Eileen Martin, MSW, LCSW

10/22/2025

This 👇

10/07/2025

https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/51787/9-emotional-wounds-adult-children-simply-dont-realize-theyre-inflicting-on-their-parents/?fbclid=IwZnRzaANSd0BleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHm0d14-to_61oSneYyr1L0aViVRiUSgVQdNUr2-ZMY-yxoynEWCwSy_5wOtE_aem_UQQrkrmzJfsU9adHW99FAw

While much attention these days focuses on healing from childhood wounds, there’s an overlooked reality that unfolds daily in families everywhere: well-meaning adult children sometimes inflict deep emotional pain on their parents without recognizing the damage they’re causing. These wounds aren....

09/11/2025

Excellent blog post from my friend and colleague The Source for Survivors

“As a therapist and a survivor, it makes me cringe when I hear someone suggest couples counseling for a relationship in which abuse is present. I cringe not only because I know how unsafe it can be for the survivor, but also because it sends the wrong message: that the abuse is somehow a shared problem or that the survivor needs to ‘work on the relationship' alongside their abuser.”

“As a therapist and a survivor, it makes me cringe when I hear someone suggest couples counseling for a relationship in which abuse is present. I cringe not only because I know how unsafe it can be for the survivor, but also because it sends the wrong message: that the abuse is somehow a shared problem or that the survivor needs to ‘work on the relationship' alongside their abuser.”

Read more in today’s important new Pathway for Survivors Blog post, “Why Couples Therapy is Not Recommended When Abuse is Present in Relationships, and What to Consider Instead”: https://www.sourceforsurvivors.info/survivorsblog.

09/10/2025

Statement from our Executive Director, Dawn Dalton:

The DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence believes that intimate partner violence is a crime and more than a “little fight with the wife” as President Trump stated earlier today. Per federal and local statute, domestic violence is a crime and one that is not only a precursor to domestic violence homicides, but also a common factor in community violence, including mass shootings, where perpetrators often have a history of committing domestic violence.

47% of women and 43% of men in DC have experienced intimate partner physical violence, sexual violence and/or stalking in their lifetimes.

Women experiencing domestic violence are five times more likely to be killed by their abusers when their abuser has access to a gun. Over the past four years in nearly 60% of all domestic violence homicides in DC a gun was the weapon used to commit these homicides.

When nearly half of homeless families and over one in five unhoused single adults in DC report a history of domestic violence, it’s dangerous and dishonest for the Trump administration to claim that domestic violence doesn’t count as a crime in our city while ignoring the root causes—like abuse, trauma, and housing instability—doesn’t make communities safer. It punishes survivors for surviving.

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/09/the-one-crime-trump-doesnt-seem-to-have-a-problem-with-domestic-violence/

09/06/2025

The Aftermath of an Abuser's Smear Campaign

When an abuser wages a smear campaign against you, the impact runs deeper than reputation—it cuts into your sense of identity, belonging, and safety.

The aftermath often feels like this:

Fear. You may live with the dread of losing relationships, being disbelieved, or suffering further harm.

Confusion. You begin to question your own reality. Did I miss something? Am I who they say I am?

Betrayal. Trust shatters when the person you thought was safe becomes the source of harm.

Isolation. Fear of judgment or rejection can drive withdrawal, leaving you feeling unseen and unheard.

Shame. The attack becomes internalized, as if the wound itself is proof of unworthiness.

But here’s the truth: a smear campaign says far more about the abuser who chooses to inflict it than about the one targeted.

Healing means reclaiming your narrative, finding safe witnesses, and anchoring again in your inherent worth.

If you’ve walked through this kind of devastation, know this—you are not alone, and your story still belongs to you.

For survivors: Reach for safe, trustworthy support. Your healing doesn’t have to be carried alone.

For therapists: Be aware that smear campaigns are a common tactic of coercive control. Survivors may arrive in your office carrying not only trauma, but also the profound isolation of having been disbelieved.

09/04/2025

This needs to be said:

Red flags. Controlling the narrative. Smear campaigns.

I have experienced this firsthand, and I see it time and time again in my work with survivors. Please think twice before “liking” or sharing a disparaging post about someone else. It is a one-sided smear campaign, and your engagement can unintentionally contribute to revictimization.

