Love Bombed MD -Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

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Narcissistic abuse recovery: 1 on 1 personalized coaching to inspire you to heal from the narcissist’s chaos, gain peace of mind, and next level self-love. ~ Join THE SELF-LOVE SOCIAL, a private members only community for like minded Empaths.

03/10/2023

We have three more months left in 2023. And we’re leaving this mindset in 👏🏽this 👏🏽year👏🏽.

There is so much harm in “taking the high rode” or “rising above” when it’s used to spiritually bypass the harm done by high conflict individuals.

PSA: I am speaking more to conflict in family dynamics and friendships where physical harm is not a factor.

If you intend on continuing to be in contact with the individual who chronically bullies others, letting things roll off your back often creates an echo chamber enabling their behavior, and they grow into a bigger and more entitled beast over time.

This also subsequently creates a war inside yourself and a guarantee that they will cause chaos in your life again, and again.

Remember this… ✨You don’t owe niceness or comfortability to anyone who is actively causing you emotional harm. And your goodness is not measured by being able to absorb their abuse without calmly asserting yourself.

The quality of my relationships massively improved when I realized I didn’t have to tip-toe around the feelings of people who didn’t think twice about tap dancing on mine. Honest and direct communication is the perfect way to filter out toxic relationships.

Accepting people for who they are is one thing but allowing them to rummage your life and the lives of others like a tropical storm is a another.

Your self-respect is tied to your ability to protect and stand up for yourself or walk away. And there is so much healing in saying “No More”. 💌

13/09/2023

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that all emotions are valid and they are nothing more than messengers.

There are a few emotions (mostly secondary emotions) that get an extremely bad rap. So instead of us leaning into how to process and sit with these emotions we are taught that they shouldn’t exist.

Not holding space for these uncomfortable emotions only creates a dynamic where we become hardwired to project them onto others because we don’t feel safe enough to process and transmute them in a healthy way.

This can cause great harm to our relationships.

The truth is:
‼️ANGER‼️ can mobilize you into protecting yourself and show you where you’re being mistreated and deserve better.

‼️JEALOUSY‼️can highlight the places in which you may be keeping yourself small and not going for the things you want in life, because of limiting beliefs or feeling you’re unworthy.

‼️FEAR OF ABANDONMENT & FEELING INVALIDATED‼️can show you where you need to show up for yourself emotionally and detach your worthiness from other people.

‼️SHAME‼️ can be a tool that opens your eyes to becoming a better version of yourself and doing things differently next time.

It’s all about the awareness surrounding these emotions. But we can’t as a collective do the work of learning healthy ways to manage them if we’re taught as children that they shouldn’t be there to begin with. 💌

24/08/2023

As you begin to heal and raise the bar on the type of relationships you will allow in your life. You’ll notice that you will also be faced with preserving the relationships with loved ones who still feel an obligation to tolerate and swallow the behavior of high conflict or abusive people.

As you begin to make your boundaries clear ,in good faith, they may try to convince you that your reaction to the mistreatment is the problem in order to preserve the status quo. You’ll find yourself in circular conversations full of excuses and lessons in rolling with the punches.

This is your opportunity to stand firm in the fact that you no longer want to engage in relationships where you’re constantly having to defend yourself, dodge left hooks and expect the worst. Especially if you are a survivor of relational trauma in the past, it is crucial to avoid relationships where you are tiptoeing through landmines of angry outburst, criticism, projection and chaos.

I had a doctor look me square in the face when I was explaining the cause of stress one time and say. “I see multiple past diagnoses here that I believe are a direct result of unhealthy relationships… Do I need to write in your care plan that you need to stay away from anyone presenting these behaviors, or can I trust that you know?” (Black female doctors for the win with the transparency ) 🥇

She did ,in-fact, include this in her notes for me to review. So the next time anyone is unclear as to why my tolerance for certain character types is zero. I can say I quite literally have a prescription from my doctor to avoid this person. You be safe though.

Stress is the number one cause of illness . You cannot live a healthy life in unhealthy relationships. 💌

10/07/2023

Q. Am I saying Jonah Hill is an abuser?

A. No, there isn’t enough context for me personally, BUT I tend to believe survivors…

Q. Am I saying Jonah Hill is a narcissist?

A. No

Q. Do I care if he is one or not?

A. Absolutely not.

Q. Does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

A. Nope!

The goal is to highlight behaviors, not demonize anyone.

As for Keke and Darius 🗣 Publicly calling out and shaming your partner is a form of emotional abuse and an attempt at coercive control. He was trying to embarrass her and teach her a lesson. He then doubled down on the audacity by referring to her as his wife.
But a ‘Husband’ would never!

