Kerry McAvoy, PhD

Kerry McAvoy, PhD Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Advocate

->Join me LIVE Tuesdays @ 4:00 PM CT

This content is for educational purposes only and is not therapy or medical advice

02/28/2026

When it comes to post-separation abuse, you can’t out-explain someone who feels betrayed by your freedom.

If you’re still trying to be the cooperative ex…
The fair one.
The reasonable one.
The one who clarifies, explains, and defends your character…

You’re playing the wrong role.

Post-separation conflict isn’t solved with better communication.
It’s solved with better containment.

Shift your stance.

Become:
• The Structured Parent.
• The Documentarian.
• The Boring Responder.

Increase structure.
Put everything in writing.
Create clear procedures.
Use pre-written scripts when you’re triggered.

And stop defending yourself.

No JADE:
No Justifying.
No Arguing.
No Defending.
No Explaining.

Two sentences max.
No emotion.
Logistics only.

You are not here to win the narrative.
You are here to reduce access.

That’s where peace begins.





02/27/2026

You thought leaving would calm things down.

Instead… it got worse.

Here’s why.

The person who was conflictual, emotionally immature, uncooperative — the one who barely invested in the relationship — often experiences your separation as betrayal.

Not grief.
Not loss.
Betrayal.

Because they felt entitled to your labor.
Your regulation.
Your peace of mind.
Your mental bandwidth.

And when you leave, they don’t see it as a collaborative breakdown.

They see it as:
“How dare you.”

So the punishment phase begins.

• Endless fights.
• Legal abuse meant to drain you financially.
• Motions. Continuances. Narrative control.
• Using the children to spy, send messages, disrupt stability.
• Withholding money. Hiding income. Financial sabotage.

This isn’t heartbreak.

It’s retaliation.

And if you don’t understand that shift, you’ll keep responding like it’s a relationship problem… instead of a containment problem.

Part 3 is about how to change your stance so this stops destabilizing you.





Have you noticed that with narcissists its always something? How they seem to attract drama or chaos? Why they consisten...
02/26/2026

Have you noticed that with narcissists its always something? How they seem to attract drama or chaos? Why they consistently stir up conflict? It has to do with their weird relationship with attention.

02/26/2026

I thought leaving was the end.

It wasn’t.
It was Act Two.

While I was in it, I knew it was troubled — cheating, betrayal, chaos. I thought I understood abuse. I work with it. I’d survived it before.

But I didn’t realize I had stepped into a psychological horror story.

I thought I was helping. Stabilizing. Loving someone through their pain.
I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to them.

What I didn’t understand?

They weren’t looking for a partner.
They were looking for regulation.
For someone to prop them up.
For someone to absorb the impact.

An object. Not a person.

And here’s the part no one tells you…

Sometimes the abuse doesn’t calm down after you leave.
Sometimes it escalates.

That’s what I’ll talk about in Part 2.





02/24/2026

You finally did it. You left. And somehow—it's gotten worse.
The calls, the court filings, the smear campaigns, the chaos through the kids.

If you thought leaving would bring peace, what you're experiencing right now feels like a lie. And the question burning through everything is: Why is this happening?

What if leaving didn't end the abuse—it just changed its shape?

IN THIS LIVE STREAM YOU'LL LEARN:
1. Why leaving triggers escalation
2. The 5 access points they weaponize after you leave
3. How to make the important shift from relationship logic to power logic
4. The 5 traps survivors fall into that keep the cycle alive

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IF YOU ARE A RISK of immediate danger or abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

DISCLAIMER: All content and information on this website is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health advice. Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the area for your particular needs and circumstances before making any professional, legal, medical, financial, or tax-related decisions.
*****************************

Feeling stuck in a toxic or troubled relationship?

Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.

� Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/toxic-or-troubled-survey/

READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
• First Steps to Leaving online course – A step-by-step plan to safely and confidently leave a toxic partner: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club – Weekly group coaching, monthly book reads, access to past webinars, and Dr. McAvoy’s full online course: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/club/
• Group Programs– Healing Strong, Relationship Reset, and more: https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/

STAY CONNECTED & SUPPORTED
• Weekly “Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse” Substack newsletter – Insights, stories, and tools for your healing journey: https://breakingfreenarcabuse.substack.com/

FOLLOW DR. KERRY
- YouTube:
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• Email: hello@kerrymcavoyphd.com
• Website: https://www.breakingfreenarcissisticabuse.com/

READ MY STORY
“LOVE YOU MORE: The Harrowing Tale of Lies, S*x Addiction, & Double Cross”
Available now: https://amzn.to/3NVMBXO

ABOUT DR. KERRY McAVOY
Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., is a psychologist, author, and expert on cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding complex trauma. A survivor herself, her memoir “Love You More” offers an uncensored glimpse into the dynamics of narcissistic abuse.

02/23/2026

You thought you were trying to solve a problem. They were trying to win.

Post-separation abuse is often mislabeled as “high conflict.” But high conflict implies two people escalating. But that’s not what’s happening.

One person is trying to communicate while the other is trying to maintain power. You’re having a conversation about logistics, fairness, or your child. They’re having a conversation about control.

And when peace starts to emerge?
They disrupt it. Because equilibrium means they lose leverage.

This is why the fights feel ridiculous. Why the arguments never resolve. Why the court record tells a story no one seems to read correctly.

You are not crazy.

You were not in the same conversation.

👇 And if you want to increase your power in other areas of your life —
Get a free, up-to-date list of the best AI tools by commenting “AITools.”

Healing is a choiceTrauma shapes us in ways we often don’t choose, but healing offers a path to transformation we can em...
02/23/2026

Healing is a choice

Trauma shapes us in ways we often don’t choose, but healing offers a path to transformation we can embrace. 🌱 Every step toward recovery is a testament to our strength and resilience. Let’s choose change together—one day, one moment at a time. Are you ready to take that step?

Are you getting this wrong about gaslighting?It’s not just telling a lie—its the twisting of another person’s reality an...
02/20/2026

Are you getting this wrong about gaslighting?

It’s not just telling a lie—its the twisting of another person’s reality and then attacking or insulting them for their opinion, experience, or feelings.

Thanks to Dr. Ramani for her thoughts on this topic.

02/20/2026

Most people don’t understand narcissistic relationships because they’re judging them by healthy relationship standards.

But these relationships operate by different rules.

You’re not just “arguing.”
You’re managing someone else’s nervous system.
You’re preventing fallout.
You’re walking on landmines that keep moving.

And from the outside? It looks confusing.
Or dramatic.
Or mutual.

It’s not.

If this feels familiar, I created a free mini-course to help you determine whether your relationship is toxic or troubled — and what that actually means.

Comment RULES and I’ll send it to you privately.





02/19/2026

If the world still feels dangerous after abuse, that doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means your nervous system is still protecting you.

Hypervigilance is brilliant for survival.
But it is not the same as healing.

When your body stays braced, your brain keeps scanning for threat.
And when you’re always scanning, the world will always look dangerous.

That’s not awareness.
That’s survival mode.

Healing isn’t just insight.
It’s your nervous system learning that you are safe now.

And until the body stands down, the world won’t feel different — even if your circumstances are.

You deserve more than surviving.
You deserve to live without bracing. Get daily help with an AI-powered coaching app built by Dr. Kerry - check out ReclaimYou app (Find in the Studio.com store: available for Android, IOS, and computers).





02/17/2026

We’ve watched enough movies where the narcissist is the fascinating one.

Charming.
Brilliant.
Dangerous.

And somehow the survivor becomes “naïve.”
Or worse — responsible.

This film refuses to do that.

It shows the part people don’t understand:
How someone smart, capable, and grounded can fall in love.
How the beginning feels safe.
How trust is built.
How dependency is engineered.

The problem isn’t that survivors “should have known.”

The problem is that narcissistic abuse is designed to bond you before it breaks you.

For once, the survivor is the protagonist.

Be one of the first to see this incredible movie - Join the ILYMN watch party!

Toxic people often will use your emotional intelligence to put you into a sadistic bind. They are using your self-awaren...
02/17/2026

Toxic people often will use your emotional intelligence to put you into a sadistic bind. They are using your self-awareness and emotional sensitivity to force you into betraying yourself.

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