Fitful Focus

05/01/2022

As we say hello to a new year, it's time for me to say goodbye to something else — my blog. fitfulfocus.com has been a huge part of my life for more than 10 years now 🤯. I've loved sharing workouts, allergy-friendly recipes, and healthy living tips with you all, but the time has come for me to hang up my proverbial hat....

https://fitfulfocus.com/time-to-say-goodbye/

After over 10 years of blog posts, product reviews, and adventures it's time to say a very bittersweet goodbye to fitfulfocus.com.

31/12/2021

I’d be lying if I said I was sad to see 2021 go.

This past year was filled with tears, anxiety, disappointment, loss, and depression.

As far as our fertility experience goes, this year included:
• Over 50 trips to see my reproductive endocrinologist
• 45 dates with Wanda
• 55+ blood draws
• 150+ hormone injections
• 6 different reproductive procedures

It also included a lot of loss:
• Losing our first and only pregnancy
• Losing everything I thought my journey to parenthood would be like
• Losing confidence, sanity, and hope
• And the biggest one of all… saying goodbye to my Mom

2021 has been beyond difficult — 365 days I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

That being said, this year was also filled with progress, growth, and more lessons than I ever thought I could learn. Throughout all the s**t, there were some slivers of beauty. Those include:

• Doing a lot of home DIY renovations I’m proud of
• Learning how to decorate cakes
• Joining the and support groups and meeting some of the most amazing women in the world
• Getting a new job
• Being reminded how much love I have in my life
• Discovering how supportive my husband is
• Discovering how strong I am

I'm constantly trying to remind myself that yes, this year was hard AF, but I’m still going. I’m not always my best self. I don’t always feel strong or capable or sane. I have more moments of self-pity and self-doubt than I care to admit to. But I’m still getting up every day. I’m still trying as hard as I can. I’m still hopeful that by this time next year, we’ll be a family of five.

I don’t have any resolutions other than to keep having hope and to keep moving forward.

So, 2022, I’m hopeful for you. Bring on the good.

05/12/2021

After 1 cancelled cycle, 7 blood draws, 14 days of stims and 51 shots
it's finally retrieval day!!!

I've got my pineapples at the ready and my gear on. Let's go get some eggs!

02/11/2021

"There's that word again. 'Heavy.' Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there something wrong with the Earth's gravitational pull?"

No Doc, there's just lots of heavy emotions, difficult obstacles, traumas, and waiting... so much waiting. But it was really nice to put all that aside and have a little fun for Halloween yesterday.

Still wish I could hop in our DeLorean and see what the future holds, but in the meantime I'll be trying really hard to enjoy any good the present gives me.

21/10/2021

Well... Our IUI didn't work.

Another negative test.

I had a feeling when our IVF cycle was switched to IUI this wouldn't work, but I tried to stay hopeful. I had hope that even though this cycle wasn't going as planned, the lifestyle changes I made since our misscarriage in June would make it work.

I switched to eating mostly organic.

I switched my prenatal.

I started a few other supplements to help with egg quality and blood flow.

I started going to acupuncture.

I found an amazing support group.

I cut out caffeine.

I ate Brazil nuts and drank pomegranate juice and bone broth daily (all things said to help support the uterine lining - which is what I need serious help with).

The biggest change for me was excercise. I stopped any form of high intensity exercise and heavy lifting. That meant no running. No challenging Peloton rides. No weights over 5 pounds. All of this in an effort to help support my uterus and not take any blood flow or necessary energy away from it.

Since July, I've been walking, lifting very lightly, and going on slow rides that keep my heart rate under 130.

Exercise has always been a stress reliever for me. (And before you start to think it, no, I've never over-exercised and no, running the few marathons I've run at a middle-of-the-pack pace didn't cause my infertility.) So not being able to excerise throughout this stressful time (and no, stress doesn't cause infertility) has been a struggle.

Now, all these changes feel useless.
All the shots, all appointments, all the hope...for what?

They just led to another negative. Another sad, disappointing, heartbreaking month.

