07/08/2023
I’m officially single. My gf of 21 months decided to move on whilst I sat rotting in jail over a family dispute with her sisters baby daddy. We weren’t on the best or worst of terms, yet there was turmoil. I’d been verbal, mental & physically abuse and she just was never mentally, emotionally nor spiritually available for me from the jump.
There were a lot (so many) red flags that I ignored and allowed myself to make excuses for her. I loved her. Even when I fought myself and meandered over her flaws I still felt she could do no wrong. Even when I belittled her in hopes of reverse psychology that would hopefully motivate her, going to sleep at night on the couch - hoping she’d come out and say “hey let’s have a talk” or “please come to bed” she left me to my own devices.
This hurts and the pain is unbelievable and more so unbearable. I don’t want to live without her. I don’t want to go on knowing that I could’ve done better and didn’t and now she’s gone. I don’t wanna go on knowing I could’ve given up on her just as fast as she did me yet my loyalty and love refused to believe there was anything or anyone out there better for me or better suited for her.
This is the first post on this page. I know there are some men (and women) that are out there that will relate as well as benefit from my experiences and I want (need) to help. If I don’t vent to myself as I post this with 0 friends, followers I’m afraid I may hurt myself, her or someone else.
Our dog is depressed as well. She has suffered from the day I was carried away in that police cruiser and even more when she was relinquished back into my custody as I am homeless and destitute as well as destroyed inside not being able to fully love and be attentive to her physical mental and emotional needs.
I hope this suffering goes away soon. In the past I have been suicidal and homicidal and knew when I engaged into this relationship that I would not be able to withstand another gut wrenching heartbreak such as this…
Please I pray for Gods forgiveness and strength for myself and anyone else who could fathom even close the amount of pain and suffering I endure at this present & exact moment.
I hope someone reads this one day and realizes their own struggles stress strength & weakness and are able to become more aware of their surroundings.
God Bless You & thanks for reading…
With Love,
❤️🩹Tainted Heart ❤️🩹
