11/02/2026
For the longest time I wondered if I was real. I mean like, for decades I wondered. The people on this planet couldn’t possibly be my people, the way they handled me, the way they treated each other; that couldn’t possibly be right. Was I even real? The vast loneliness that comes with that has really shaped my body, my personality, my presence, and today I celebrate the evidence of my existence in the most micro of moments, like my shadow here amidst the flowers.
When I was 18, my partner was my white knight, lifting me out of significant abuse, and seeing me for the first time when I wasn’t sure if I existed. And when the day came where he lay dead at my feet, I started to wonder if he had even been real after all too? I clung to his driver’s license’s as proof for decades.
So now, when my son proudly clings to my expired driver’s license as a memento of his mother, which he displays at his bedside like a photograph for his own enjoyment, I know it’s the universe touching me to remind me I am real. As my relationship with my daughter grows deeper by the day, and I see all the beautiful and compassionate qualities I’ve passed down to her bubbling up through her own unique self, I know it’s the universe showing me that I do in-fact exist. When my kids are inpatient, intense, and annoying, just like me, I laugh because, ha, there I am again! I must be real! And as I lay here on speakerphone with a supportive friend, I see the black mirror of my phone laying on my chest, jumping ever so slightly with each beat of my heart, reflecting my surroundings coming alive to my own heart beat. I am still here, deeply inside myself, and ever expanding outside, into the universe.
I give special thanks to the universe for speaking to me in such poetic ways. She wants me to show them to you now because she’s been speaking to you too, and she’s ever hopeful you will get the message. You are real, you matter, and you are loved. The Earth will show you, you just have to let her, and if you ever need helping in learning how, reach out. I got you ✨❤️🩹