Abusers often try to control the narrative after a relationship ends. A clear red flag is when someone speaks poorly about their ex—either overtly or through vague, “anonymous” posts. This tactic shifts attention away from their own behavior and paints them as the victim.

Healthy individuals typically focus on accountability, growth, and healing—not on tearing down a former partner. When you hear someone disparaging an ex, pause and ask yourself: Why the need to harm someone they once claimed to love?

Smear campaigns and narrative control are not healing. They are common tactics of emotional abuse.

Survivors: your truth remains yours. Their words cannot erase it.

08/23/2025

08/07/2025

A poem I wrote while processing the painful realization that someone I loved was never who I believed them to be. This is not about any one person—it’s about the pattern of narcissistic abuse and the grief that comes with waking up to it. Can you relate?

Narcissism

He is empty of my reflection,
void.
Once a reflection of my own making,
steady. kind.

Now replaced by a reality slap
that vibrates through my body
like a cruel joke.

His words strike like a guillotine,
with no remorse.

There is no turning back.
He is unmasked.
Eyes black and emotionless.

My rose-colored glasses
have been cleared
by my tears.

08/05/2025

Do you feel invisible in a relationship? We often over explain in hopes they will understand but that can leave us feeling more isolated. With practice, we can honor our own experiences and validate our own pain. You deserve to be valued in a relationship.

No One Told Me: The Quiet Art of Being Ignored

He said, “No one told me.”
But the truth is, I did.
I told him. I always told him. He just never listened.

This is what covert emotional neglect looks like — not yelling, not chaos, but being slowly erased by someone who treats your voice like background noise. Over time, their refusal to listen becomes your burden. You try harder. Repeat yourself. Over-explain. Carry the mental load for both of you.

But when someone says “no one told me,” what they often mean is:

“I didn’t care enough to listen. I didn’t see you as someone worth remembering.”

It’s not about the small logistics of daily life — it’s about power, dismissal, and the quiet exhaustion of always having to prove you matter.

So now? I tell myself. I listen to me. I don’t explain my choices to someone who tuned me out for years. Let him say no one told him.

No one is me.
And I’m done being invisible.

07/29/2025

Natures helps us reset and feel more connected to ourselves. Just ask Cooper.

07/22/2025

07/12/2025

The Woman in the Airport
by Eileen Martin, MSW, LCSW

I was traveling over a decade ago when I saw her.

A mother, clearly overwhelmed, trying to wrangle a toddler who was darting in every direction, refusing to listen, squirming out of reach, loud and free in the way only children can be. She looked exhausted.

Old me, the version shaped by unspoken shame and a need to feel in control, would have judged her.

I would have leaned on the silent superiority that comes from thinking, “She has no control over her child.” That internal commentary was once my armor, a way to avoid feeling the tenderness of my own inner chaos. It was easier to judge than to empathize. Easier to feel “above” than to admit how often I, too, felt lost, messy, unsure.

But something in me had shifted by then.

When I looked at her, I didn’t see failure.
I saw someone trying.
I saw a woman doing her best, under the weight of public eyes and tiny hands.
I saw someone who maybe hadn’t slept, hadn’t eaten, hadn’t had five minutes to herself in days.
I saw a mirror, not of who I was, but of how far I’d come in my healing journey.

And in that moment, I felt compassion, not just for her, but for the earlier version of me who judged because she didn’t know how to be gentle with herself.

That moment will stay with me forever. It was the quiet, ordinary kind of profound. The kind that slips in during everyday life and reaffirms what matters most: the way we see each other when we learn to see ourselves more kindly.

This is why self-compassion is an integral part of my work with women. Because we all carry stories beneath our surfaces: messy, painful, beautiful stories and until we learn to greet our own with gentleness, it’s hard to extend that grace to anyone else.

We heal through understanding, not perfection.
And sometimes, it starts in an airport, watching a woman hold it together the best she can.

These moments matter. They are the quiet milestones of healing.

If you’re on your own journey of self-compassion, know that you don’t have to walk it alone. This is the heart of the work I do with women: unlearning shame, releasing old roles, and making space for tenderness, even in the mess.

You are welcome in this work, just as you are.

Center for Counseling and Healing specializes in trauma therapy for individuals who have experienced domestic violence, any form of abuse, grief including su***de and homicide loss, life transitions, and women's issues.