01/09/2019
The Last High -
My name is Matt, and I am an addict. I have said this hundreds of times, in hundreds of meetings.
This first post is special in a terrible, yet inevitable way. It is my first post on the blog, but my last post high. Don’t get me wrong, I am not writing this while on hard drugs, but I am also not truly sober.
I have been in and out of recovery since August 2013, and used drugs for almost a decade before that. If it weren’t for the fact that I have had that experience with recovery, there is no way I would feel confident writing this blog.
I am writing this post because it is real. This is the real me whether I like it or not. I stopped using he**in 2 months ago, but I have been taking Kratom while in sober living.
Kratom may not be a bad thing to some people, and to some it can even help with chronic pain or op**te detox. For me, however, it is just an extension of my addiction.
Despite being a he**in addict, I can set off my addiction with any mind altering substance. I have tried to just smoke w**d. I have tried to just drink. I have also worked the 12 steps, meditated, prayed, and managed sober living houses to the tune of 18 happy months sober.
However, no matter how much time a person like me has, all it takes is for that ego to return and me to stop working my program to have an even worse fall. I have been to rehab 3 times, but since my insurance ended 3 years ago I have not been back.
Fortunately I have been given a seemingly endless number of second chances. I do not mean to squander them every time, but I do learn more and more each time I fall back. Relapse does not have to be a part of your story, but you have to work with what you got.
I decided to get honest today about my Kratom usage to my sober living house. I could not stay off it no matter how hard I tried, because I was keeping it a secret and shouldering the burden myself.
It could be worse, it could have been he**in which is still infinitely more dangerous, but I cannot make light of my situation. They are allowing me to stay at the house and start over from square one.
This is truly my last chance at recovery. I will post on this blog to document my progress and hopefully inspire and inform others with my story.
No matter how many times you fall down, always get back up. As it gets harder and harder to rise to your feet, you will become stronger and stronger until eventually you stop getting knocked down.
May the universe bless you! Until next time.
