03/07/2026
When experiencing a chronic condition, grief is inevitably an interval part of that journey. There should be a healthy place for grief in our process, but we live in a society where too often there just isn’t time. Grind culture says “get back on the horse” or lies to us and says “you can push through this”. Even those who mean well in our lives encourage us in ways that discourage grief. “Positive vibes only” will end up biting our asses, in the end.
Not only because most grief associated with chronic illness are related to declines in ability and/or capacity and those messages can actually get us hurt if we listen to them instead of to our bodies, but they can also lead to mental and emotional ignorance of self that pushes us further down the shadow path.
Carl Jung wrote in his work about the psyche that our trauma, pain and “negative vibes” just want to be heard. They just want a home, a safe place to land, not to take over our lives and ruin everything. Quite the opposite, when we are able to love and support our not-so-fun feelings and experiences we really get to process them in a way that honors the holism and authenticity of our experience.
Where does this fit into grief? First, try letting it in a little. Feel the feelings. It’s hard when we’re taught to bury our pain, but it helps. Once it gets a little time in the sun, that shadow doesn’t hurt as much anymore - and, in the case of chronic illness, it helps protect us.
Here’s my personal example today. I found out I have a labral tear in my right hip, thanks EDS. Usually I join the fabulous at Pilates-style movement on Saturday mornings, but I made a last minute pivot and went for lap swim. A year ago I would have gone anyway and hurt myself more, which would have stopped any exercise progress at all. But today, it’s ok. Today I let me body lead me instead of gaslighting it.
Grief is the thing that made that possible. So today I thank my shadow, my pain and my body, for carrying me into a better life with chronic illness ❤️
