Cas - Caroline Delaney - Havening Techniques

18/04/2023

Stop trying to calm the storm,
Stop trying to change things you cannot change.
Stop trying to fix things that can’t be fixed .
Calm yourself,
Calm your mind
Take deep breaths and use a little Havening.
The storm will pass.

21/01/2022

Interesting article - 🥼 researchers at Nottingham Trent University looking into Havening. 🖐

Psychologists researching the impact of nurturing touch on dealing with traumatic memories are reminding people of the critical importance of connecting with yourself and others on National Hugging Day – Friday 21 January.

20/01/2022

So true ❤️

17/01/2022

Lots of people ask me what can Havening be used for, well, it can be used for many things here's just one example.

How Past Trauma Can Upend a Relationship. Randi Gunther Ph.D. cited in Psychology Today states;

💗Rediscovering Love

Many people have suffered emotional or physical trauma in their lives. Even when they have worked hard to heal those past heartaches, they will always be vulnerable to being triggered by an event that unearths those painful moments. Those experiences of emerging trauma are often unpredictable, but more likely to happen if traumatized people continue to pick partners who are similar in some ways to those who have caused those painful episodes in the past. Yet, familiarity is a strong seducer, and the positives of the relationships can easily mask what may eventually emerge.

But memories of previous traumas can surface in all relationships. Those reliving them feel as if they are happening in the present. They may mentally regress to the age they were when the trauma occurred. From that more powerless perspective, they are more likely to feel the original fear, immobilization, and hopelessness that happened during the original trauma.

Many traumas feel too humiliating and vulnerable for people to share with their partners, especially if they were made to feel they deserved what happened to them. As a result, they cannot ask for the help they need from their partners. If they have never shared their past pain or what caused it, their partners may feel defensive and not be able to understand that it may have nothing to do with them.

Unexplored and untreated, recurring traumas can destroy even the best of relationships. Fortunately, there are ways to heal these interactions, if both partners are willing to participate.
Gunther suggests 8 steps to help identify emerging trauma and how partners can work together to transform it:

✔ If your trauma is not being triggered, you will have typical interactions with your partner. If, all of a sudden, you have an emotional reaction that is intense, unpredictable, and fear-based, you may consciously or unconsciously be experiencing emerging trauma. Pay attention to any emotional, physical, sexual, or intellectual thoughts or feelings that are surfacing at an intense rate and focused at your partner. These feelings are signalling to you that something is going on that feels out of your control. You suddenly don’t trust your partner and feel the need to protect yourself. You may begin crying, yelling, or wanting to run away.

✔ Ask your partner to give you a minute to reflect. How old do you feel? Try to remember anything that was happening at that age. Who or what could have hurt you, and how? Was there anyone who tried to help you? Was the experience a one-time event or repeated? Were you blamed, made to feel guilty, told to never tell anyone, or felt shamed by your participation? Have these thoughts and feelings emerged in other relationships?

✔ What did your partner say or do that might have triggered your trauma? It can be a facial expression, a certain verbal sound, a threatening posture. Did it feel intentional or accidental? Did those behaviours feel threatening in any way? Do you feel you are responding to someone who is also in the room or who your partner reminds you of? Have you experienced these painful, unpredictable, and intense eruptions in other relationships?

✔ Try hard to think about the ways your current partner is different from the demon in the room that you think is him or her. Have you trusted your partner in the past? In other situations, but can’t right now?

✔ Once you are aware that your reactions are out of proportion to the crisis at hand, admit to your partner that you are aware that something deeper is happening to you and you need to be still to try to understand what is driving you to atypically intense and painful behaviour. If he or she has begun reacting defensively or getting angry at what feels like unfair treatment, ask for understanding and patience until you can separate your traumatic memories from what is happening in the moment.

✔ If you are able to remember what happened, can you trust your partner enough to share what happened to you or, at least, tell him or her that something terrible did happen and you are reacting as if it is happening again? This is a critical question and a crucial moment. Unless you trust your partner to be supportive and consoling, it might not be the right time to reveal your trauma.

✔ Try to ask for what you need from your partner, if you can. Sometimes, just being held and safe in those moments will calm you down and help you begin to heal, as you ask your partner to be the person whom you needed to care for you at the time of the original trauma. If he or she cannot do that for you, just tell him or her you need to be by yourself for a while and then reach out to someone in your life who can. Don’t allow yourself to bury the trauma again.

✔ Recognize that your resurfacing trauma is a signal that you have not adequately healed from it, nor understood how it has interfered with your ability to trust or heal in your intimate relationships. That pattern is likely to repeat itself in subsequent relationships, especially if you pick similar partners. If your partner is available, going to see a therapist trained in trauma together can bring you closer and strengthen your bond.

❓ So, how can Havening Techniques ® help?

Havening, relies on "amygdala depotentiation" (biochemistry) that purportedly can help people with psychological problems, particularly those related to phobias, post-traumatic stress and anxiety. “Havening, the transitive verb of the word haven, means to put into a safe place.” "Havening Touch" is claimed to elicit delta brain waves and to act directly on receptors in the brain where trauma is believed to be stored, to down regulate the emotional charge, mostly while the client is distracted. This means the client does not have to stay in, or talk about, upsetting events or feelings. (cited in Wikipedia ~ Havening).

