29/07/2023
Today marks one year since Ellie’s leukemia diagnosis. One year since we answered the phone and heard the word, “cancer.” One year since our lives were forever changed. One year since Ellie has been able to be a “normal” kid.
The past year has been filled with so many struggles, worries, days we didn’t know how we would survive, if Ellie would survive. Our whole world was put on pause so that we could focus on Ellie and be there by her side. Ellie, a two year old who had no idea what was happening. Who experienced so many things that no child, or person for that matter, should ever have to experience. We were forced to make decisions no parent should ever have to make, all while wondering if our decisions were ones Ellie would agree with as she gets older.
To say Ellie is a warrior is an understatement. While I was weak, she was strong. All of my strength came from her and I am still blown away every single day by how strong she proves to be. Her strength is the reason we are where we are now. Ten months out from her bone marrow transplant and no sign of leukemic cells returning. She is walking, talking, and playing again. This summer she has finally been able to be back out in the world with all of her friends and family. The moments I catch her doing “normal” kid things warms my heart and makes me weepy. I will never take these moments for granted as so many children who suffer from cancer don’t get these moments back. I keep telling myself: we are the lucky ones. Ellie made it through, when so many other families we met or shared stories with were not as fortunate. I have to remind myself of that on the hard days.
I wish I could say I was less worried today than I was a year ago, but it’s just not that simple. The fear of relapse, infections, side effects is still crippling. Every clinic visit, every blood test, every bone marrow biopsy causes an anxiety that only cancer families can understand. Will her labs be good? Will today be the day something comes up? What will her future hold? I hope as time goes on that some of these fears will quiet or become more distant, but right now it is still so fresh.
Thank you to Ellie’s Village, who has been by our side through it all. The texts, messages, phone calls, visits, donations, gifts to Ellie, home cooked meals, every generous act has meant so much to us. You all rallied around us when we needed you most, and we will never forget that.
Today, Ellie is happy and healthy. Today, we are winning the fight against leukemia. Today, we celebrate how far Ellie has come and today, I allow myself to take a breath and enjoy the moment.
