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The irony isn’t lost on me that I’m writing a post about humility to increase our views!When people ask me about humilit...
26/04/2026

The irony isn’t lost on me that I’m writing a post about humility to increase our views!

When people ask me about humility, I instantly recall a biblical passage: 'For those who humble themselves shall be exalted.'

We’re often told we’re wired to win; we are actually wired for survival.

Winning once meant safety, status and belonging. So maybe the need to win a conversation is about protection.

Why do some of us need the last word?
Why do some of us need to be right?
Why does humility sometimes feel like we are losing?

The answers are rarely single-layered.

I don’t believe in personality tests or putting people into boxes. People aren’t types; we are collections of traits shaped by experience, threat, belief and context.

Boxes separate us, traits invite understanding.

Lately, I’ve started paying closer attention to my own behaviours. I am still an angry person when triggered, yet learning to control my reactions.

Same situations, same triggers, yet each time making a different choice.

Airports sometimes trigger me - noisy, long queues at security, invasion of privacy when searching me or my bag, flight delays or cancellations.

I’ve noticed that if I pause, just briefly, and smile, something shifts.

My automatic urge to react drops away, the conversation softens, and oddly, (or maybe not so odd), I tend to get more than I ever thought I would when trying to win.

I pondered, is this real, or am I making it up?

From a neuroscience perspective, it’s very real. That pause creates space.

It allows the threat system to settle and the thinking brain to come back online. Smiling, even if it's intentional, sends signals of safety to ourselves and to others.

When we feel safe, we listen better. When others feel safe, they’re more open.

So does humility always feel like winning in the moment? Not always.

Sometimes it leaves us replaying the conversation later, wondering if we should have said more.

However, humility isn’t a weakness.

Humility is understanding that connection often outperforms control.

Just maybe the real win is in walking away feeling you made a difference, for yourself and for others.

Humility is not losing, humility is not backing away, humility is leaning in and helping understand.

Let's talk!

E kore rātou e kaumātuatiaPēnei i a tātou kua mahue neiE kore hoki rātou e ngoikoreAhakoa pehea i ngā āhuatanga o te wāI...
24/04/2026

E kore rātou e kaumātuatia
Pēnei i a tātou kua mahue nei
E kore hoki rātou e ngoikore
Ahakoa pehea i ngā āhuatanga o te wā
I te hekenga atu o te rā
Tae noa ki te aranga mai i te ata
Ka maumahara tonu tātou ki a rātou
Ka maumahara tonu tātou ki a rātou.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them
We will remember them.

How self-aware are you?
23/04/2026

How self-aware are you?

Right now, we are seeing staff across organisations struggling. The onslaught of change in the world never seems to stop...
23/04/2026

Right now, we are seeing staff across organisations struggling.

The onslaught of change in the world never seems to stop.

To add to that, rising levels of aggression, frustration and emotional intensity from the public. It’s a lot.

Too often, organisations respond by rushing to off-the-shelf training and hoping it sticks.

We do things differently and provide solutions to your requirements.

Before we design anything, we take the time to understand your organisation, your people, and your work groups.

What are the real pressures they’re navigating day to day?

We then build a tailored programme that focuses solely on the challenges you’re actually facing.

No generic content, unnecessary theory, and no trying to change everything.

Instead, we look for what’s already working and ask, ‘What’s going well here and how can we strengthen it?’

Often, it’s small behavioural shifts that create a massive impact in how people communicate and respond under pressure.

Our most sought-after programmes are Managing Change and De-escalation.

They speak to the reality that ALL organisations are living right now.

The assessment, tailoring and development of our programmes come at no cost to you.

Our clients are partners, and we continue to work with clients from 10 years ago, bringing something different each time.

Small changes make a big difference.

For too long, the conversation has focused on what’s going wrong.

We focus on what’s right and how to help it hold, even when everything around it is changing.

Let’s talk!

We’ve all heard the saying: “The loudest person in the room usually loses.”But is it true? Or is it just another catchy ...
21/04/2026

We’ve all heard the saying: “The loudest person in the room usually loses.”

But is it true? Or is it just another catchy phrase we repeat without thinking?

When someone raises their voice in an argument, they’re showing their internal state.

The louder we get, the less we think clearly.

The moment we feel threatened (emotionally or physically), the body shifts into a threat-response mode.

Our heart rate increases, our breathing becomes shorter and blood flow moves away from the thinking part of the brain toward our survival systems.

Then, cognitive control drops, our impulse behaviour rises, words get messy, and we say things we don’t mean. The nervous system is overwhelmed.

