01/30/2026
Chronic Illness life
©Angel Stacy 2026
Unseen Strength Collective
I can't get my words together,
I'm unsteady as they come,
I promise you it's not drugs or alcohol I say as the doctor tests me,
Every judgement and eyes on me,
No way it hurts that bad,
You should be better, Everyone start gaslighting you so much like your the master puppeteer in theatrical performance, You start to believe maybe they are right, You shrink yourself down so far and try not to complain,
Keeping everyone at arms length because you may not have the right words to say and your too tired to entertain and please,
Right now you can't form a sentence or speak,
I'd just like to live a day without pain,
A day where I can push myself to be the best mom I can be without being down hours weeks or days,
Oh God why won't you bring my energy back to me ,
I feel like they are growing up without me giving enough,
Some days I can barely move or breathe,
The pain is more than I can bear,
The guilt the shame of every little thing taking so much energy,
I feel useless worthless like life is passing me by,
No I didn't choose this unpredictable chronic illness life,
Who in their right mind would choose to cry themselves to sleep or stay in pain dropping everything never having the same capabilities,
My mind body not the same,
I'm so grateful to be alive when I look in my husband's and children's eyes,
Don't mind me,
I try to stay silent about my pain so others don't get uncomfortable around or judge me,
I don't know why I even bother to cover up what I'm feeling or how I'm doing yes I'll be judged regardless,
What you see as laziness or not doing my duty you have no idea I'm just surviving moment to moment,
You would never understand the pain and torment of grieving who you were
Before the chronic illness life,
There's a difference between you and me I don't want you to know the depth of pain of what it's like grieving yourself before chronic illness life,
No two days are the same no pain amount or same symptoms guaranteed,
Will I be able to stand or lean on things to adjust my body to be able to walk ,
So you don't see the pain that lights up my entire body,
Will I be able to think a coherent thought or will it be silence and no lights for me?
Will I wince in pain when my husband lovingly tries to touch me or jerk away from my children’s hugs because they send pain sensations through my whole body,
A grocery trip will it cause me to use all my energy,
An 8 hour shift at work feels like a horror story, It's not just about age yes I may look young but looks tell you nothing of my body and souls pain,
I don't want you to feel sorry for me,
Just understand moment to moment I have different abilities,
Just because I was ok yesterday does not mean I will be today,
And yes no matter what my husband tells me I overdo it on my less painful days because an absentee mom is not what I want to be,
I push myself because of guilt and shame because I feel worthless because my body isn't what it used to be, My body fights and fails me daily,
Fibromyalgia consumes me,
There is no cure,
Your told to grit and bear it,
But don't over share your pain,
People need to know Chronic illness is a real thing, I will raise awareness because I know there is other people like me shaming themselves for never being enough,
Straighten your crowns kings and queens I see your pain even though we may not experience it the same way,
If people were more open and honest maybe doctors would start to take people more seriously, At the very least they would recognize this chronic illness life is not for the faint of heart or the weak,
Maybe not but who cares what they think,
If you're reading this through then you must recognize yourself between the lines,
If there's anything I can show you you're not a burden or worthless;
I can send you what you need a little empathy, understanding,
Straighten up kings and queens the best you can and know this does not make you less of a person whether you're a woman or man.
Your story is not over you see,
Come in shine in bask in the glow of empathy, human connection, you have an Unseen Strength and with me you are more than your chronic illness,
You are seen!
