05/19/2025
The Quiet Kind of Anger
I used to think my quiet disappointment with God was just weariness. But lately, I realized—it was deeper. It was anger. Not the fist-shaking, dramatic kind… the slow-simmering, tear-stained kind. The kind that feels like silence. I shared a blog recently, “When Presence Matters More Than Platitudes.” I got a lot of responses and messages from it. So this is sort of a follow-up to it about spiritual bypassing and the road it leads us down.
The Pain Behind the Platitudes
As I said, I realized recently… I’ve been carrying some quiet anger toward God. Some may say, “What???? You can’t be mad at God!” But I don’t believe that. The Psalms are filled with expressions of various emotions, including anger and frustration, being directed towards God. Just look at David.
God knows we are hurt or angry at someone or Him, and I think he would rather hear it from us rather than for us to shove it down and pretend we don’t have those feelings. When we do the later, we heap more shame and guilt on ourselves.
Back to my story. It wasn’t the loud, shouting kind it was festering below. Have you ever been there?
When Faith Feels Like Denial
The kind that grows after years of praying for healing or restoration in certain areas… trying to hold it all together… and following every “Christian” tip I was given. I read all the books. Went to pastoral leaders and strong godly friends. All precious people, people I loved, but often the message was always the same.
“It’s all part of God’s plan.”
“Faith removes fear.”
“God always gives a clear sign.”
“Let go and let God.”
“Just pray harder and trust God.”
“Keep going and never give up.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“God will never give you more than you can handle.” (This one!! This one isn’t even biblical.)
These are just to name a few. I’m sure you could name many more. I know I can. Pretty sure I’ve heard them all and said them all to others. It grieves my heart too.
The Shame of Not Getting Better
Have you ever felt disillusioned with your faith because of the way you or other people handled your pain? I say this but also know I’ve done this to myself and others as well.
Somehow Scripture gets twisted and we try to temporarily prop people up but not fully hearing or being there with them in their pain and suffering. In a way we help them deny their own reality. Which completely invalidates one’s own experience and the situations you are going through and the things that were really happening.
We say call those things that be not as though they are… then say just believe sweetie. That right there is what kept me not fully trusting God with my own pain, suffering, and brokenness. I was just denying it. What pain? I’m fine, nothing to see here folks, move along folks lol 🤦♀️
Learning to Lament
As I kept going, more shame and guilt was heaped on me because what I was praying for and declaring, and believing for, in some cases just got worse. And those who I tried to bring along didn’t understand or handle my pain well. Making me feel as though what I’m doing is not enough or not right. This is just the raw honest truth. But more importantly I just kept denying my own feelings. Which if I had just gotten curious about what my emotions were speaking to me it could’ve drawn me closer to God in those moments. Again, He already knows. He’s not surprised.
So we cry out, do you not even see me, Lord? What’s wrong with me that you won’t help me? Maybe you’ve cried out to God like that too.
The Kindness of God in the Unraveling
Yes, we need to do life together and yes we are better together… this is where two things can be true… AND it’s important to share what’s going on in our lives and not gaslight ourselves or someone else. Emotions are fickle AND also, emotions are valuable information that can provide insights into ourselves, our environment, and our relationships. We need to dig deep and get curious about them. We have to feel them and move through them.
Ohhhh yes, I’ve misled others too, countless blogs I’ve wrote, gaslighting my own self, sharing words and scriptures to keep going… turn a blind eye to what’s really happening, never seeing it for what it was. For that, I pray those will forgive me. I didn’t know I was hurting you and me.
Yes, there is a place to call those things that be not as though they are AND there is also a place to honor the raw and honest pain and truth. Otherwise, we’re just trying to slap a “blessed and highly favored” sticker on a dumpster fire.
Coming Home to God
And so I did all the things. I worked on myself. I waited. I kept believing… I kept declaring. I kept denying what I was going through. Truth is, some things didn’t get better and it just left me bewildered. I felt lost.
For a while, I thought God let me down. But today I know it wasn’t Him. It was often words spoken or not spoken, feelings not felt, or not feeling seen or heard.
People don’t always see the full story. They see the put-together church face, not the ‘cried in the pantry with chocolate chips’ version of you. Spoiler alert: God sees both—and loves you in both. They don’t see loneliness. The silent disconnection. The deep ache of doing everything “right” and still feeling unseen and unsupported. And the constant pressure to perform spiritual perfection in the middle of it.
But today here’s what I know:
God didn’t fail me. He wasn’t the one who at times gave me false hope wrapped in religious rules. He wasn’t the one who told me to “fix it” by pretending. He wanted to fix it for me. Sometimes it’s my own fault and sometimes it’s well-meaning people—speaking from their own limited view, shaped by culture, not always Christ.
Rebuilding a Deeper Faith
Sweet friend, if you’ve ever confused people’s words, or advice for God’s voice—if you’ve ever felt like your faith was built on a script that no longer works—know this:
I. See. You. It’s not too late to rebuild something more honest. Something rooted in grace, not performance. Because He’s still here. Still holding you.
I heard this on a podcast the other day and I can’t remember where to give credit. They were quoting someone else too lol. So I’m paraphrasing here. Richard Rohr speaks about the stages of faith—how we first come to faith, then it becomes solid and structured, only to eventually unravel, and finally be reformed. She goes on to say “I may not get his wording exactly right, but the essence is that this reformation leads to a deeper, stronger faith than before. And I would say: yes—and more. Like a bird with a mended wing, my faith now is stronger, but it is not the same. It has changed. It’s broader now, more curious, more intimate. There’s a deeper assurance woven into it—that all will be well, and all manner of things will be well, even in the midst of mystery.”
A Holy Unraveling
Do you feel an unraveling? It’s a holy unraveling—a testimony that doesn’t skip over the ache but walks through it with raw reverence. Oh friend, I know I have. This last 2 years I swear has tried to take me out lol but this I know God has been with me every step of the way. I believe He allows things to happen to us and He will use them for our good.
We can feel broken and distant from God but He’s still there just waiting for us to cry out to Him. To feel the pain and suffering and allow it to do a perfect work in us… alongside God. So today I’m giving God everything. My emotions, my life, my broken tattered heart. I’m coming back. Not to more advice. But to God Himself. To His gentleness. To His truth. To His love. To His arms that never let go of me—even when I felt too numb to hold on.
A Prayer for the Unraveling
God, I bring you my tired faith. My silent questions. My aching heart. I confess where I’ve confused others’ voices with Yours. I surrender my need to hold it all together. Meet me here. In the mess. In the mystery. And rebuild me in grace. Amen.
If this resonates with you, know you’re not alone. Your unraveling isn’t the end—it might be the holy beginning. Keep showing up. Keep being honest. God can handle your truth—and He’s not letting go. Not now. Not ever.
Much love and grace,
Nicole🩷
