02/02/2026
Bad News:
It’s freezing every day.
Your front yard looks like Antarctica.
Good News:
Your name still hasn’t appeared in the Epstein files.
Bad News:
Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow.
So welcome to more of this frigid hellscape.
Good News:
Treadmill runs.
Hot showers.
And SORSOAP.
Bad News:
You’re out of SORSOAP.
Good News:
We’re fully stocked — and we’ve got you.
Use code PHILUP15 to save 15%
⏳ Expires tomorrow.