20/01/2022
On New Year's Eve day, my 17-year old daughter, my husband, and I planned to wake up at 6:00 a.m. to drive home from Washington DC to Boston. We collectively agreed that leaving early was our best hope of avoiding New York City traffic. My daughter, typically not interested in rising early, was motivated to make her dinner reservations in the city that night and party to follow, so she agreed to leave early in the morning, no problem. As soon as we started planning our trip home, my mother itch began…that itch that keeps me from keeping my mouth shut and minding my own business. “You know, I am not going to deny myself a p*e break because you might be late to dinner. I think you should text your friends and get real that you probably won’t make it to dinner. Don’t be that friend that is dodgy with plans.” My daughter wanted none of it, and responded with something I would say, “Mom, my dinner plans are in my bucket, not yours.” Damn. She was sassy and also so right. It was time to heed my own advice.
By “buckets,” she was referring to something my sister taught me that I use all the time in my house. It’s the idea that everything in life can be categorized into1 of 3 buckets.
*Bucket #1 is about your own business
*Bucket #2 is about other people’s business
*Bucket #3 is about “God’s” business (like the weather and other things out of your control)
My daughter’s management of her New Year’s Eve plans belonged in her bucket, not mine. Dinner in the city was her plan, not mine. Her communication with her friends was her responsibility, not mine. Putting her evening’s plans into my bucket caused me to feel stress and anticipated resentment that I might not be able to stop and p*e. By dipping into her bucket a few things went south. I treated her like she was incapable of managing her own plans and friendships, and I was a helicopter parent at that moment!
Consider something that is causing you to feel unsettled, stressed, or maybe a little anxious. Maybe that something does not belong in bucket #1?
