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WARN International provides consultancy and training in managing challenging situations to minimise

18/11/2025

Those who follow my posts know I’ve been on a long journey of self-discovery, from childhood through to today, piecing together the jigsaw puzzle of my life to understand why I behaved the way I did.

The truth is, I was angry. Deeply angry. At everything and at everyone.

That anger often exploded into fits of rage. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop.

I tried alcohol, medication, drugs – nothing worked.

I felt possessed, evil even, knowing that this wasn’t the real me.

I blamed my father. I blamed my education. I blamed the unfair world. Rarely, did I blame myself.

And yes, I have regrets. All of them were tied to one thing: anger.

Yet, something started to change.

My anger began to fade. It still flickers now and then, but I’ve learned to turn it into humour, to let it go more easily than before.

And, as things started to go right in my life, I found myself asking: Why do I deserve this peace, this contentment, this ease with the world?

The answer came when I stopped fighting and started understanding. Understanding me!

I am neurodivergent. I think differently. I feel differently. I am different.

My struggle was about trying to fit in when I was never meant to.

I was trying to be someone else instead of embracing who I truly am.

Being different is not a flaw, it’s a truth.

When we stop fighting that truth and start working with it, everything changes. Your relationships, your sense of purpose, and how you view the world.

So, I ask you to consider - do you know who you truly are?

If not, start exploring. Find your difference, be your difference, and embrace it. For that is your true self.

You deserve to be happy, to be content, to have good things happen to you, too.

Let’s talk!

16/11/2025

What is empathy, truly?

According to 2025 neuroscience, empathy is the ability to recognise and share the emotions of others, driven by a complex interplay of brain systems.

The word ‘recognise’ in this context means being able to perceive and understand what someone else is feeling by reading facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and context.

The word ‘share’ is about the emotional feeling that we get when we know that someone is sad or happy. This comes from mirror neurons.

Emotional empathy activates the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and insula, mirroring others’ pain as if it were our own.

Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, involves mentalising networks that help us infer what others are thinking or feeling.

Empathy forms through emotional learning. When we feel rewarded by someone else’s happiness, our brain begins to treat them like a favourite. This emotional association builds empathy, even in the absence of direct rewards.

Empathy shapes our behaviour, decisions, and relationships. It drives prosocial actions, deepens connection, and even influences how we respond to distress.

When we witness someone in pain, the same neural pathways light up as if we were experiencing it ourselves. This “affect sharing” is essential for social bonding and survival.

The challenge is that empathy can shut down.

Stress, burnout, and emotional overload can hijack our empathic circuits. Neuroscience shows that empathy and compassion activate different brain networks. Empathy can lead to distress and fatigue, while compassion engages reward and motivation centres.

Without compassion, empathy can overwhelm us. What gets in the way - emotional exhaustion, disconnection from others, competitive environments, digital overload, and reduced face-to-face interaction.

Now we can see why empathy drifts into the background in our very busy world.

Empathy is not just a trait; it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be trained, strengthened, and protected.

Let’s talk!

13/11/2025

As we recover from the emotional toll of lockdowns and disrupted routines, many of us are still carrying the weight of unexpressed emotions.

Frustration often bubbles up as anger, but beneath that lies our sadness, vulnerability, and longing for connection.

During those uncertain times, we learned to suppress our emotions. Many of us said nothing, or, on the contrary, we lashed out.

Our brains, wired for survival, adapted by shielding us from emotional exposure. But in doing so, we lost touch with our natural selves.

Crying is not a weakness; it’s neuroscience. Emotional tears activate the limbic system, especially the amygdala and hypothalamus, which regulate our emotional responses.

Crying triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us shift from fight-or-flight into rest and repair. Tears release cortisol, prolactin, and endorphins, reducing stress and bringing emotional relief.

Crying is also evolutionary.

It’s a call for help, a display of vulnerability, and a way to strengthen bonds. Evolutionary biologists suggest that tears blur our vision to lower defences, signalling submission and a need for connection.

And we are wired to laugh.

Laughter, like crying, is deeply rooted in our biology. It evolved from play signals in early mammals and became a tool for survival, helping us form alliances, reduce tension, and signal safety.

Laughter activates brain regions tied to joy and social bonding. It’s contagious, healing, and profoundly human.

I’ve found myself crying more in recent years. Not just in moments of personal highs and lows, but also when someone says something deeply emotional, when I’m triggered by a past experience, or when I feel the hurt of someone else.

It’s not uncommon for me to well up. And I’ve come to see this not as a weakness, but as a strength, a sign that I’m connected, present, and human.