The loudest person takes the longest to recover.

A raised voice usually means cortisol and adrenaline are surging, which lasts long after the argument ends – sometimes for hours, sometimes for days.

The quiet person who stays calm actually has the advantage as their physiology stays in a state where they can still think, listen and respond.

The loudest person isn't always wrong, but they are dysregulated.

Being loud doesn’t mean someone has poor intentions.

It may mean they feel unheard or attacked, they don’t have the tools to regulate emotion, they learned early on that volume equals safety, or the big one - they’ve been carrying hurt they haven’t spoken about.

Volume is a symptom.

This is where true Stoicism enters. Genuine Stoicism is the ability to:
🙏 Stay grounded when others rise.
🙏 See your emotion without being controlled by it.
🙏 Pause long enough to respond instead of reacting immediately.
🙏 Protect your peace.

The quiet person wins because they’re regulated.

In a world where people are overwhelmed, overstimulated, and often carrying invisible pain, the most powerful thing you can bring to any conflict is a controlled nervous system.

The next time you feel angered:
🧠 Pause – give yourself time to think.
🧠 Question your thoughts – are you acting or simply reacting?
🧠 Respond according to your values – most of us have a value of respect, caring or family.
🧠 Be mindful – other people matter.

That’s true Stoicism – controlling our emotions rather than letting our emotions control us.

Let’s talk!

At the end of every keynote or coaching workshop, I leave people with two things:1. Be as patient with yourself as you a...
19/04/2026

At the end of every keynote or coaching workshop, I leave people with two things:

1. Be as patient with yourself as you are with those around you.
2. When times are tough, always go with your heart and not your head because your heart knows best.

That belief didn’t come from a programme, from any readings, or from research. It came from crisis negotiation, where I spent over half of my 22-year police career.

In the darkest moments, we never spoke of logic to the vulnerable person.

When the time was right, we asked the most important question: “What has kept you going?”

Because what keeps us going is what keeps people here.

We’ve since created a small pin, a heart with the image of a brain in the background.

Not as a slogan, as a reminder of what is important in life.

Neuroscience, as it turns out, backs this up.

When we focus on what we love, the brain shifts out of threat.

The nervous system settles, hope becomes possible, and logic returns after connection.

During my own vulnerability, when thinking failed me, when everything seemed hopeless, thinking of my family kept me going.

Not plans, not solutions, love - the most powerful emotion of all.

Love quietens our threat system, releases oxytocin, engages the parasympathetic nervous system, and the prefrontal cortex comes back online.

Always remember to be gentler with yourself than your inner critic allows.

Hold tightly to what you love.

Let your heart lead; it has been keeping you going far longer than your thoughts ever have.

Let’s talk! 💙🧠

I’ve noticed that my body hurts more and for longer these days.And I seem to be more tired than I once was. Old age, I t...
16/04/2026

I’ve noticed that my body hurts more and for longer these days.

And I seem to be more tired than I once was. Old age, I tell myself.

At 68, four hours’ sleep and two hamburgers no longer get me through the day.

But the thing is, I’ve realised this discomfort and fatigue is not a signal to stop.

Clint Eastwood, now 95, once said to Toby Keith at a charity golf tournament: “Don’t let the old man in.”

Those words resonated for me. They’re not about pretending to be young; they’re about refusing to surrender when your body tries to negotiate an early retirement.

If we continue doing the things we did when we were younger, such as strength training, walking fast, challenging ourselves mentally, and staying socially connected, our brains strengthen.

You know this, but here’s the latest research to support it.

A 2025 meta‑analysis of 4,349 adults aged 60+ found that:

🧠 Resistance training delivered the biggest boost to overall cognitive function.
🧠 Mind–body practices (like Tai Chi or yoga) significantly improved executive function and working memory.
🧠 Aerobic exercise enhanced memory - the thing so many fear losing.

A National Institute on Ageing study showed that even small improvements in fitness significantly increased myelin, the brain’s communication wiring, particularly after age 40.

That means sharper thinking, faster processing and better resilience against decline.

Across 130,000+ older adults in international ageing studies, those who stayed active were dramatically more likely to maintain a high, stable trajectory of health over 10 years.

Movement shifted the entire path upward.

Strength training, in particular, remains one of the strongest protectors against frailty, bone loss, and loss of independence as we age.

A remarkable 2026 Yale study of 11,000 older adults found that nearly half improved physically or cognitively over 12 years.

And the biggest predictor of improvement? Their mindset about ageing.

Those who believed ageing could include growth were the ones who actually grew.

