Osborn Family Law

01/14/2025

The SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR in how a separation and divorce plays out (in terms of cost, stress, and impact on both the participants and any children) is this... [drumroll please....]

The PROCESS that you choose to deal with disagreements.

That's right. What many separating couples miss (especially amidst the flood of admonitions from family and friends to "lawyer up" and "fight for your rights!") is that they have CHOICES about the PROCESS used to work through areas of contention and disagreement.

Ans that choice ends up being the driver, the determining factor, for how its all going to go down.

To use a crude but apt analogy: if your financial or child custody situation has any complexity at all, dividing up assets and parenting time is going to be painful. There is no way to avoid all pain with such a significant life transition.

So when thinking about the PROCESSES available for accomplishing the transition, consider the analogy of being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor. You would, of course, insist that the oncologist consider ALL the available treatment options, and search for the one that has the optimal mix of chances for success, harmful side effects, and time in recovery.

And if you had ANY viable options other than dangerous, expensive ones with long lasting side-effects, you would want to explore them first, right?

But the analogy to the legal processes available for separation and divorce has another level.

Suppose the doc says surgery is the ONLY option. In order to help you heal, the surgeon has to cut. You can't eliminate the pain, but you can minimize it and arrange the best circumstances for a full recovery.

Ideally, in the operating room, you would have a well-trained expert team of surgeons and nurses, who have carefully prepared for the procedure by studying your body thoroughly. Using precise MRI imaging, they'd be well equipped to cut no more than necessary, using a finely-honed, small instrument like a scalpel, with plenty of time and a low-stress environment to get the job done right.

The surgeon would apply proper anesthetic to minimize the pain, and it would be scheduled for a time that accommodates the rest of life for everyone involved.

Though the overall ordeal might be difficult for the extended family and loved ones, they don't have to be IN the operating room. So there's less risk that they will get any blood on them or be traumatized by the cutting process.

And there would be excellent resources for recovery and follow up care, enabling the patient to resume normal life and functionality on a reasonable timetable.

That's what the collaborative divorce process can provide:

--Expertise focused on the important issues, instead of battling over the past and how you got here;

--Parents/spouses/partners control the timing of the process;

--Anesthetic in the form of guidance regarding how to have productive, respectful communication about areas of genuine disagreement;

--And the less adversarial process gives parents the best possible start towards a healthy and functional co-parenting relationship, with guidelines and tools for improving it as the kids grow older and changes are needed.

Now, the litigation process will get you a result also, on custody or division of assets.

Well, eventually.

But how often is it a satisfying one? And at what cost? With what side-effects?

The law, after all, is a bit of a blunt instrument. To couples who have actually been through a court hearing, the following might be an apt analogy: picture a surgeon, wielding a chainsaw. He's stressed out, having just finished one case and with dozens more lined up out the door behind you.

And he's assessing you on the fly, deciding what and where to cut. Doesn't really matter at that point how well-trained or well intentioned he is. There will be blood... And who knows how long it will take and what collateral damage wil be done.

So, if you're considering separation, do yourself a favor: talk with A FEW lawyers.

And make sure at least ONE is trained in collaborative practice.

It could make all the difference. For your kids. For your financial future. And for your own well-being, in the long term.

If you rare considering separation or divorce, or it is happening and there is nothing you can do to stop it, you do still have choices, so give me a call.

I love giving (and soliciting) "second opinions."

01/09/2025

Collaborative family law works. And the data proves it.

Prospective family law clients are frequently concerned about what happens if the collaborative family law dispute process is unsuccessful in helping the parties resolve all their issues. They are understandably concerned about the potential cost of having to start up with new lawyers as they head (or head back) to court and transition to the litigation process, at a point that they fear will feel "late in the game."

The response I have heard anecdotally, have seen firsthand, and have provided many times is that the odds are strongly in favor of the collaborative process. Once the two parties and their counsel commit to the collaborative process, having to bail on the process and go assert or defend their respective rights in court rarely happens. (In large part because collaborating parties that are starting to feel stuck can still involve a mediator to resolve the seemingly intractable issues.)

But more importantly, that conclusion is actually supported by data.

According to an anonymous survey conducted in 2023 of Collaborative Divorce Professionals (in which roughly 2/3 of the membership responded, the majority of whom were collaborative attorneys):

✅88.9% said that 75% or more of their collaborative cases settled;

✅61.70% indicated that fewer than 25% of their collaborative cases required mediation to finish;

✅89.19% said that fewer than 25% of their cases resulted in termination of the collaborative process; and

✅ 89.47% reported that their clients valued the collaborative process.

See for yourself, though.

If you have substantial assets, multiple real properties, significant business holdings, tough valuation questions, unusual custody or visitation challenges, or other non-cookie-cutter situations, don't take the far worse odds that you'll face in court battling for your rights.

Keep control over the process, maintain your privacy, and apply your financial resources more cost-effectively by giving the collaborative process a chance.

Odds are, your whole family will end up glad that you did.

