05/11/2024
This past Easter my boys and I made the trip home specifically to visit the cemetery. We parked on the edge of Miss Pearlās yard. Her great grandson Jordan met us there to see who had driven up. I imagine we caught him off guard. It was Easter Sunday and he didnāt know we were coming. But we told him who we were and why we were there and he gave us his best directions to where the gravesites were and into the woods we went. We wore our thickest boots and brought a shovel if we found anything other than a black snake.
In the south particularly, there are a lot of family graves that are back in the woods behind peopleās houses. If you let them know why you are there, most will allow you access without trouble.
When I was about 15, my father and I went graveyard hunting for his people across the state of Georgia. We drove up to peopleās trailer homes and houses and knocked on their doors and said the very same thingā¦.āweāre here to see the cemetery.ā They would point us in the direction and off we would go through the briars and the trees behind perfect strangerās homes. I donāt recommend doing this alone.
This day, my boys and I tromped through the woods stumbling over wisteria vines and roots, sinking into old tree stumps and looking out for snakes. We first found a creepy old trailer. Itās only resident, a vulture flew out of it. I guess he was startled to see us, but we were not startled to see him. Growing up in the south, you become accustomed to buzzards living old trailers in the woods. This was just another adventure. ļæ¼
We walked in circles for about 30 minutes. We were hot and tired of stepping in holes and getting caught on vines. I cannot bush whack like I used to. I had decided to quit and come back another day. On our way back towards the car, I caught a glimpse of the orange/red tapes that Mr. Bubba had put on those trees 20 or 30 years ago, marking the way for us back then. We followed them and they led us right to the cemetary. Mr. Bubbaās own funeral was just the day before. I cannot help but feel he was looking out for us and leading the way again.
I was hit with the same sense of awe and reverence that I remembered from the last time I was there. I had found myself unexpectedly in the place while out riding my horse. I had gotten turned around in the woods and lost my sense of direction. I had again, unexpectedly found myself there and I was overcome with the exact same sense when I saw the gravestones.
I knew immediately where I was. The stones stand between the trees, as if they shouldnāt be there. You feel as if you have stumbled into a magical secret. I cannot explain the feeling, but it makes you suck your breath in quickly, in almost a gasp.
I had the pleasure of having a conversation several months ago with Mr. Bubbaās great grandson, John Lawhorn. The largest stone in the cemetery marks the grave of his 3x great grandfather John Lawhorn 1835-1917. Years after I explored those woods on my horse, he and his brothers and cousins would hunt in them. He described to me the same experience and sense of awe of unexpectedly stumbling in to the cemetery.
I remember my mother Ann Joye, leading 8 year old me in an almost ceremonial walk into those woods. I remember her showing me those graves and saying almost sternly to impress upon me āAnn Marie, these are your people. This is where you come from.ā
My mother believed that John Lawhorn b.1835 was her extended cousin from her 3x great grandfather Littleton Crankfield. So when she said āthese are your peopleā she wasnāt talking about just the white side. I was raised knowing the Lawhorns were family but because of the unspoken rules of the rural south, we didnāt openly talk about it.
Nobody wanted to cause trouble on either side of the equation. I donāt know everything my mother knew about the specific topic of Johnās death and burial. When she was asked about it later in life, she said āleave it alone.ā
We are left scratching our heads trying to figure out who John Lawhorn belongs to and why my mother didnāt want to discuss it. What was the significance? Was it more than just her 3x grandfather having a biracial family? Whose apple cart was she trying not to upset?
Several months ago, I submitted a DNA sample to a commonly used ancestry website and it was compared to samples from others who are known direct descendants of John Lawhorn, b.1835. As of now, theirs have not matched with mine or my known relatives. I have been unable to find a common DNA link through any of his descendants to the Crankfield/Wilson line. However, the same descendants of John do have solid direct DNA links to the Lawhorn/Wilson branch of the family. This still does not tell us who his father was. There are several potential options that we know of so that question remains unanswered for now.
I did not expect to feel the weight of the legacy of my mother. I was struck with it as I said to my children āthese are your people, and this is where you come from.ā I carry that feeling with me as I look for a different John Lawhorn b 1840 and his sister Epsy b 1835. I believe them to be the descendants of my 4x grandfather Littleton Crankfield and an enslaved woman. Who was she? Most likely, it was not Rosetta. What happened to them? Where are they buried? Where are their descendants? How do they relate if at all, to the story of our cemetery and the ambiguity of its history?
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Happy Motherās Day to all the women who have shaped us to be who we are today. We are a product of their struggles and strengths. May our lives be a reflection back to honor them.