Conscious Transformation

26/10/2025

تحریر از: نبیلہ رحیم، ماہرِ نفسیات

،کہتے ہیں 60-70 کی عمر سکون، شکر اور دانائی کی ہوتی ہے
تجربے،کہانیوں کی روشن کتاب ہوتے ہیں۔۔۔۔

…
پر بعض چہروں پر بڑھاپے کی جھریوں کے ساتھ اندر کی تلخی
اور زبان کی کاٹ بڑھتی نظر آتی ہے۔

کپڑے برانڈڈ، چائے کی چسکی قیمتی کپ میں، مگر لنڈے کی زبان جیسی!

دل میں حسد، زبان پر غیبت، اور چہرے پر تقدس کا نقاب۔

آہ!!!!!!!!

میں نے ایک ماہرِ نفسیات کے طور پر یہ مشاہدہ کیا ہے کہ انسان کی زبان اس کے دل کی کیفیت کی عکاسی کرتی ہے۔
جس دل میں حسد، غصہ اور خود پسندی ہو وہاں سے الفاظ دعا نہیں، زہر بن کر نکلتے ہیں۔

پیسہ، عمر یا مقام انسان کو معتبر نہیں بناتے،
بلکہ دل کی صفائی اور زبان کی نرمی اصل شخصیت کا آئینہ ہیں۔

دیکھا ہے بعض لوگ ساٹھ- ستر کا ہندسہ بھی کراس کر جاتے ہیں،
مگر دل روشن کہ بجاے اس میں کینہ، زبان پر طنز، اور
دوسروں کی برائیاں ان کا روز کا مشغلہ اپنے ہوتا ہے

گویا چائے کی چسکی کے ساتھ غیبت کا نوالہ لازم ہو۔

ایسے لوگ اپنی باتوں سے خود کو بڑا نہیں بناتے، بلکہ اپنے اندر کی کمی ظاہر کر جاتے ہیں۔

بطورِ ماہرِ نفسیات، میں نے دیکھا ہے کہ یہ رویہ دراصل احساسِ کمتری، تنہائی اور اندرونی بھوک کا اظہار ہے۔
جو شخص اپنے اندر کے خالی پن کو بھر نہیں پاتا،
وہ دوسروں کو گرا کر خود کو بلند محسوس کرنے لگتا ہے۔
مگر زبان کا زہر، دل کی روشنی کو دھندلا دیتا ہے۔

قرآنِ مجید میں ارشاد ہے:

> "وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا"
"اور تم میں سے کوئی کسی کی غیبت نہ کرے۔" (الحجرات 49:12)

اور نبی ﷺ نے فرمایا:

> “جو اللہ اور آخرت پر ایمان رکھتا ہے، وہ یا تو بھلائی کی بات کرے یا خاموش رہے۔” (بخاری)
✨ دعا:
اللہ ہمیں اور ہماری نسلوں کو غیبت، حسد اور خود پسندی جیسے گناہوں سے پاک رکھے،
اور ہمیں وہ زبان عطا کرے جو صرف خیر، محبت اور دعا کے لیے کھلے۔
آمین 🤲

23/02/2024

کامیاب ازدواجی زندگی کے رہنما اصول
۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

ایک دانا شخص نے شادی کے بعد اپنی زوجہ سے کہا کہ اگر ہم چاہتے ہیں کہ ہم ایک کامیاب اور خوشگوار ازدواجی زندگی گزاریں تو ہمیں ان 4 اصولوں کو سختی سے اپنانا ہو گا:

1۔ لوگوں کے سامنے میں کسی معاملے میں، مَیں جو بھی بات کروں، تم میری مخالفت نہیں کرو گی۔ ہاں بند کمرے میں تم مجھ سے اختلاف کرو، بحث مباحثہ کرو، غصہ نکالو، جو چاہو کرو، مجھے کوئی اعتراض نہیں ہو گا۔ اور اگر تمہارا مؤقف درست ہوا تو بعد میں مجھے دوسروں کے سامنے اپنا موقف تبدیل کرنے میں کوئی شرمندگی نہیں ہو گی۔