Havening touch can help boost the production of serotonin in your brain. This, in turn, helps you relax and detach from an upsetting memory or experience. The release of serotonin is said to have a soothing effect that helps relieve mental health symptoms and keep painful memories from troubling you further.


®
# healingvibes

06/01/2022

Love Paul, one of our Havening techniques ambassadors. He demonstrates so well the Havening touch and things we can change in our lives.

08/12/2021

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that; I have to do this before I can do that, or whilst waiting for everything to be perfect before you start something new. But at the end of the day, how true is this, ~ just let go..

She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analise whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…
There’s only one Guru ~ you.
―Rev. Safire Rose

WILD WOMAN SISTERHOOD

11/11/2021

®️





Havening Techniques

07/09/2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJYD8VVilIE
How do you know when you’re wrong? ❌
💁‍♀️
We all have opinions about how things work, about the world around us, about your beliefs, our choices, our actions, our behaviour, our likes and dislikes. We also, have opinions about other people and, just like for ourselves, for their behaviour, their actions and choices and so forth. But, there is never just one truth. We all see the world (and ourselves in it) through our perspective. We see it through our eyes, with everything filtered through our opinions. And since it is our own opinions, we are talking about, we believe it to be all true and correct. If we didn’t, we would change our opinion and look at things differently. In other words, we believe we are right.
💁‍♂️
Italian novelist Luigi Pirandello wrote a book about 100 years ago called “One, no one and one hundred thousand.”. The book focuses on the concept that the image we have of ourselves is unique only to ourselves, and every single other person we have any level of interaction and relationship with, perceives a different version of us. In essence, we have an equal number of “versions” of ourselves as the number of people we meet in our lives, including ourselves. They all see a different “you” for yourself. And you also see a different you for yourself. This means that they all perceive a different version of the truth regarding your personality, choices and behaviour, and of course they swear by it, since -to them- it’s obvious and in plain sight. However, it is different than what you believe for yourself to be true and right.

At this point, if we combine all three thoughts, we end up with:
– Everyone has an opinion about themselves.
– Everyone believes their opinion to be the correct one.
– Everyone has a different opinion.
Of course, there are many situations where there are more than one valid truths, but I want to focus on situations when that is not the case. I want to focus on situations where one is right and one is wrong. So, in those situations, HOW THE HECK can the previous three statements all coexist???
🙅‍♀️
Take this predicament to the most important (in my opinion, at least) application in life. Relationships. Who is right? Who is wrong? And how can you know if you are wrong or not? How can you know if the other person is wrong or not? It’s not at all easy to change one’s opinion. When an idea or a belief enters your mind, it is *very* hard to change it. Do you come to a mutual agreement? Do you agree to disagree? Then again, that means one of the two is compromising, i.e. suppressing what they truly want and believe, and that never leads to anything good. Especially when we are talking about our own behaviours, our choices in life, what is good and what is bad, what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, what is appropriate and what is inappropriate, it’s hard to be convinced that we are wrong. So how do you know when you’re wrong?
🤦
You certainly have to be, some times. Not only is it impossible to be right all the time but you certainly wouldn’t want to be right all the time. If you are never wrong, or never believe to be wrong, you will never change. You will never evolve. You will never better yourself. You have to be wrong sometimes. Question is, when? And how do you see it?
🤦
And there you are, insisting on something that you bet your right arm is the way you say it is. You think you know. You know you are correct. “Surely I can’t be wrong about XYZ! I know me, I know what I want, I know what is ok and what isn’t. But how can it be that you see it completely differently? We are looking at the exact same thing!”. BOOM! Nuclear explosion. This unavoidable difference in perspective can harm a relationship between friends, family, lovers, colleagues, anything.
🕵️‍♀️
Difference in perspective - It’s not as if you do it on purpose. You wish you could see what is going wrong! At the end of the day, we only want to improve ourselves and our relationships. We want to be better people. But in order to correct our wrongs, we have to recognize them. And until that happens, we blame the other person. It’s always the other person. They did us wrong, they treated us unjustly, they were selfish, they were stubborn and closed minded. And that is ANNOYING! The relationship suffers simply because we cannot see when and if we are wrong. Especially if you reach the point of saying “F**k it, I’m out! I’m done trying to show the other person why I am right.”. THEY ARE SAYING THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU, YOU IDIOT! And yet… It’s nobody’s fault. We simply don’t always have the clarity and capacity to understand if we are wrong at something or not. So… being the selfish, strong, independent creatures that we are (because, you know… survival instinct kicks in), if you can’t find a solution, of course you will end up believing you are right. Otherwise, you will not survive that nuclear explosion. It is easier to believe we are right. It is more comfortable. Ignorance is bliss. Unless, if you are not the kind of person that settles for comfort. You want to know the truth about yourself and your choices, because if you don’t, it will eat you up from the inside.
🙅‍♀️
Then, the question stands. How do you know when you’re wrong? Before it’s too late…

Article originally written BY MENELAOS · PUBLISHED JUNE 29, 2018 · UPDATED JUNE 29, 2018 owhatnext.gr/how-do-you-know-when-youre-wrong/.