01/08/2025

One of my favorite people, with some wise words here...

Written by Robin M. Mermans, Esq., owner of ROAD to RESOLUTION When I experienced my divorce over a decade ago, I wish I knew about the option for collaborative divorce. At the time, it was fairly new to North Carolina as it was passed into law by the state legislature in 2003. This bill recognized....

12/24/2023

Wordle 918 3/6

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Gotta call this one lucky…

10/12/2022

There are few people, if any, more experienced, winsome, and thoughtful about collaborative practice than my friend and fellow collaborator, King.

Divorce processes are varied- from DYI, or mediation, or settlement negotiations to collaborative divorce to traditional litigation.

10/12/2022

Divorce processes are varied- from DYI, or mediation, or settlement negotiations to collaborative divorce to traditional litigation.

09/21/2022

This is EVERYTHING!!

09/18/2022

What is Collaborative Divorce? Learn more here from attorney Dan Lewis: https://charlottecollaborativedivorce.com/attorney/dan-lewis/what-is-collaborative-divorce-2/

03/16/2022

Imagine you're a rising 10th grader who has been playing defensive line your whole football life up until now, but you realize that while your buddies have continued growing and bulking up, you appear to have to have hit your maximum height at 5’ 8” or so, and your weight has topped out somewhere near 150 pounds on a good day.

Many coaches would be skeptical about keeping you in the trenches, lining up against the opposition’s bulky offensive linemen—and understandably so, because the D-line is usually the domain of some of the biggest, toughest, and meanest players on any team. What would you say, or what would you do, to assuage your coach’s fears that keeping you on the D-line might be detrimental to the team, not to mention your own health & well-being?

That was the challenge my friend and now colleague Brian A. Córdova faced. And saying he rose to it would be an understatement.

Brian also happened to be a super-talented wrestler for the school team, too. And as it turns out, the hand-to-hand combat skills and weight-shifting, gravity-aided techniques a wrestler learns for getting opponents off-balance come in pretty handy (see what I did there?) in evading an oversized blocker, bursting through the O-line, and dropping the QB for a loss. And Brian did just that, in fact leading his team in tackles and sacks every year!

Well, in law practice, it turns out that technique matters a great deal as well. Sometimes we collaborative lawyers can get better overall results for our clients by NOT being the biggest, baddest, meanest courtroom brawlers in town. And man, are we at Osborn Conflict Resolution grateful to have Brian on our team!

Brian has practiced law since 2012, first in Florida and then most recently in Chicago, where he ran his own successful family law practice for over six years. During the pandemic, Brian and his delightful, engaging, and talented wife, Cheryl, relocated to the Charlotte area in pursuit of “true Four Seasons” weather, all the family-friendly community opportunities that our area offers, and to be closer to their families in Florida. (And also for all the same reasons that so many folks are flocking to tha C-L-T in droves!)

Brian is a great fit for OCR because he is super-enthusiastic about the collaborative law method of dispute resolution, and quite frankly because he has the natural gifting and temperament to be an outstanding collaborative practitioner. He has already gotten trained in collaborative family law by some of the best in the biz, my friends Forrest "Woody" Mosten, Mediator and Collaborative Attorney and Trainer and Susan Guthrie joined Charlotte Collaborative Divorce Professionals , and begun handling collaborative cases alongside me.

Brian will be an integral part of helping build & expand our already growing collaborative family law practice, particularly enabling Rochelle Strang Jameson and I to provide better service to Spanish-speaking clients, since he is bilingual.

In the meantime, he will also draw upon his extensive courtroom experience to help clients who come our way but may need to handle all or some portion of their family law situations in court. (Unfortunately, it takes two parties to collaborate, and sometimes the other party can’t—or just won’t—get on board despite the substantial savings in time, money, and stress that usually result.)

Whatever the setting, whatever unexpected and gut-wrenching situation a family may be facing, Brian knows a few tricks & techniques for helping our clients navigate through the obstacles with balance, deftness, and creativity, and we couldn't be prouder to welcome him to our team!

11/16/2021

Free information and resources for folks who find themselves considering what was once unthinkable, and probably now feels overwhelming.

Vesta: A New Vision for DivorceWe have built a better way to navigate the divorce process by providing direct access to what you need through complimentary e...

10/27/2021

Looking forward to meeting folks with questions and helping point towards some answers.

Kate Bowles Miller and l will be discussing the issues or concerns that typically have to be addressed during a separation, as well as the variety of processes that folks can use to resolve potential areas of disagreement about finances, parenting time, and living arrangements.

(Spoiler alert: you DON'T have to get into a knock-down, drag out legal battle that consumes all your time, energy, and money!)

Do you have questions for and/or want guidance from compassionate, experienced, and vetted professionals about moving forward with your divorce?

Vesta's team of legal, financial, real estate, mortgage, and wellness professionals will provide brief presentations followed by a Q&A. Vesta: A New Vision for Divorce - North Carolina

Advanced registration is required at: https://bit.ly/CharlotteNov3