12/02/2025
NEW PODCAST EPISODE OUT NOW!
There’s this tiny little rubber duck glued to my dashboard. 🐤
People laugh when they see it. They don’t know the story.
They don’t know that I hid little ducks all over his house once back in June.
In his hat, in drawers, in corners, in his sleeping bags
because love made me playful, thoughtful, and full of joy.
Everyone keeps telling me to burn everything that reminds me of him.
To “clear the energy.”
To “let it go already.”
But they don’t understand something important:
Keeping that tiny duck isn’t about holding onto him.
It’s about holding onto me.
Because somewhere in that relationship…
I loved so hard that I abandoned myself without realizing it.
I kept giving pieces of my heart in places where nothing came back.
And when it finally ended a couple of months ago, I was terrified that I would lose the version of me who loves deeply, gives wholeheartedly,
and shows up with softness even when life has hardened her.
I never want to lose her again.
Not for a man.
Not for a memory.
Not for the version of love I thought I deserved at the time.
So yes, I still have love for him.
Yes, I still care.
Yes, part of me always will,
not because he was my forever,
but because that love came from a pure place inside me.
But here’s the part that matters most:
I love myself more now.
And I love the future I’m building even more than the past I tried to hold onto.
That little rubber duck reminds me that I can be tender without being naive, loyal without losing boundaries,
loving without losing myself.
It reminds me that the next time I give my heart,
it will be from a place of fullness,
not fear, not survival, not hoping someone will finally choose me back.
I’m choosing me now.
And I’m not abandoning her ever again.
If you’ve ever loved someone so much that you forgot yourself in the process…
you’re not alone.
And you get to come home to yourself too. However YOU choose! 🫶🏽
This is what forgiveness looks like!