So what if we allowed ourselves to be more natural? To cry when we’re hurting, to laugh when we’re joyful, to express emotions in ways that are respectful, authentic, and human.

There is great dignity in crying, there is great power in laughter, and there is a deep connection in both.

Don’t be afraid to show your true feelings.

Let’s talk!

11/11/2025

Why am I afraid of the dark?

I travel a lot for work. Hotels, motels, apartments; each one different yet familiar.

Recently, I stayed in a beautiful two-story apartment-style motel.

But as night fell, I found myself closing the bedroom door tightly. Not for privacy, not for safety, not that the space felt too big.

It felt, well, frightening.

I messaged my daughter and asked if she could book me places with just one room from now on. Her reply - “You can be brave 💪.”

You see, I’ve been afraid of the dark for as long as I can remember. As a child, I saw visions in the doorway, people sneaking into our home.

I’d lie frozen in bed, heart pounding, waiting for morning light to make it all go away. Pulling the bed sheets over my head to hide and listening for pending footsteps that never came.

As I grew older, I told myself it was irrational. That night is just the absence of light. That nothing changes between day and night, except that we can see better in the daytime.

Then I joined the police at the age of 35 and spent a third of my 22 years working in the dark. Patrolling streets. Entering homes. Facing danger. And still, the fear of the dark never left me.

Why do we fear the dark? Is it because most crimes happen at night? Is it because we dream more vividly, and sometimes wake up in fright? Is it because darkness hides what we can’t control?

Maybe it’s all of that. Or maybe it’s something deeper, something primal, a reminder that even the strongest among us carry shadows from childhood.

Bravery isn’t the absence of fear, but the willingness to face it. So yes, I still ask for one-room places to stay.

And yes, I will still close the door when I go back there next week.

But I also open up about it because vulnerability is a kind of courage, too.

If you’ve ever felt afraid of something others don’t understand, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk!

09/11/2025

How do you feel when things go wrong?

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things fall apart - and it doesn’t feel great. It can feel even more uncomfortable when someone else spots our slip-up.

So, what can we do in those moments?

We can remind ourselves that not everything goes as planned, that every person makes mistakes. And that, truthfully, no one is watching as closely as we think.

The funny thing is, when things actually go right, we hardly take a second to notice.

A fleeting moment, and then it’s gone. We move on, chasing the next goal, the next fix, the next win.

We are our own worst critics. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else ever could be.

There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way — your brain is just doing its job.

Neuroscience tells us our brain is designed to focus on the negative as a survival mechanism, scanning for threats to keep us safe.

But in today’s world, that wiring most often works against us.

Focusing on the positive takes effort; it’s not natural. Yet, it’s necessary.

It’s how we build resilience, confidence, and connection.

So the next time something goes wrong - pause, reflect, acknowledge, then move forward.

And when something goes right - pause for longer, reflect for longer, acknowledge for longer, then move forward.

Celebrate your wins, forgive the stumbles, and remember – you are doing much better than you think you are.

Let’s talk!

04/11/2025

Trauma doesn’t always visit us during the day. Sometimes, it waits until we sleep.

Some nights, we wake with a jolt. A dream, vivid and painful, has pulled us back into a moment we thought we’d left behind.

It might not seem like it, but our brain is trying to help. Neuroscience shows that dreaming plays an active role in emotional memory processing.

When we dream, especially after emotionally charged experiences, our brain prioritises those memories to help us transform them.

Our mind is saying, “Let me hold this for you, but let me soften the edges.”

Studies reveal that dreaming about trauma can reduce its emotional sting, helping us integrate it into our story and support us in healing our past.

In Japan, they see this differently - dreams are spiritual messages.

Shinto tradition teaches us that dreams are communications from kami, divine spirits offering guidance and transformation.

Even traumatic dreams are seen as opportunities for growth.

In ancient Japan, people would sleep at sacred shrines to receive meaningful dreams. They believed that even the darkest visions could carry light, a message, a lesson, a path forward.

So the next time trauma visits you in your sleep, pause before pushing it away.

Maybe it’s your brain, or maybe it is something deeper, something spiritual, saying - “You are ready to face this, and you are not alone.”

If you have a bad dream about your trauma, reflect on it when you wake. Do you see your dream through the lens of neuroscience, as your brain trying to help? Or do you view it as spiritual, a message from something greater?

Either way, it’s a sign you’re healing.

Let’s talk!

02/11/2025

I’ve never considered myself a good person.

As a child, I was the one in the sandpit who wanted all the toys.

In the classroom, I made people laugh. Not out of kindness, but because I had few friends.