As we wait to hear from our doctor on next steps, which I know will be attempting a retrieval cycle again, I'm just left hopeless. Infertility has completely changed my outlook on life. It's shattered everything I believe in. I want to have hope it will work, but having my hopes and dreams ripped out from under me month after month is just fu***ng hard.

I'm tired of working so hard for bad news. Aren't I overdue for something good?

F**k it, I'm going for a hard ass, sweaty ride on my Peloton. And then I'm going to drink some 🍷

17/09/2021

I’ve been debating writing this post for weeks, but… here it is.

At the end of 2020, Will & I found out we wouldn’t be able to have children naturally. I was heartbroken, but we took action & found a Reproductive Endocrinologist to help us figure out how we could still have a family.

We did loads of testing & decided to give IUI (Intrauterine Insemination – more or less a fancy term for the turkey baster method) a try. Will learned to give me hormone shots (freakout mode level 1000), & we went to the doctor almost daily to be monitored. After 7 months, 1 canceled attempt, & countless needle pricks, it worked!

The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the happiest days of my life. I called my parents, & the smile on my mom’s face, something I hadn’t seen in months, filled me with joy.

We went to the doc & heard a heartbeat, the best sound in the world.

Then one morning something didn’t feel right. I got up & walked around the house, trying to tell myself I was imagining it. But I wasn’t.

We rushed to the doctor. The heartbeat was barely there. Two days later it was completely gone. We only made it to 7 weeks.

Devastation would be an understatement. I completely broke down, & it took a LONG time to put myself back together. Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m all the way there yet. Between losing my mom & losing a child, a huge piece of me is gone, & it may never come back.

But 2 surgeries & millions of tears later, we’re ready to try again, this time with IVF. I’m trying to be optimistic about our future, but I’m also terrified.

Please know I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it because this process is incredibly, gut-wrenchingly lonely. Because no one talks about it. Because even though 1 in 8 women deal with infertility, when you’re the 1, you’re inevitably surrounded by 7 pregnant friends.

Talking with other Infertility Warriors has helped me so much, so, I’ve decided to talk about it – in hopes that I can pay it forward & help another 1 in 8 feel less alone throughout this terrible, emotional journey.

Please DM me if you’d like to talk, whether you are a 1 in 8 or perhaps are trying to support someone who is. I’m here.

06/09/2021

L'Shanah Tovah and Happy Labor Day.
Something sweet to ring in this double holiday and hopefully make this next year sweeter than the last.

🧁🇺🇸🧁🇺🇸🧁🇺🇸🧁🇺🇸🧁

Gluten free funfetti cupcakes with vanilla buttercream.

02/08/2021

Will you accept this sweat? The Bachelor Workout turns each episode into a sweat sesh, helping you get in a solid workout while you watch all the drama unfold.

The Bachelor Workout turns each episode into a sweat sesh, helping you get in a solid workout while you watch all the drama unfold.

01/08/2021

One pan meals = easy clean up = happy Nicole. It helps when the meal is tasty AF. Get the recipe for this simple paleo dinner:

Want to cook but don’t want the burden of cleaning up afterwards? Meet my paleo Sheet Pan Turkey Meatballs with Garlic Sweet Potato Noodles. Easy to make, easier to clean up.  This post is sponsored by NOW Foods.  I love being adventurous in the kitchen. Most of the time, my adventures lead to d...

31/07/2021

These super moist vegan and gluten free Chocolate Chip Chickpea Blondies will fool any desserts-can't-be-healthy naysayer. http://bit.ly/2AYgiCT

30/07/2021

Who's a green smoothie fan? Be sure to give this Green Monster Smoothie a whirl. http://bit.ly/2r7oADG

29/07/2021

Whether you're forced indoors due to weather or want some lower impact runs, the Runners Who Wine podcast has a ton of tips for how to make treadmill runs more fun. Tune in:

Whether you're forced indoors due to weather or want some lower impact runs, we've got a ton of tips for how to make treadmill runs more fun.