2۔ میرے سوا کوئی بھی، تمہیں کسی بھی کام پر مجبور نہیں کر سکتا۔ اگر تم کسی کام سے انکار کرنا چاہو تو بے دھڑک یہ کہہ دو کہ میرے شوہر نے مجھے اس کام سے منع کیا ہے۔ اور میں بعد میں تمہاری تائید کروں گا کہ ہاں میں نے منع کیا ہے (خواہ پہلے نہ بھی کیا ہو)۔ کیونکہ میرا کام ہے پوری دنیا کے مقابلے میں تمہارا دفاع اور تمہاری حفاظت کرنا۔
(یہ اصول خصوصاً سسرالی رشتے داروں کے ناجائز مطالبات کے معاملے میں بہت مؤثر ہے۔ اور چونکہ شوہر غیر مشروط اجازت دے چکا ہے، لہذٰا یہ جھوٹ میں نہیں آتا)

3۔ ہمیں کسی بھی صورت میں بچوں کے سامنے بحث مباحثے یا لڑائی جھگڑے سے اجتناب کرنا ہو گا

4۔ بچوں کو چھپنے کیلئے کوئی پناہ گاہ نہیں ملنی چاہیے۔ مطلب یہ کہ گھر کے سربراہ کے طور پر میں جو بھی فیصلہ کروں، بچوں کو ماننا ہو گا۔ یہ نہ ہو کہ میرے فیصلے کے بعد وہ ماں کے پاس جائیں اور وہ انہیں میرے خلاف اجازت دے دے۔ بچوں کو پتا ہونا چاہیے کہ ہر معاملے میں ہمارے ماں باپ ایک ہی پیج پر ہیں

کتنی خوبصورت اور فطری ہے نا یہ "پیٹری آرکی"؟

06/12/2023

I have reached 2.5K followers! Thank you for your continued support. I could not have done it without each of you. 🙏🤗🎉

03/10/2023

THINGS THAT CAUSE REGRET AT OLD AGE

When younger we make various choice's without the future in mind. Sometimes those choices bite us in our mid-life. These are some of the things one might regret when they're older.

1. Marrying the wrong person

When you're young, check your motives for marrying. Don't marry to copy your peers, or for social standing or out of pressure. Marry for love and companionship, marry the right person, marry your best friend. For if you marry the wrong person or for the wrong reasons, you will have to put up with that person the rest of your life. Things might get worse between you two; then depression, physical abuse, affairs, pain, shame, court cases, bitterness will define your mid-life years all because you chose the wrong one. Things will get worse when children are involved. Make the right choice of a spouse when you are young.

2. The opportunities you did not seize

When you are younger many doors will open, you will get many chances. Many young people let these opportunities go because of fear, laziness, or pride; yet well younger and with more energy is the best time to start a venture and a name for yourself. Some think the opportunities are too big for them. Take advantage of them or one day when you're older you will want to go back and grab those missed chances.

3. The bridges you burned

When we are younger, we care little for relationships, what most think about is getting money and moving up the ladder of success at all cost. Many use and trample on people to progress, they take relationships for granted, messing up bonds, sleeping with people for personal gain. But these bad actions will catch up with you ahead. When you will realize how empty life is without love and friends. When you will have success but no one around you or no one to trust you.

4.The child you aborted

You are a young lady, you get pregnant and you are scared. You take the aborting option quickly thinking of that moment then. But when you are much older, you will look back and wish you kept that baby. When you will be rich and successful you will wish that child you gave up on would be around to enjoy the fruits of your hard work. Being a single mother doesn't mean you can't make it in life or you can't find a man in future.

5. The child you rejected

Young man, you impregnated a woman, she told you she's pregnant with your child. You rejected her and the baby and ran. But years later when you're 50 something, you will wish you were responsible, you will wish you manned up and became a father to that child. You will see that child excel and become an adult but will have no claim to that grown child who you rejected from the beginning. You will regret being a Dead Beat Dad by choice

6. The marriage you destroyed

So you get married to your good fiance; the first months in marriage were good but shortly after, with your money and charm, you started having affairs. You became unfaithful. Your spouse begged you to stop, your children started hurting, your marriage was collapsing. One day when you are older, it will hit you how foolish you were to destroy the good marriage you had began to build for mere temporary thrills in affairs that did you no good. You will realize the damage you caused to your children and spouse.