As a teenager, I was self-centred. As an adult, I was a dictator.

I was, well, never a good person. I still don’t consider myself one, just a work in progress.

In the last two years, I have made substantial changes. Still not perfect, I never will be - it is an ongoing journey.

But I’ve come to understand that most of what I did in life felt more wrong than right.

And the turning point came when writing my last book - I looked back on my own life to understand.

Was it poor parenting? Childhood trauma? Being the only son? Born stupid? Lacking empathy? Being self-centred?

Anger was my default setting. Behind every behaviour is a reason. When I found mine, everything fell into place.

I was angry, angry at the world, angry at anything and everything. Just plain angry.

Alcohol and drugs helped, for a short moment. Then they wore off, and I became angrier.

I was scared, a coward, too afraid to face the truth – the truth that I was different.

When I looked back, I discovered who I truly was. Someone who thinks differently, someone with a neurological difference.

And I’m happy with that, happy in the knowledge that I am different and that I can use that difference to better myself and hopefully help others.

Over recent times, I’ve shared a lot about myself. My foibles, my differences, and my struggles.

Today, I’m in a much better place. Happy with the world, and more at ease.

Thank you to those who stood by me when they shouldn’t have.
Thank you to those who supported me.
Thank you to those who picked me up when I needed it.

Looking back to understand yourself is extremely powerful. Will you take on that challenge?

Let’s talk!

30/10/2025

Do you ever wake up and wish it was the weekend? Or retirement? Or simply anything but today?

Many of us open our eyes in the morning and immediately hope the day will disappear.

We lie there, staring at the ceiling, bargaining with time.

“Just five more minutes.”
“Maybe I’ll call in sick.”
“I can’t do this again.”

However, the reality is that we must get out of bed.

Not just for work, and not just for others - but for our brain, our body, and our future.

We often think motivation comes from passion or drive, but it’s deeper than that. Our brains are wired to keep us moving and achieving, thanks to the reward system and its dopamine pathways.

Not only does dopamine make us feel good, it also tags what’s worth striving for. It’s the signal that says, “This matters.”

Getting out of bed when we don’t feel like it might be even more important for brain health than when we’re excited.

Effortful decisions, the moments when we choose discomfort over ease, activate the prefrontal cortex. This is the brain’s command centre for resilience, planning, and self-regulation.

This builds mental stamina. It strengthens the circuits that help us adapt, and grow.

Even anticipating something positive, no matter how small, such as a walk, a coffee, or a smile, can boost endorphins, reduce cortisol, and increase human growth hormone.

So yes, it’s hard - and some mornings feel impossible. But every time we act, we send a message to our brain:

I’m still here.
I’m still trying.
I’m still moving forward.

And that message rewires our brain.

So the next time you wake up feeling like the weight of the world is too much, remember to keep moving forward. For ourselves, our brains, and the life we’re still building.

Let’s talk!

29/10/2025

Across Aotearoa, elected members on local boards and councils are putting themselves forward to serve their communities.

Not for fame, not for fortune, but because they care deeply. They do it for their values, for their neighbours, for the places they call home.

But something is going wrong.

These good people are being unfairly criticised, abused, and in some cases, assaulted.

The result? Communities are losing their most compassionate, values-driven representatives.

Let’s be clear - it’s not the representatives who need to change. It’s the behaviour of those causing harm.

At WARN International we’ve begun running workshops for elected members to support them in their roles.

Our first workshop helps them reconnect with the deeper reasons they chose to serve – their values, their purpose, their hope to make a difference.

The second workshop equips them to manage the unwanted behaviour of others. And for those who need more, we offer one-on-one coaching.

We would prefer not to have to run the second workshop nor the one-to-one coaching.

Every single person we’ve worked with has a huge heart. They care. And, we are losing them because of the callous unthinking behaviour of others.

If you want to support those who support you, please communicate with kindness. Understand that they are doing their best, often under immense pressure, and for very little financial reward.

Yes, a small minority of elected members may be driven by ideology rather than community needs. Yet the vast majority are there for the right reasons.

Words can hurt. Abuse can destroy. Physical violence is unacceptable and those responsible will be held to account.

Let’s talk!

27/10/2025

Why is it that so many people are quick to make a derogatory comment about others, yet slow to say something kind?

Is it human nature? Is it jealousy? Is it tall poppy syndrome?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About how we seem drawn to negativity, how we read the comments, share the outrage, and for some people even join in. Why?

Maybe it’s because of our negativity bias - our survival mechanism hardwired into our brains.

