Stop seeking someone or something to make you feel whole and enough. You are looking in the wrong place.
You want what you want because you want to feel better, good enough, happier, loved, proud.
The problem is what you think will give you those feelings never, ever will.
Putting all your time and energy into relationships, big money goals, better businesses, having children or climbing corporate ladder are short-term hits.
We believe that when we get "there," we'll feel complete, whole and enough. Like we have arrived.
But it's a lie.
Which is why you probably feel stuck and overwhelmed right now.
My message to you: It’s not too late. You have the power to change your life. Your future can be different than your past.
I'm Laurel, a freedom fighter and a phoenix. I'm obsessed with reclaiming our natural ability to choose. I’ve walked through fire and rebuilt from the ashes on more than one occasion.
Here's what I know for sure: Every situation can be changed if you want it badly enough.
My job is to liberate people from the shackles of their own minds, where we tell ourselves things like...
"If I can just make enough money..."
"If I can just find the love of my life..."
"If I can just [insert BS goal]..."
THEN I can finally feel good enough.
The truth is the only reason you don't feel good enough right now is because you are choosing to believe you aren't. And it's not your fault. No one showed you how to use your mind for good (instead of kicking yourself over and over.) No one showed you how to choose thoughts, feelings and beliefs that empower you and lift you up.
And I know this because I had my own journey to figure it out.
When my parents divorced, this overachieving "good girl" with straight As rebelled. I snuck out to drink and get high with bad boys. I desperately sought out the cutest guy in the room. The intimate moments of flesh were a fleeting balm to numb and distract myself.
I had a mentally ill mother who threatened to kill me and abandoned our family, and an alcoholic father. The pressure of keeping it all together was overwhelming.
Two years later, I took my first step forward in a journey of healing that has become my passion and purpose: My ninth grade English teacher introduced me to the human capacity to rewire the brain and the art of manifestation. I have no idea what this information had to do with English, but I’ve learned not to question these things…
At the time, I was withdrawn, timid and terrified the dark secrets of my nighttime escapades would be made public. The profound insight from this esoteric wisdom sparked an inner desire that launched me into becoming the person I know I am here to be.
Despite continuing to indulge in reckless behavior, I excelled academically and was at the top of my class. College was my motivator and ticket out of our deadbeat town. When I mentioned these plans to my dad, he flatly told me he couldn’t help fund college and perhaps I needed to dream a different dream.
I didn’t flinch. I knew I would attend the best school possible. To make it happen, I binged in advanced classes and extracurricular activities (to the point of insomnia, anxiety and burnout). In every spare moment, I waited tables and was awarded enough financial aid to cover expenses to attend one of the top private liberal arts colleges in the country. I paid every penny.
But determined as I was, I couldn’t outrun the clutches of self-induced stress and past childhood trauma. The summer after graduation, I had a mental breakdown and was forced to take a year off. My whole reason for living crumbled from beneath me.
My sense of identity was gone. I felt like an empty shell and didn’t know who I was anymore. But I still had a dream and wasn’t going to let anyone take it away from me.
A year later, my determination brought me back to college. But I hadn't healed enough. Rather than focusing on studies, my attention was consumed by what happened after dark. This time it was raves and nightclubs.
Ever hear the song, A DJ Saved My Life? It was written for me. I managed to graduate with average grades and left Yankee territory to relocate to Atlanta for a guy I met on a dance floor.
This is when I began my life as a nonprofit administrator. I had some cool jobs. To top the list, a zoo agreement pertaining to a certain black-and-white bear took me to China seven times. At the age of 25, I was entrusted to manage a program designed to create the profession of zoo education in China.
Did I mention I didn’t have any background in zoology or conservation education? I also don’t speak Mandarin. I faked it until I made it and our program was awarded a top national honor. This was my moment to climb the professional ladder, but I felt like an outsider.
This world wasn’t mine. My soul craved to do something that mattered to me. I was exchanging the precious hours of my life to fulfill someone else’s dream. It was killing me inside and I longed for more…
Fast forward a few years, I was driving back to Atlanta after spending the weekend in the mountains with a new flame. After my wilderness immersion, it felt like the lights, billboards and cars on the freeway were closing in on me. A small, yet urgent voice in my head said, “What are you going back for?”
In that moment, I knew this life no longer had anything to offer me. It wasn’t making me happy. It was time for change. My world had become stagnant, boring and predictable. I needed something different.
I resigned from a salaried management job of ten years and left close-knit friends to live on the top of a mountain with a man I barely knew. It seemed crazy, but an invisible force was pulling me forward.
This was the opportunity to live again and I was going to take it. I was eager to tie the chords of comfort and security. This was my first true taste of freedom and I liked it.
In the wilderness, I felt home. My heart no longer longed to venture anywhere else. This was where I wanted to be. The trails, waterfall, mountain top view and old growth trees were my new companions. I was in tune with nature’s rhythms and in tune with myself. I could breathe again.
But there would be no Hollywood ending. This dream quickly became a nightmare. The charming man who whisked me off my feet was a skilled energy vampire. I had zero awareness of what a narcissist was before he put a spell on me.
Before long, the love bombing turned into volatility, rage and bitter jealously. I walked on eggshells trying to pacify the boyfriend. I remember the day when I stopped feeling beautiful. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. My light was dimming, and I wanted to die.
I obsessed about exit strategies and finally reached the breaking point. With a help of a dear friend whom I recruited from Atlanta to help me run a weekend fundraising event (the most stressful job I’ve ever done) that took me away from home for a few days, I escaped with a suitcase of clothes. My departure was unannounced, unplanned and absolutely necessary. Leaving my possessions behind was a small price to pay for my sanity.
This was also the moment I knew I was done busting my butt for others. But I felt fragmented. I needed a system reboot and considered joining a monastery. No joke. Once again, life had other plans for me.
I found refuge living and working at a wellness retreat center in the deep woods of Tennessee. I embodied the expression, “chop wood, carry water.” I learned to be humble and appreciate making beds and cutting vegetables. I didn’t want to think or make decisions and for the most part, I didn’t have to. This escape from the world and myself was what I needed. Slowly but surely, I found myself again.
Part of my recovery included being introduced to Extreme Freedom and reconnecting with PAX, an organization I began following in 2009. My parents’ broken marriage led to my own co-dependent and unhealthy relationships with men, so the new point of view offered by PAX allowed me to see men and women in a more honoring way.
After a decade of being illuminated by PAX, I completed a rigorous mastery program to become a Certified Partner in Extreme Freedom. This modality offers proven healing tools to give you freedom from injury, shame and disempowering beliefs.
Together, we work on self-forgiveness, responsibility, self-compassion, the power of choice, and a whole lot more. The result is you being YOU and feeling incredible - maybe for the first time.
We acknowledge and eliminate barriers that cause feelings of overwhelm, anxiety and powerlessness.
If you are willing, I can support you to become more fully alive, awake and on purpose.
What are you waiting for?
Life is precious and the clock is ticking…
