Open Book Parenting

02/24/2026

02/24/2026

Working on anxiety means starting with the issues that are important to or disruptive for the family. We look for places where we're going to see a good pay off; not where someone else tells you that you ought to start. That's because 1) anxiety issues are challenging and so we need to feel committed to the results to keep us motivated; 2) your family values are THE most important consideration when it comes to family functioning. In my Child Anxiety Support program you get to pick the Parenting Pitfalls to target and if you get stuck, I will help you with your choices and in creating a plan. But YOU are the decider because you know your family best. ❤️

02/22/2026

is when a child worries about their own safety when separated from you OR your safety when you're separated from them. Separation anxiety can look like a child who follows you from room to room, never letting you out of their sight. It can look like a child who chases your car down the block when you try to leave. It can look like neverending text messages when you're away asking when you're coming back.

Separation anxiety is hard on kids and it's hard on parents, too. Happily it responds well to intervention, which doesn't mean that intervention is easy but it does mean that it works!

02/21/2026

I want you to know that I already know this -- you can trust me that I always have this first and foremost in the front of my mind when you share with me about your frustrations and challenges raising an anxious child or teen. Which means you can 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧 when we talk. You can complain, you can whine, you can make dark jokes, you can cry and always I will know no matter how negative you are feeling that you do love your child and that you are working your hardest to parent them well.

When we talk, that is a safe space. Because we both know that you are a GOOD PARENT I'm not going to judge if you tell me, "Sometimes I want to run away from home!" or even "Sometimes I wish 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 would run away from home!" Because those are feelings and there are no wrong feelings. You can say those things and I won't gasp in horror, shake my head disapprovingly, or tell you that doesn't sound very nice. I'm not worried about nice anyway. I'm concerned with you and your functioning and your child and their functioning and I know you are, too.

Just know that, ok? I see the wonderful, loving parent that you are so you can bring your pettiest self to me and I will offer you nothing but loving acceptance and support. Promise. ❤️

02/20/2026

This is true for us -- I was shocked by the level of anger I could feel towards my children! -- but it's true for them, too, and in some ways so much more difficult. Anger that is so big that they'd like to stomp us must feel pretty terrifying but also so frustrating! We seem so big and powerful and able to conquer all including their anger! It takes time for them to learn that we are human and capable of hurt feelings, too. We have to find ways to let them know that we are strong enough to withstand their anger but human enough to deserve kindness and care, too. That's a process and one that can take a lifetime.

02/19/2026

When kids are worried we tend to try to get them to see the bright side of things. Like they say, "I bet nobody will talk to me at the party" and we say, "I'm sure you'll make lots of friends at the party!" Instead we can say, "If nobody talks to you at least there will be cake." Or they say, "We're playing tag in gym tomorrow and I'll probably be the slowest in class!" and we can say, "Maybe but then you'll be done with gym for a whole week!" Sometimes our child is just NOT going to turn that frown upside down and that's FINE. Our goal is to help them face their fears and find out that it's survivable even if it's not great. We just want to get them out there long enough to realize that their worse case scenario is either not gonna happen or can be tolerated. So instead of trying to get them to give us a Positive Mental Attitude, we can work towards a Medium Mental Attitude!

02/19/2026

In this clip of the latest episode of the TELL ME IT WILL BE OK podcast, peace activist Frida Berrigan shares her perspective on "tolerating the suck." What she's talking about here is distress tolerance, of being able to accept what might feel intolerable in order to deal with and continue to move through it. She shares that she relates this to her upbringing where she saw people join her parents monastic lifestyle at Jonah House, their intentional community meant to support political action. She also shares the inspiration she found in Rebecca Solnit's book, A Paradise Built in Hell.

I think this excerpt shows how anti-anxiety work -- not putting all of our efforts into protecting our children from their anxiety and scary things, which ultimately creates more anxiety -- is related to being a human. It's not specialized work! Anxiety coping tools are life coping tools. Embracing the suck is one way we can help children grow into resilient adults who can handle the inevitable challenges of life.

02/18/2026

02/17/2026

Frida Berrigan takes inspiration from Wendell Berry's poem: Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front, which reads, in part, "Expect the end of the world. Laugh./ Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful/ though you have considered all the facts." Frida describes what "moral cheerfulness" means to her. A useful frame for parents raising anxious kids in a worried world! This is an excerpt from the latest episode of TELL ME IT WILL BE OK, my podcast to support parents in these trying times. Frida was born into activism and has a lifetime's insight on how to keep going, keep fighting, and keep raising strong, compassionate children.

If you'd like to learn more about raising anxious kids in the real world (i.e, beyond and inclusive of clinical recommendations and evidence-based practice), I hope you'll subscribe to my podcast or my YouTube channel to get more episodes! And you can get more of Frida at WagingNonviolence.org where she writes regularly about changing the world and being a parent and juggling both!

02/15/2026

Teaching our kids to handle their fears means acknowledging their fears but not staying stuck with them. We validate their fears of danger but let them know when it isn't dangerous. Help them look for safety and point it out to them when they aren't feeling sure. It's ok to feel afraid but that doesn't mean there really is anything to be scared of. Validation doesn't have to mean allowing their fears to rule their experience.

02/15/2026

In this excerpt from my podcast, TELL ME IT WILL BE OK, I talk to peace campaigner Frida Berrigan who shares some thoughts about staying motivated when the information is overwhelming and we feel like we can't make a difference. She shares her insight as a second generation activist. Her father, who she talks about here, was Phil Berrigan, former priest turned nuclear disarmament crusader (along with her mom, Elizabeth McAlister). She shares her dad's thoughts about his efforts in a discussion about what to put on his tombstone and gives us a new perspective on why taking action maters, no matter the outcome. (I often think of this quote from the TV show Angel: "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.") 🧡

You can listen to the whole episode wherever you get your podcasts or check out my YouTube channel to watch us in conversation. You can also read some of Frida's work at her column over at Waging Nonviolence