05/10/2021
19years ago the su***de of my brother exploded my internal processing and opened deeper trauma stuffed into my subconscious. Feeling disconnected, alone, and unable to cope I divorced my wife, quit a solid career as a Family Teacher at Boys Town in Omaha, NE, packed my truck and headed for solitude in the mountains. With my giant companion (Noah dog) I started a new life. As I returned to visit the quiet calm vibe in Crested Butte today (off-season) I couldn’t help but stroll down memory lane. My God, the past 20 years (okay the past 43 years) have given me multiple lives worth of experiences. As I stared at the mountains for the thousandth time, those lives seemed to layer upon each other in a sort of orchestrated way. Country life, city life, suburban life, mountain life, island life and all that they embodied seemed to be stitched together like a creative and tattered yet resilient quilt. Metaphorically, the quilt wrapped around me offering a very comforting peace.
As we enter continue this month, dedicated as mental awareness month, I want to offer this metaphor and encouragement for those of you who also carry a tattered and worn quilt of diverse beautiful and messy experiences. Our “quilts” are a record of life’s resilience living through us, not life’s disapproval wrapped suffocatingly around us. Our quilts are our strength not our noose. Believe in your experiences- your quilt if you will- and let go of comparing, judging, resisting, and undervaluing the woven fibers of life that currently make up your existence. Wrap your quilt around yourself and recognize with out every single experience, regardless of how terrific or traumatic it’s perceived, was given as a gift to guide, to teach, and to connect us to the collective fabric that makes up all life. Even when you feel alone, hopeless, scared, or empty close your eyes, take just one slow deep breath receiving awarness that life values you enough to connect you to millions of others feeling exactly the same way at that exact moment. You are part of the collective life, embrace it. Choose to wake up and if needed recklessly abandon deaths disguises so you can discover life’s undeniable grip. Believe in yourself, let go, and see what happens.