What this means is the tiredness you feel, the soreness you wake up with, and the days your body whispers to you, ‘skip the gym,’ aren’t signs of decline.

Those are the moments when the research says that if you keep going, you win.

If you move, lift, stretch, breathe, connect and challenge yourself, you push the ‘old person’ back outside the door.

Although your body is tired, sore, complaining, or making excuses, it is still capable of extraordinary things when you give it the chance.

Keep moving, keep learning, keep pushing.

Your future self will thank you.

Let’s talk!

Have you ever noticed how some of us push for the last word?We’re wired to win because the brain is wired to survive. So...
15/04/2026

Have you ever noticed how some of us push for the last word?

We’re wired to win because the brain is wired to survive. Something inside of us fires up. It isn’t because we’re rude or want to hurt anyone.

Long before modern life, losing a disagreement could mean losing safety and belonging.

So, our brain learned a rule: If I stay in control, I stay safe. That old wiring still continues today.

When we feel challenged, the survival brain switches on.

Our body reacts before we can think.

You’re not broken if you struggle to stay calm; you’re human.

Yet, survival-mode winning isn’t real winning, it’s losing connection, it’s losing trust, it’s losing our centre.

We win the moment but lose the relationship.

Real winning is different. Real winning is when we protect someone else’s mana, even in conflict.

When we respond gently and hold dignity on both sides, we win ourselves.

It takes effort because we are working against millions of years of hardwiring.

But every time, every time we choose respect over reaction, we are rewiring our future.

The true last word isn’t the loudest.

It’s the calm, conscious one. The one that keeps respect intact: both theirs and ours.

Let’s talk!

Money is a very real consideration for businesses that require training.We remind our clients that we deliver workshops ...
14/04/2026

Money is a very real consideration for businesses that require training.

We remind our clients that we deliver workshops online as a deliberate strategic option, not as a second-best alternative to in-person training.

In-person learning can be powerful; however, it also comes with real costs:
🚗 Travel
🏨 Accommodation.
🕰️ Time away from operational roles
📋 Logistical complexity

Online delivery removes those costs without changing the workshop itself.

Same content, same facilitator, and the same depth.

What’s surprised many organisations (including us) is that learning can actually go deeper online.

In previous national-level online workshops I delivered for WorkSafe, one of the requirements was that participants did not have to turn their cameras on.

What happened next was unexpected.

People became more open, more honest, more reflective, more willing to talk about what’s really going on.

Conversations went further than they often do in a physical room.

Why?

Because without being watched, without comparing themselves to others, without feeling pressure to conform, they stopped performing and started engaging.

When the work involves a deep understanding of ourselves and those we interact with, this really matters.

It includes a behaviour change, deep reflection, improved emotional regulation and real-world application.

Online workshops, when designed and facilitated properly, can:
✔ Reduce social pressure
✔ Increase psychological safety
✔ Remove geographic and accessibility barriers
✔ Allow people to participate as themselves

In a time when organisations are under financial strain, this approach allows leaders to keep investing in their people without sacrificing quality.

Online isn’t better in every situation. Yet when budgets are tight, teams are distributed, and psychological safety matters, it can be an advantage.

Let’s talk!

With many organisations seeing an increase in angry clients and customers, we are regularly asked the question, "How do ...
13/04/2026

With many organisations seeing an increase in angry clients and customers, we are regularly asked the question, "How do we talk to an angry person?"

Often, saying nothing or simply agreeing with how they feel can help reduce conflict.

Here are some other tips for dealing with the angry:

👉 Stand tall with your head up, shoulders back, and hands by your side. This shows that you are open and ready to listen.

👉 Listen to what they are saying. When they have finished their 'vent', paraphrase back to them what they said related to the facts of what they are yelling about. (i.e., you are here to talk about .....).

👉 Reduce your eye contact to half of what you would usually do, 30% instead of 60%.

👉 The person will come at you again, repeat the process. Keep your hand movements to a minimum.

👉 If you can, hold something in your hand, such as a notebook or pen. This will help relax your facial muscles and give you the feeling of support. (Try it now, stand up with your hands by your side without anything in your hands and then pick something up. Note how you feel more relaxed yet confident.

👉 If you're able to, invite the person to sit down. This will reduce their anger, as they won't have a strong foundation on which to base their rage.

👉 Go through their issue without taking any notes; this is called free recall. Then ask them to go through it again and tell them that this time you will be taking notes. Going through it twice clarifies the situation and allows them to tell their story at least twice, easing built-up tension.

