29/03/2021
*If you know someone who has experienced loss or grief don’t skip this thinking it doesn’t apply, it does*
One thing I’ve found myself saying through our grief process is, “you don’t know until you know.”
You don’t know what will hurt until it’s said. You don’t know what will gut you until it’s seen.
Pregnancy announcements, ultrasound pictures, baby shower invitations, birth announcements and milestones can all take your breath away. It doesn’t mean you aren’t happy for those people, but it can be unexpected salt in wound you thought was starting to heal. And that’s okay.
I’ve had family members and friends call us and tell us they were going to announcement their pregnancy and/or gender, but wanted us to know first so it didn’t come as a surprise. This was honestly the kindest thing that could have been done. It selfishly told us that we were seen and our pain was acknowledged by others, months after the loss of son. Sure, no one owes us anything, but to know you are considered, when it feels like the world has moved on, means so much.
So if you know someone experiencing loss, think about them. Take them into consideration.
To protect myself against triggers, I’ve had to unfollow/mute accounts that just brought too much pain. It took awhile for me to realize that was okay, and I needed to do what I had to to survive.
It’s not that these things reminded me of Wellston, I think about him every second of every day, it’s that it reminded me of what was loss and what would never come. So if you know someone experiencing loss that has maybe stepped back from their relationship with you, or isn’t as involved, it’s not that they don’t love you. They are in self preservation mode.
It won’t last forever, but it’s necessary for the now.
To the person experiencing loss that had been triggered by the unintentional actions or well intended words of others, try and give Grace. You don’t know until you know. People don’t know what will be salt in a wound they’ve never felt, and while it may not be an opportunity we want, we have the opportunity to bring awareness and help other people navigate these waters, either for themselves or their loved ones.
