03/17/2026
The scariest part of dementia isn’t always memory loss—it’s losing the sense of being needed."
When someone we love is diagnosed, our first instinct is to protect them. We say, "Don’t worry about the cooking," or "I’ll handle the bills." We mean well, but "subtracting" these roles can make them feel pushed out of their own lives.
The most powerful shift we can make is Substitution instead of Subtraction.
When a task becomes too difficult, don’t just take it away. Find a way they can still contribute: If cooking is unsafe , ask them to wash the vegetables or set the table.
If money is too complex, let them sort coins or organize receipts.
If they can’t drive, ask them to be the "navigator" and help plan the route.
If they can’t clean, ask them to fold the towels or pair the socks.
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s purpose.
People living with dementia still need to feel useful, respected, and involved. When we focus on what they can do, we reduce the anxiety and withdrawal that comes from feeling sidelined.
Dementia changes abilities, but it never erases the human need for meaning. Let’s keep them at the heart of their own story.
Be kind.