👉 If you can, get them to make notes also. When we write words by forming letters, we switch to our logic brain, rather than staying in our emotional brain.

👉 Throughout the conversation, use words such as important. "I can tell this is important to you." They are in a heightened state because this is important to them, and acknowledging this will support them in feeling acknowledged and validated.

Let's talk!

We watched a movie last night about Tourette’s called ‘I Swear.’It moved me to tears, reflecting on how life can be so c...
10/04/2026

We watched a movie last night about Tourette’s called ‘I Swear.’

It moved me to tears, reflecting on how life can be so challenging for some of us.

We all spend our lives searching for direction, meaning, and something that feels like it's ours.

Some discoveries arrive by accident, some because someone told us, and some appear exactly when we’re ready.

The ones that land hardest seem to be the discoveries we make ourselves.

For me, life has never been about trial and error, although it often felt that way at the time.

It has always been trial and trial. A trial of managing something I never knew I had and trialling new ways of dealing with it.

Nothing is ever truly an error if it teaches me something. And everything teaches me something.

As I’ve aged – yes, I know I shouldn’t be talking about ageing – people sometimes say I am wise.

Yet wisdom doesn’t arrive with birthdays.

Wisdom arrives when you start using what you’ve lived through. Every challenge I’ve faced has brought something new to learn.

Every setback has offered another piece of the puzzle.

Every confusing, painful, uncertain moment has nudged me forward. Even when I didn’t realise it at the time, such as not learning to learn until I was aged 35.

Life, I’ve learned, is not a series of problems to solve. Life is a series of lessons to integrate.

The more I stay curious, the more I try, the more I experiment, the more life reveals what I’m meant to know and when I’m meant to know it.

If you’re feeling stuck, lost, overwhelmed, or behind – maybe you’re not behind at all.

Maybe you’re right on time.

Continue learning and discovering your way. Not someone else’s way.

The most powerful wisdom you will ever hold is the wisdom you earn by living your own life.

Let’s talk!

I was hit with a double whammy: an accumulation of stressful situations at work, along with numerous leave applications ...
07/04/2026

I was hit with a double whammy: an accumulation of stressful situations at work, along with numerous leave applications being declined. When leave was granted, I would study. I have never been one to rest.

It was not that I was working too hard, or that I was working long hours, or that I never took time to rest; it was because I had lost all sense of control over my work.

For me, burnout crept in gradually, almost unnoticed. Looking back, the signs were there, but they were easy to miss.

If the signs were obvious, we’d all be better at preventing it.

When I was younger, I would keep busy and by the age of 11 was mowing lawns and delivering newspapers for money. Weekends were filled with work around the home and in the garden.

Hard work provided a sense of solitude, offering a break from my constantly overthinking mind. The feeling of accomplishment, coupled with the praise from others that followed, became a reward in itself.

Fast forward to a police career 24 years later - I was doing the same thing, working hard to progress through the ranks.

Known causes of burnout at work include a heavy workload with long hours, struggling with a work-life balance, a mismatch of values, unfair treatment, and insufficient autonomy, all leaving the person with a feeling of having little or no control.

The first realisation that something was wrong was when I began self-medicating, firstly to get a better night's sleep, and latterly throughout the day. Anything to stop the onslaught of negative self-talk.

It wasn't until a suicidal ideation that I truly knew I needed help urgently. A diagnosis of accumulated stress disorder led to both psychological support and the journey of self-discovery.

The initial diagnosis was emotionally overwhelming, but also brought a sense of relief - knowing that others had faced and overcome a similar challenge.

Regardless of how determined, strong, or powerful we think we might be, there is always a risk of burnout if we do not maintain control over what we do.

Fast forward further to today.

Although I've never worked harder as a business owner, now, the inability to say no is my choice. That's how I'm now able to maintain a sense of control.

Each of us is different, and we must find our own way of managing our workloads.

If you wish to prevent burnout, it's crucial to maintain control of your life in a way that allows balance - on your terms.

How do you maintain balance and a sense of control in your life?

Let's talk!

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Our Story

With 22 years policing experience at the highest level, Lance has expertise in responding to emergencies and communicating in challenging situations. Lance specialised in su***de intervention and on predicting violent behaviour in his 13 years as a crisis negotiator and instructor for the NZ Police.

While working at the 111 Emergency call centre, Lance's resiliency programme was adopted nationally and formed part of the mandatory training for all Police call centre staff. This led to the founding of WARN International, aimed to enable organisations to mitigate the effects of stress on their employees by enhancing communication skills, managing their safety & security, and by providing personal resilience coaching.