Husbands protect and provide, and it seems as if his insecurities are coming from the fact that he may be missing the mark on both of those roles. However, he doesn’t get a pass to lash out at Keke because of this and is personally responsible for managing his own insecurities. (See my last post)

That being said, In honor of Jonah Hills ✨ list of “boundaries”✨ Here’s a “list of boundaries” from my narcissistic ex for those who are deducing this to a partner expressing their “needs”

🚩He had to approve my clothing before I left the house
🚩If he wasn’t home he’d request a picture and I’d have to send it within two minutes of his request
🚩I had to wear two layers of clothing even in the middle of summer
🚩My collar bone had to be covered
🚩I wasn’t allowed to wear a swimsuit in public, beach, or pool.
🚩I wasn’t allowed to have male friends
🚩I couldn’t have any female friends he didn’t like or approve of ( He found something wrong with 100% of them)
🚩I wasn’t allowed to go to the gym without him
🚩I couldn’t go out with girlfriends, not even to dinner
🚩I couldn’t smile at any males at work

🚩I wasn’t allowed to make eye contact with any male walking by on purpose or accident so I would stare down at the top of my shoes when I was with him
🚩I wasn’t allowed to hug any male unless I was related to him
🚩I couldn’t listen to house music

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30/06/2023

I can not stress this enough…There are people struggling with things you will never know about.

There are people who spend the majority of their day trying to regulating their moods and keep their anxiety and depression at bay.

That waiter you are rude to might be at their breaking point…

There are people who spend valuable resources on support, therapy, stress management , body-work, medication, self-help books, exercise (the list goes on) just to get through the work week.

Others who are NOT doing the work don’t get a pass to bully, tear down, or lash out at people because they are struggling.

It’s never an excuse and should never be tolerated or enabled.

All adults have the personal responsibility to manage their own mental and emotional health without projecting onto others. No excuses.

In short: Do not come trying to destroy my peace because you can’t create your own.

07/06/2023

I thought I’d bring this DARVO post back from 2020 as there’s been a lot of discussion around this lately.

Being on the receiving end of DARVO can be the most emotionally tasking and confusing experience.

There are people walking this earth that thrive off of emotional chaos, drama and belittling others, so much so that they intentionally stir up conflict just to feel important. However, The moment anyone speaks up for themselves, requests accountability, or says “ No more! You can’t treat me this way” They instantly play the victim, pull out the tears and outrage, and claim to have been the one mistreated.

They then begin to villainies the target to everyone who will listen and demand the person THEY hurt apologize to THEM. This cycle never ends and it’s a sure sign that the person sees absolutely nothing wrong with the way they treat others and will, if giving the opportunity, behave that way gain.

Your work is to take your power back by seeing this process for what it is (a way for them to absolve themselves of guilt and shame and deflect it onto you). Stay grounded in your truth without internalizing their alternate reality , and do not become reactive.

Keep a safe distance from adult bullies with a victim complex. Your mental and emotional health will drastically improve in doing so. 💗

01/06/2023

June 1st is Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day, and there is no better time to take our focus back to why I started this account years ago : the survivors. It is so incredibly important that we as a community don’t allow awareness that is so desperately needed to be drowned out by the over-use or misuse of the word “narcissist”.

Five years ago I was scouring the internet desperately looking for clarity on the abusive and insanely confusing situation I was in. There was very little answers and almost no one was using the term narcissist or even brushing the surface what I had gone through. From the very few resources I did find, I quickly learned that the mental, emotional, and physical symptoms I was experiencing were, in-fact, a result of narcissistic abuse.

After being failed by a team of mental health professionals and Doctors I found some clarity and what seemed like a path forward through other survivors who had almost identical stories. I initially started this page as a platform for a book I was writing to raise awareness and share the tools that were helping me slowly heal and regain some sense of normalcy living with CPTSD. Thousands of clients later… this work is still more important than ever.

Narcissistic abuse is a slow steady drip of abuse and manipulation that aims to erode your identity, clarity and self worth. It often includes emotional, psychological, physical, or financial abuse. It can occur in romantic relationships, family dynamics, and organizations.

More often than not bystanders can not seem to wrap their minds around how damaging this form of abuse is because the wounds are usually “invisible”. For this reason you will hear this referred to as ‘hidden abuse’.

Because of the nature of this form of abuse, survivor stories and lived experience makes a world of difference in not only understanding the cycle of narcissistic abuse, but more importantly understanding the impact that it has on the mind, body and nervous system and how we can heal.

