Coach Aminah: Certified Narcissistic Abuse Recovery & Healing Coach

12/01/2025

As a clinician, I often remind clients that peace cannot exist where there is ongoing emotional harm. When someone consistently demeans you, envies you, sabotages your wellbeing, or treats you as an adversary, it creates a chronic state of threat in your nervous system.

In situations like these, separation isn’t abandonment — it can be a critical act of self-preservation. In the field of trauma and narcissistic abuse, we refer to this as going no contact: intentionally ending communication with a person whose behavior continues to be toxic, unsafe, or emotionally destructive.

No contact is not about punishing the other person.
It is about:
🔹 Reclaiming your sense of safety
🔹 Reducing psychological harm
🔹 Creating space to heal
🔹 Setting boundaries with someone who is unable or unwilling to change

This step can feel overwhelming, especially when there are emotional, financial, or familial ties involved. But it is absolutely valid to protect your mental and emotional health — and you are not “overreacting” for choosing distance where harm persists.

If you’re navigating a relationship that feels toxic, chaotic, or unsafe, please know you don’t have to do it alone. Support from a therapist, trusted friend, or advocate can help you explore your options and move toward a healthier, more peaceful life.

✅Your wellbeing matters.
✅Your safety matters.
✅And you deserve relationships that honor both.

12/01/2025

12/01/2025

🌿 Understanding Narcissistic Patterns: Red Flags to Be Aware Of

One of the most common questions I receive is:
“How do I know if I’m dealing with someone who displays narcissistic traits?”

While only a trained professional can diagnose a personality disorder, it is possible to notice patterns of behavior that may feel harmful, confusing, or destabilizing.

Awareness helps people trust their own experiences and set healthier boundaries.

Below is an educational list of behaviors and emotional patterns often seen in individuals who consistently display narcissistic traits.

If you recognize many of these in someone you’re interacting with, it may be worth exploring emotional safety, boundaries, or therapeutic support.

🚩 Common Narratives of Being “Victimized By” Others:

Individuals with strong narcissistic patterns often describe feeling wronged by:
• Family
• Ex-partners
• Coworkers
• Peers/teammates/classmates
• Teachers or therapists

❌ Emotions They Often Struggle to Experience:

• Regret
• Compassion
• Remorse
• Emotional empathy
• Contrition
• Joy / Elation
• Happiness
• Sympathy
• Guilt

✔️ Emotions They Commonly Do Experience:

• Anger / Rage
• Anxiety
• Emptiness
• Sadness
• Disdain
• Confusion
• Envy
• Shame related to image or how they appear to others
• Contentment (situational)
• Curiosity
• Excitement

💬 What They Expect From a Partner:

• Admiration
• Praise
• Approval
• Sensitivity
• Constant consideration
• Respect
• Adoration

🔄 Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms Often Used:

• Silent treatment
• Ghosting
• Projection
• Projective identification
• Rationalization
• Vagueness
• Denial
• Deflecting
• Insinuations

🔺 Triangulation & Hypocrisy:

Comparing their partner to others, and operating by:

“Do as I say, not as I do.”

🎉 Birthday & Holiday Patterns:

If they’re not the center of attention, they may diminish or disrupt events.

💼 Work & Relationship Patterns:

Often short-term, dramatic, and chaotic.

📱 Communication Behaviors:

• Expect immediate replies
• Offer inconsistent or delayed responses
• Avoid apologies
• Use blame shifting and deflection

❤️‍🩹 Intimacy After the Love-Bombing Stage:

May view intimacy as:
• repulsive
• weak
• “too emotional”

💸 Financial Red Flags:

• Chronic financial instability
• “Forgets” wallet
• Disappears when bill arrives
• Promises future repayment

⚠️ Relationship History & Fidelity:

Often vague about:
• Past relationships
• Schools attended
• Life experience details

❗️Behavioral tendencies can include:

• One-night stands
• Infidelity
• Using s*x for power/control
• Seeking validation through hookups

🕵️ Phone & Device Habits:

• Phone always face-down
• Multiple email/phone accounts
• Dating apps
• Ringer off
• Secretive computer use
• Cleared history
• Accusations of the partner being “sneaky”

🌫️ Disappearing Acts:

Periods of being unreachable with “explanations” afterward.

🏠 Moving In Quickly:

Rapid cohabitation attempts can fast-track emotional dependency.

💔 Self-Image: Oscillating Extremes:

Vacillates between:
• Grandiosity
• Deep self-loathing

🧠 The “Deep Thinker” Ploy:

Appearing introspective while actually focused on securing new validation or “supply.”

🧩 Other Common Patterns:

• Few close friends
• Financial instability
• Spending more time at your home than theirs
• Accusing partner of betrayals they themselves may be committing
• Extreme sensitivity to criticism

🌱 A Final Note
If you recognize yourself in the “partner” role, please know:

None of this is your fault.
People who are caring, empathic, forgiving, and honest are often specifically drawn into these relational dynamics — and those traits are strengths, not weaknesses.

If any of this resonates and you’re feeling confused, unseen, or emotionally worn down, reaching out for support can be incredibly grounding.
You deserve safety, clarity, and connection.

12/01/2025

12/01/2025

#
NarcissisticAbuse

12/01/2025

The concept of being the “bigger person” when used by toxic individuals!