7. The God you disowned

When you are much older you become wiser, God becomes more real as you see life in a more meaningful way. But don't wait to get older to start enjoying a relationship with God. Know God when you are young, build your future with God. Don't be a young rebel who runs back to God when age catches up.

8. The body you messed up

You have only one body to live with all your life. The ci******es, the alcohol you are abusing, the drugs you are taking, the unhealthy food you're consuming; all that will destroy you slowly. When you are 50 and lifestyle diseases catch up with you, you will wish you took care of your body when younger, that you exercised more; but now the damage is done.

9. The time you wasted

The time you are wasting when younger in worry, wrong relationships, laziness, being a couch potato, giving excuses and pursuing meaningless things; you will never get it back.

10. The dreams and talents you shelved

Are you talented when young; are there things you love to do and you are good at them? Nurture those talents, exploit them, don't give up even if you encounter set backs, don't give up on your dreams. If you give up, when you're older you will look at your peers who stuck to what they love and made it and think to yourself, "That could have been me". Pursue a career, study a course you love. Don't waste years of your life in a field that doesn't fulfill you.

11 The name you defamed

When you are older, a legacy is very important, the value of your name is crucial. You will ask yourself what is your reputation, what are you leaving behind? Your legacy is a sum total of your actions since youthful days. We write our biography by how we live life everyday. When you look back your path and you see the mud you threw at your own name, the shame you attracted and the little value you have added to the world; you will regret.

12. The wealth you threw away

Are you riding on good money during your productive years? Earning good money? Don't throw away that money in clubs, reckless living and wasteful shopping. Invest with that money, widen your revenue stream, make that money work for you and keep it safe to take care of you in your older years. Leave an inheritance for your loved ones so that you will never say "I wish I knew better"

13. The good love that got away

Is there that great person in your life loving you good? Don't push that person away, or else that person will walk out your life and you will never ever find someone that incredible and who connects with you all your life. It will torment you to grow older with thoughts of "What if I was still with that person?"

14 The parents you despised

When younger, it is easy to show contempt to your parents; what do your parent's know? They are old-fashioned, shady and small -minded. But your parents are still your parents whether you agree with them or not, whatever their style. Don't let your parent die or age separated from you, reconcile and make up. When you get older, you will realize why your parents wanted to be close to you. The older you get, the more you see the value.
Thanks for reading

To realize
The value of a sister or brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

Remain blessed.

03/10/2023

*‘Crab Mentality’*

There once was a man who sat on a fishing dock and observed how a bunch of live crabs, in a bucket, behaved.

While all of them squirmed at the bottom, every now and then, one crab would crawl up the side in an effort to reach the top and escape. But each time it made its way closer to the rim, a crab from below would reach up and pull it back down. Then, another crab would climb upward, and again, one crab from the bottom would tug it back down.

A crab placed alone in a bucket will easily climb out and escape, but when you place it with a few of its mates, this interesting phenomenon occurs: One at a time, as the crabs try to escape, other crabs will pull them back down to their misery and the group’s collective demise.

In psychology, this behaviour became known as “The Crab Effect,” or “The Crab Mentality,” as a way to illustrate the selfish, harmful, and jealous mindset of some members in a group, who will try to undermine and halt the progress of the other better-performing members in the group.

In short, people who fall into this crab effect, carry this mantra with them: “If I can’t have it, neither can you.” And that’s why sometimes, without realizing it, our environment can be holding us back from moving forward in the direction that we wish.

In a way, that’s why, in Atomic Habits, James Clear wrote: “Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human behaviour.”

Is Your Environment Holding You Back?
Do you ever feel like people in your life are holding you back?
Do you ever feel like you’re that crab in the bucket, trying to escape, only to be pulled back down by those around you? Like you’re a victim of this Crab Mentality?

This jealous nature of thinking is illustrated by what Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck termed “The Fixed Mindset.”

People with a fixed mindset believe that their character, intelligence, and creative qualities are fixed and cannot be improved. That’s why they have the tendency to avoid challenges, give up easily, render effort useless, ignore feedback, and feel threatened by the success of others.