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💜

14/05/2023

I fully understand these “Hallmark Holidays” can be incredibly painful for some and celebratory for others.

For those of you struggling with today, I want you to know that what’s coming up for you matters, your story matters and you are not alone in your experience.

It’s ok if what you need today is to log off of all social media and not see the endless tributes and messages that don’t match your reality when it comes to your Mother or your Motherhood Journey.

It’s perfectly normal to feel whatever it is you are feeling.

Reach out to someone who feels safe if you need support.

Remember the healing process is a grief process, the only way is through. 💌

07/03/2023

If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse It’s very likely that your healing will include rebuilding self-trust. There are so many reasons self-trust gets eroded during these relationships, from gaslighting, to societal pressure to forgive and forget before you are ready , to cognitive dissonance (Aka conflicting thoughts and beliefs that cause you to tolerate mistreatment for longer than you normally would.)

This erosion of your self-trust can leave you on edge as you begin to heal anxious about ending up in a similar relationship in the future.

Well , I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the universe usually does bring you the same lesson in a different body to see if you’ve learned it.

So the goal is to reassure yourself that if presented with the same or similar behavior or mistreatment in the future that you will, set boundaries, adjust your proximity to the person or walk away completely. You can do this by focusing on your standards and personal accountability using I-statements .

This completely takes all of the energy and focus off of the problematic individual and allows you to focus solely on what YOU will and will not allow , engage in, or tolerate.

The more you heal the less bandwidth you will have for trying to prove that someone else’s behavior is hurtful or unacceptable. They know …and most high conflict people leave quite the impression on friends, loved ones and strangers alike.

Focus on getting clear on you I-statements using compassionate inquiry :

❓Now that I know that they are incapable of a mutually respectful relationship what am I willing to accept?
❓Am I willing to jeopardize my relationship with myself that I’ve worked so hard to rebuild.
❓Am I willing to live out of alignment in order to adapt to this relationship that will possibly set me back when it comes to my healing.
❓Do I want to jeopardize my literal health and stress levels to have this person in my life
❓Does my inner child feel safe in this relationship?

This level of authenticity with yourself will make it nearly impossible to self gaslight. And you will feel empowered to set firm boundaries or demote them to a stranger. 💌

18/01/2023

There was so much more I wanted to write about this dynamic but I’ll break certain aspects down in future posts.

I understand this is a touchy subject for a lot of people as I’m married to a Brit and learn more and more each year about things that have been normalized and accepted within the culture and monarchies.

However, Narcissism and Narcissistic family systems should not ever be repackaged as culture or tradition and the reason they are so predictable is that this type of family operates the exact same no matter what part of the world they are in…so it’s not culture after all.

I understand this is a nuanced conversation.

I welcome different opinions as long as you keep it respectful in the comments.

If you are triggered by my point of view and feel the need to unfollow, feel free.

This is not an airport, you don’t have to announce your departure. 💌

22/11/2022

Gentle reminders to bring awareness to your body and nervous system this holiday season .

It is not uncommon for this time of year to feel triggering and bring on the Fight, Flight , Freeze, or Fawn response for trauma survivors. Instead of getting gridlocked in incessant thinking, it’s important to get out of your head and into your body to release tension , ground your energy, and soothe your nervous system .

PSA: An anxious mind CAN NOT exist in a regulated body.

Emotion = Energy in motion. Energy can not be destroyed so it needs to be moved and discharged.

If you’re feeling anxious, triggered by interactions with family, struggling with emotional flashbacks, or feeling the freeze from seasonal affective symptoms , I will lovingly keep directing you back to your body.

These are the tools.

This is the work. 💌

If you would like a guided demonstration of these tools, grab the “Toolkit for safety & embodiment” taught by myself and .the.alchemist at the link in my bio.

14/11/2022

One of the most healing life lessons is realizing that you get to choose who has access to you.
You get to curate your circle of human beings and say no to those who don’t operate in love and mutual respect.

Significant other, friends , or family ; absolutely no one is entitled to take up space in your life if they are a source of constant stress, tears, or confusion.

✨Choose people who are good for your nervous system
✨Choose people who care about how they make you feel
✨Choose people who handle you with compassion instead of criticism
✨Choose people who value honesty and accountability instead of gaslighting you

There are 8 billion people on this planet! 🌍

If you’re looking for a sign to let go of people who have you tip-toeing in survival mode so you can make space for the relationships that bring you peace, this is it. 💌

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91301, 91302, 91372

Website

https://linktr.ee/LovebombedMD

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