SZTherapy

03/02/2026

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03/01/2026

02/28/2026

02/26/2026

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02/22/2026

"Obey your leaders and submit to them." — Hebrews 13:17

This verse has been used to tell women they cannot leave an abusive husband unless their pastor and elders agree. But what if it's being completely misread?

Too often women who are desperate to leave are stuck — because a pastor who deeply feels for them will still quote a Bible verse that seems to say they should stay.

We want to be a church where women don't feel they need a pastor's permission to protect themselves or their children. So let's look at what this passage actually says--and I'm going to use Dr. Steven Tracy's arguments from his book To Heal or Harm.

He points out that the Greek word for "leaders" in Hebrews 13:17 carries the meaning of guiding — not commanding.

As he writes in To Heal or Harm: "Church leaders influence (lead, guide) their congregations through the example of their godly lives and faithful teaching of Scripture. This is very different from the power-based authority model many espouse."

The surrounding verses — including "Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever" — actually limit a leader's power.

Leaders only have authority insofar as they point people to Jesus. Dr. Tracy shows that the verbs in this passage are not about anyone exercising power, but about yielding to leaders when they are in Christ.

Dr. Tracy invites us to step back and look at how Jesus, Paul, and the apostles actually led. Was it about power and control? Never.

As he writes: "Paul, who had apostolic authority...rarely used his apostolic authority to compel obedience...Paul repeatedly appealed to his own exemplary lifestyle and his love for them...He graciously sought to persuade by appealing, not demanding... Modern pastors should follow Paul's example."

The bottom line, as he makes clear: you don't have to blindly obey church leaders!

They should be guiding you further into Christ — not weaponizing Scripture through power and control. That's how a real follower of Jesus who is leading the flock would act.

Dr. Steven Tracy handles all kinds of weaponized passages like this in his new book To Heal or Harm: Scripture's Use as Poison or Medicine for Abuse Survivors — giving us a blueprint for interpreting hard passages

It's written for people in churches where the Bible is the final authority. This book shows that you can't use the Bible say women they must stay in abuse!

02/22/2026

👏🏼

02/17/2026

If you speak from a pulpit, or love someone who does.. please kindly send this to them to chew on. 🙏🏼

Just within the last month I’ve had about half a dozen newcomers to therapy who are throughly confused …and worse, hurt, by bad church advice on their situation.

Unfortunately, this leaves folks disentangling man-made hurt from (mostly unintended) church related hurt.

Churches, we can do better.

I expect Christian clients to feel like their churches are comforts and respites from any kind of abusive situations. Unfortunately, it’s become necessary to speak on how wild an expectation this has become. I’m joining that convo because I see it every day in my practice.

🗣️The ONLY answer for victims of abuse about God’s design for relationship should be His perfect spousal example of safety, according to the abundance of the Fruits of the Spirit. It is dangerous to miscontextualize submission, sacrifice & selflessness to the point of psychological/emotional/sexual/spiritual/physical death of the believing and obedient partner.

Most people in abusive marriages don't know it for years, but they're seeking help in the meantime. You have to assume some of your readers will be abused.

02/11/2026

🌱✨ Healing from Toxic Relationships: Your Journey Towards True Self ✨🌱
Did you know that many of us develop a “provisional personality” shaped by our upbringing? This patterned way of navigating the world often emerges as a response to unhealthy dynamics and adverse experiences in childhood. While it helps us survive, it’s not who we truly are.
💔 Toxic and dysfunctional relationships can leave deep scars, but the great news is: healing is possible. By recognizing these patterns and taking steps to understand our true, God-designed selves, we can break free from the chains that hold us back.
Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Surround yourself with supportive people and don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Your past does not have to dictate your future! Let’s take steps together towards reclaiming our identities and nurturing our souls. 🌟❤️
YouAreNotAlone

02/10/2026

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02/03/2026

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