your alumni association and the landlords’ association. Your great leadership skills are also the reason you were entrusted with organizing the men’s annual program to hold this Easter. Clearly, you can't miss or fully relax at any meeting. You have to listen carefully, so the minutes are accurate. More so, there are special programs planned by all these communities for the same “next month” that those projects at work chose. Couldn't they have held conversations with each other before choosing when to be due?

So, it's 5pm and you're still sitting at your desk. You dare not get up because you need to “cover some ground” before a new day arrives. Why sit in traffic for hours when I can get some work done during the same time, you rationalise.

“Na you biko, o. The guy is so hardworking!”

“Na you be all of us chairman. I hail, o.”

Those are the voices of two of your colleagues. They've stopped asking you to come play tennis with them after work. “The work wey dey my neck, ehn…” is a line they've heard too many times.

So, you finally arrive at home exhausted, unable to “be in a good mood” despite trying. You really just want to be left alone but your wife won't understand. Well, she had better be cool with a monologue. Thank God the children have gone to bed. They're lucky they showed up earlier in the marriage.

Does the scenario above describe you?
A little, yeah?
How often does this happen, too?

Diligence pays, alright? And, some levels of diligence are incompetent at balancing work and life. The way to stay in harmony, therefore, is to dare to be selfish.

- Does this project hold any value for me?

- How many projects have I committed to this season?

- How many more can I safely commit to without missing out on life?

- Who else can take the lead while I provide support on this project?

- What's the real reason everyone “trusts” me with responsibilities they don't bother to speak to others about.

- How is that trust helping me to advance financially, in my career and health-wise?

- Can I design a structure at the beginning of the project that others can run with without me?

We could build a Lustrum Plan together, so it's easier for you to make these decisions going forward. We could even rehearse polite, yet effective ways to decline those responsibilities that don't put money in your pocket, yet suck the life out of you. Here: selar.com/planwithme.

Every project is important but not necessarily to you. Let's fortify you against those captivating adverts by your supervisors. Lol.

04/03/2026

When I first began tracking my expenses in October 2009, it wasn't only because I wanted to know where my money was going.

My Pastor who introduced the concept of expense-tracking also mentioned that a huge percentage of people will give up the habit along the way. There and then, I made up my mind to NOT be part of that statistic. I chose instead to be consistent with my decision to track my expenses.

Almost 17 years after, that commitment has become an addiction - one I'd rather not recover from. Today, I:

can tell where I went and what I did on December 15, 2013.

know precisely when I stopped buying soda.

have figures for what percentage of my income has actually gone towards charitable giving despite my good intentions.



am able to thank God genuinely when I reflect on the ease of buying Spaghetti whether it is N200 or 6 times that.

more easily retrace my steps when I have begun to spend more on nibbles than on fruits.

have evidence of my generosity in one direction over another, making it easier to wear or discard whatever labels are placed on me.

create realistic personal budgets, since I have my tracked expenses as a guide.

All in all, I feel in control of my finances and, by implication, a huge part of my life. It's a blissful way to live and you can enjoy that bliss, too.

So, discard that belief that tracking your expenses is a difficult or undesirable exercise. Refuse to keep yourself away from this level of satisfaction because of fear - that it will make you stingy or proud towards specific people.

It's time to discard that hesitation that has kept you away from facing you. Wouldn't you rather know how your life has been auto-programmed despite your employment as the pilot?

I can show you precisely how to set up your own expense-tracker in a quick selar.com/thinkwithme session.

The month of March has just started. Let us make the minor changes, if need be, that will build or secure your wealth, alright?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 90-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

03/03/2026

I have held striking conversations recently around continuing along on paths chosen. Through these conversations, I found evidence that:

The paths we choose are usually very carefully considered before embarking on them.

We genuinely desire to succeed on each endeavor we commit to.

We often feel overwhelmed both by the commitment and by the fact that we seem to be failing at that commitment.

Strikes a chord, right?

Well, for starters, you are not alone. There are other high-flyers like you experiencing the same thing.

Next, you feel uncomfortable about not continuing because your innate desire is to keep your promise to yourself. You are a person of integrity who really wants to go beyond words to action.

Now, this part may or may not be obvious yet: the overwhelm is usually in the mind.

When the mind feels like it has to do so many things at the same time, it would go into self-preservation mode. It's like when you give too many instructions to your phone or your computer at the same time. It “hangs”, doesn't it?

The mind is immensely powerful, yet it needs your co-operation to function optimally. Here's how you can help:

Write down one thing you want to achieve.

Spread out the steps to take as far into the future as you can afford.

Create markers along the journey that will communicate to your mind that you are making progress.

Make these markers even more visible than the goal to be achieved.

Celebrate the attainment of those milestones rather than wait until the main goal is accomplished.

You love to hear good news, don't you? Your mind does, too. Let's feed it what it needs. In so doing, we free up the “RAM”, increasing the processing speed of the mind and our ability to take on new tasks more quickly.

Would you like us to create a strategy specific to one of your main goals? Here: selar.com/planwithme.

We'll meet up to five times over a 30-day period and for 30 minutes each time. When we do, we'll draw up a plan to solve identified money problems.At the end of the first session, you will know where to begin with addressing those money...

02/03/2026

Sometime ago, a friend asked: “What if the money I earn is not enough to save from?” I remember saying to her, “Even N100/month is enough.”

Best believe that N100/month as savings was as ridiculous then as it sounds today. Oh, yes.