We’re biologically tuned to notice threats, to remember the bad more than the good. It is what helped our ancestors stay alive.

But in today’s world, it can make us hyper-aware of flaws, mistakes and imperfections, both in others and in ourselves.

Maybe it’s because hurting people tend to hurt people, and who’s not hurting right now?

When someone lashes out, it often says more about their pain than the person they’re targeting. It’s a cry for help disguised as criticism.

We don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle.

Neuroscience tells us that positive words and thoughts can literally rewire our brains. Holding a kind word in your mind activates the frontal lobe, the part of the brain responsible for empathy, reasoning and action.

Over time, this can shift how we see ourselves and others.

So what if, instead of tearing people down, we lifted them up? What if we made a habit of saying the good - the compliments we think but don’t share, the admiration we feel but keep to ourselves?

What would happen if we chose to be kind, even when it’s hard to?

I believe we’d feel better, I believe others would too, and I believe the ripple effect could be profound.

So here’s my challenge to you - say one kind thing to someone today. Not because they need it (although they might), but because you do.

Be the one who breaks the cycle.

Let’s talk!

23/10/2025

Every now and then, I find myself drifting back to childhood memories. Often this will happen when I have been in a state of stress.

The smell of freshly cut grass, fish and chips, the sound of kids playing on the street, the feeling of safety in the simplicity of a long-forgotten time.

Why do our minds take us back there?

From a neuroscience perspective, this is linked to the brain’s default mode network (DMN), the system active when we’re not focused on the outside world, often during daydreaming or reflection.

The DMN helps us process our identity, emotions, and memories.

When life feels uncertain or overwhelming, the brain instinctively revisits familiar, comforting experiences to restore emotional balance.

Childhood memories are stored in the hippocampus, a region tied to long-term memory and emotional regulation.

These memories often carry strong emotional weight, and revisiting them can activate the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine, which helps us feel safe and soothed.

These moments can help us remember who we were before the world told us who to be.

For me, these memories are grounding. They remind me of the values I grew up with, the resilience I didn’t know I had, and the dreams that still play in the background.

So, if you find yourself thinking about your childhood lately, don’t dismiss it. Lean into it.

There might be something there you need to remember or reclaim.

What’s one childhood memory that still brings you peace?

Let’s talk!

21/10/2025

As we baby boomers reach the later stages of our working lives, it can sometimes feel as though the world is against us.

We tell ourselves, “I didn’t get that job because I’m too old, because I’m too experienced, because they fear I’ll take their job, because…” The list goes on.

At some point, we all must accept that we are ageing.

Yet we don’t have to accept that we didn’t get that job because we’re too old, too experienced, or too much of a threat.

Sometimes, it’s simply that the organisation is heading in a new direction, or perhaps looking for a fresh set of eyes.

Maybe, just maybe, they haven’t yet seen the flexibility and adaptability we bring.

So, what can we do to give ourselves every chance of landing that next role?

We can show them the diversity of our skills by sharing stories of how our experience has made us adaptable and resourceful.

We can talk about our ability to work with anyone, in any environment, and demonstrate that we’re open to new ideas and learning.

We can show that we’re not just keeping up with today’s world; we are actively contributing to it.

Our world is progressing faster than anyone ever imagined, and we must show that we are keeping pace with it.

That means highlighting the ways we’ve embraced technology, even if it’s just learning new tools or platforms that are relevant to our field.

It means sharing the courses we’ve taken, the certifications we’ve earned, or the webinars we’ve attended.

When we talk about how we have adapted to change or solved new challenges, we show that our problem-solving skills are as sharp as ever.

Mentoring is another strength we bring; our ability to coach and support others is a huge asset to any team.

And when we share stories of collaborating across generations, across ethnicities, across cultures, we remind employers that we know how to build bridges.

Above all, letting our passion for the role and the industry shine through can be the most compelling evidence of all that we are still very much relevant.

It may not be your age that’s holding you back. Sometimes, it’s simply about how you present your relevance and readiness for today’s challenges.

Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep relevant.

Let’s talk!

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http://www.warninternational.com/

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Our Story

With 22 years policing experience at the highest level, Lance has expertise in responding to emergencies and communicating in challenging situations. Lance specialised in su***de intervention and on predicting violent behaviour in his 13 years as a crisis negotiator and instructor for the NZ Police.

While working at the 111 Emergency call centre, Lance's resiliency programme was adopted nationally and formed part of the mandatory training for all Police call centre staff. This led to the founding of WARN International, aimed to enable organisations to mitigate the effects of stress on their employees by enhancing communication skills, managing their safety & security, and by providing personal resilience coaching.