So instead of doing challenging work and advancing themselves forward, they’re naturally playing small and pulling others down as a means of “staying on top.”

The Crab Mentality thrives on the fixed mindset that was described above, but this mindset is also an extension of what Stephen Covey described in his book, 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,' as the 'scarcity mindset':

“People with a scarcity mentality tend to see everything in terms of win-lose. There is only so much; and if someone else has it, that means there will be less for me.”

It’s a mindset we cultivate from our environment and one that is built on the assumption that if someone else becomes successful, this would somehow mean that we can no longer reach higher levels of success anymore.

And this kind of thinking will suck the joy out of your life: You’ll perceive your peers as competitors rather than people you can collaborate with and learn from.

You’ll work from a place of fear, emptiness, and insecurity rather than a place of self-worth and confidence.

You’ll narrow-down your vision and so you’ll only see the one small piece of the pie, not the entirety of it.

A broader and more empathetic, ego-less perspective, is what Stephen Covey describes as the 'Abundant Mindset': “The more we develop an abundance mentality, the more we are genuinely happy for the successes, well-being, achievements, recognition, and good fortune of other people.
We believe their success adds to - rather than detracts from - our lives.”

But here’s what you and I need to realize:

'Sometimes, we’re the victims of the crab effect, and sometimes we’re the instigators of it. Sometimes, you’re the one being pulled down, and sometimes you’re the one doing the pulling.

*Moral:*

*Adopt an ‘Abundant Mindset’ and Stay Blessed Forever.*

27/09/2023

یقین کیجئے ہر مسلہ نفسیاتی ،شخصی اور ہیجانی نہیں
ہوتا ۔
کچھ مسائل درحقیقت تربیت میں بنیادی کمی ،دین کی نا سمجھی کا اثر ہوتے ہیں۔
اپنے حال ہر رحم کیجئے اپ جس بھی دین، مسلک سے ہیں اس پر اتنا عبور ضرور حاصل کریں کہ خدا اور اسکی مخلوق کو شرمندگی نا ہو آپکے اشرف المخلوقات ہونے پہ۔
دنیا اور اخرت جسم اور روح کیطرح لازم و ملزوم ہیں
مسز عظیم سلطان میر

24/09/2023

24/07/2023

تھرپی اینڈ فالواپ
جب کلاٹنٹس فالو ائپ میں رہیتے ہیں وہ مسلسل اپکی ( تھراپسٹ ) کی انرجی اوراء میں محفوظ رہیتے ہیں ۔

ایسے کلائنٹس صرف مشکل وقت،اور اسی ذہنی ،جذباتی اور شخصی کیفیات کی مشکل کا انتظار نہیں کرتے کہ ہم شکار بنیں رو تھراپسٹ کہ پاس جاہیں ۔

جیسے تھراپسٹ پروفیشنلی پابند ہوتا ہے اگر ایسے ہی کلائنٹس بھی پروفشنل تعلق کو بحال رکھیں تو نفسیاتی ،ہیجانی،جذباتی اور شخصی مسائل اپکو،اپکے پیاروں اور ماحول کو ہرا بھرا رکھتے ہیں ۔

یاد رکھیں ،تھراپی می۔ صرف ذمہ داری اپکے سائیکالوجسٹ کی ہی نہیں ہوت،اپکو بھی اپنی ذمہ داری میں حصہ ڈالنا ہو گا۔

مس طوبی منظور کہ، ریفر کردہ کلائنٹ کا قیمتی فالو اپ فیڈ بیک

09/07/2023

MS. Nabila Raheem
Clinical Psychologist

Ms. Nabila Raheem is a professional Clinical Psychologist (MS, RIU), certified Eidetic therapist and Hypnotherapist (NGH USA) and Diploma in Clinical Psychology. Her expertise follows her thesis on “Personality Traits and Emotional Intelligence in the Development of Leadership Styles in Male Adolescents”. She also did her B.ed in leadership and management. She has worked in lead positions in various national and international organizations since 2012.

Currently working at City Hospital wah cantt since 2014 as consultant Clinical psychologist.

Inbox for appointment

03/06/2023

03/06/2023