Just N100? In one month? How many months will it take to save something tangible? Wouldn't inflation or even the monthly bank charges erode the value of the money in the account?

Now, these thoughts, while valid, are not meant to be entertained by non-savers. Let's leave them to the savers - the people who already believe in the power of having some money saved.

If you are yet to begin saving, here are the thoughts to mull over:

Will I ever be able to retire?

Am I setting myself up to keep working until the compulsory retirement date?

Do I subconsciously believe that my children will be responsible for taking care of me in old age?

Is there a part of me that secretly expects all the people I have been nice to in the past to band together and ensure my sustenance?

Who in my circle of friends can conveniently pay me my salary, if I lost my source of income today? Who will, even if they could?

We all want to live long, don't we? Advances in health technology would even compel you to “against your personal wish and desire.” Lol. It is our responsibility to work out how to enjoy the long life that God blesses us with.

So, buckle up. The tiny drops matter more than you realize. Accommodate the idea in your mind that slow progress is still progress.

Yes, you may need to shield your savings from bank charges. A direct debit of N100/day will easily evaporate once the SMS notification alert, card maintenance, birthday greeting, etc. fees are factored in. To mitigate this, you may build a physical box in which to place the cash that's dedicated to your savings. Then, on a monthly or quarterly basis, place the cash you have accumulated in an account that will at least preserve it (even if not multiply it yet).

The same principle applies to investments, you know? Tiny interests are preferable to no interest or a negative balance. So, please do not leave your money to idle away in a bank account. If you have built the saving muscle, you don change levels. Regular bank accounts have become “old school” for you. Move up to investment accounts.

Would you like us to work together to find the part of your money that you can dedicate to savings? Here: selar.com/planwithme.

Let's create or preserve the money that will allow us to flex a little more in old age. Who doesn't want to be a wealthy grandparent? Lol.

We'll meet up to five times over a 30-day period and for 30 minutes each time. When we do, we'll draw up a plan to solve identified money problems.At the end of the first session, you will know where to begin with addressing those money...

01/03/2026

So what if there are goals you haven't accomplished yet?

Let's even back up further…

So what if you haven't finalized the writing of your goals for 2026?

Of course, we all should have goals that give us an extra reason to get out of bed each day. And, we should write down those goals so we don't forget them. Again, we should make our goals so visible that we see them several times a day. Plus, we should speak and act in ways such that our minds believe we are already living in the reality of those goals.

Yet, what do you do when you haven't done all you know should be done? Give up altogether? Hide away from everyone who seems to have it together?

Let's not do that, alright? If for no other reason, it's because giving up or hiding away doesn't take the pressure away. In their presence or away from them, you will still bear the weight. So, let's talk about how to achieve more harmony within you right now, alright?

All things being equal, you will still see the end of 2026 whether you set 2026 goals or not. So, remind your mind to “be calming down.” Lol.

Goals can always be carried forward. The opportunity to work at them doesn't always vapourize forever. So, let's find space in March for those unmet goals from January and February.

For all we know the goals you set may have been too steep. A person who used to spend 100% of his/her income, for example, can hardly move in one month to spending only 20%. So, let's review the targets you set such that you experience the joy of small wins.

Maybe your Q1 goals were too many after all. Are those the 17 goals you listed as urgent and important for 2026? Let's reduce them to 2 or a maximum of 3 and focus exclusively on those.

It could also be that you have believed the wrong thing about you - that you don't usually follow through with your goals so what's the point setting them.

Let us work through that last one together, alright? Here: selar.com/thinkwithme. At the end of the session, you will know what to tell your mind when next the “I'm not a consistent person” thought filters in. Plus, we will document strategies to explore to entrench your new identity.

How's that for a plan?

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 90-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.

28/02/2026

Yesterday, I read that “Sarah was childless because she did not conceive any child.” And, that got me thinking…

Why didn't Sarah conceive? Not even a few miscarriages to prove (to who, o?) that her womb was still functional?

What was God saving her for or from? For that one special child, right? Or, from the emotional roller-coaster that miscarriages are?

Did she ever pray:

“God, I am convinced my faith will be strengthened by even one conception, even if it ends in a miscarriage. Make it happen, Lord, and watch my faith level hit the roof.” Lol.

Hey, what has Biblical Sarah's childbearing experience got to do with your own money, yeah?

It's the need to choose emotional stability through all seasons of life. And, no, I don't mean resignation to fate.

Sarah may have been “helped” to make her choice by the fact that conception never happened. You, though, may need to find your own anchor(s).

For a moment, think about how you felt in relation to money during the outgoing month. Did you always feel anxious? Did you feel at ease? What made it difficult for you to believe in abundance? What made adopting that belief a breeze?

Did the fact that you feared running out of money lead you to make certain decisions about your money going forward? Did the fact that you hit a financial milestone cause a shift in your thinking?

Let's document these - both the feelings and the decisions. Then as you plan for the month ahead, you have a reference point. More importantly, when you encounter situations that threaten to erode your resolve, you'd only need to revisit what you wrote (or typed) at a time when you were clear-headed. And you can power up your resolve again.

Would you like to do this documentation by yourself? Or, would you like a hand with this? Here: selar.com/thinkwithme.

Emotional equilibrium is not just a thing. It is possible for you, too.

At that point when you feel like you don't understand your money anymore, come right here to book this service.In a 90-minute virtual meeting, we'll explore alternative ways to solve those money problems making you uncomfortable.